That is one of my all time favorite phrases. It is the plain truth.
You know what else is true? Wishes won’t make someone gay either…..
The results of my massage this past Friday: Ugghhhh.
Have you ever had a massage by a man?
A man that you did not exchange vows with? Or a man that didn’t at least buy you dinner first?
Don’t count your significant other, even if you had to pay them for the massage.
I was shocked when I walked into the salon and my masseuse came out with a beard. Not that kind of beard either. The kind that grows on a man’s face.
I was expecting Roberta and I got Robert.
After he had me strip down to my birthday suit (not on my birthday either, of course he left the room while I did my stripping)….He informed me that he liked to really work the glutes, abs and pecs.
I laughed and told him he should not assume that everyone has glutes, abs or pecs.
I tried to convince myself that he was gay the entire time, even though his wife told me he was not.
As I had my massage, and as I was still convincing myself he was gay…so gay in fact that I swear I saw his G.L.A.D.D. membership card on the table in the massage room. Really, I could see it next to his Barbra Streisand CD along with his signed picture of Barry Manilow. (I am not a fanilow. Are you?)
I was a bit uncomfortable to say the least. But I kept chanting in my head: “He is gay. He is gay. He is gay”
I did finally relax after I convinced myself that none of my parts were going to fall out and expose me. I don’t care if a gay man sees my parts. I don’t think he will judge. Will he? Nahhhh.
Next time, I will request a female, who will certainly not be gay.