I have an unhealthy fascination with cults.
Please, don’t hold this against me.
I read about them. I watch documentaries on them.
It is weird, I know.
You see…I was never a part of any group.
So, for me, a cult would have been perfect. Or a death sentence. The outcome would have been a toss-up.
I would have been the perfect person to have been picked up at the airport by the hari krishnas.
But luckily my Mom was not late that day at the airport.
I am pretty sure I was the type of person they prayed on. Someone eager to belong.
I am so happy I avoided that catastrophe. I am for certain that I have an oddly shaped head and would not look attractive bald. Not even a little bit.
There is still that Avon cult trying to get me to join.
And the Mon* a*Vie people. whew. Don’t even get me started…
They are ruthless. Beware.
I am going to come up with my own Cult.
Feel free to join, but I have rules…some mandates for you.
Take pride. Clean up your yard. It does not have to be pristine. BUT a lingering old tire will result in banishment.
Be responsible. Keep your pets safe and fed. Above all, get them neutered. Litters of puppies and kittens will get you locked up in the big house for life. And by big house, I mean the POUND.
Teach manners. Teach your children to not laugh at the expense of others …and to speak up for the underdog. They can however laugh at their Mom when she dances in the kitchen. Moms expect that.
Live within your means. Anyone buying a home or car they can’t afford will have to clean my house for eternity. You don’t want that.
Recycle. Anyone caught throwing away recyclables will be banned to swim in the great swirl of garbage in the ocean. With no floaties, not even a hot pink noodle.
Be appropriate. PJs are ok for a drive thru, but not inside an actual store/restaurant. Remember though…cars run out of gas and tires do flatten.
Be courteous…to everyone, especially your elders.
Did I miss anything???
Are you signing up?
A free Busy Bee cult t-shirt to the first 20 members.