I apologize as I’ve stated previously that I don’t usually cuss in public.
Most of these were not MY cuss words, but were cuss words thrown AT me.
Yesterday I was trying to do some bank business.
Our bank has a small and awkward parking lot with around 15 spots.
I pull in with my modest sized SUBURBAN and there isn’t a spot to be found.
But what I did find was some obnoxious idiot parked their convertible Mercedes in THREE spots.
This hit me at my core.
I had to maneuver around the parking lot with my big ass Suburban while avoiding people trying to get to the drive- thru and passing through the lot with me waiting for a spot to open up.
Finally after five minutes of this stressful parking lot maneuvering I found a spot and as I am backing into it, I see this skinny, janky looking woman exiting the bank. She looked like she had not enjoyed a meal or a shower in weeks.
I think to myself: There is no way in hell that is her Mercedes.
She appeared to be a party-all-night-type girl.
I know it isn’t nice to judge. But we will do THAT judging in a minute.
Remember how I said I was going to start losing my filter? Yesterday was step one. Normally I’m a non- confrontational person, so this was huge for me.
I got out of my car heading towards the bank entrance, but I made a detour towards the rude Parker. I just couldn’t let it go.
Hey! You park like an idiot!
That was all it took to unleash the meth/crack/crazy woman.
She looked at me with crazy eyes and screamed: “What are you the bank parking police?”
Her comeback was funny and I almost said yes, but I did not have my Bank Parking Police credentials on hand to back it up.
Suz: I am SOMEONE who was trying to park and you took up THREE spots!
Apparently the truth makes meth/crack/crazy woman very angry.
Expletives were flying out of her crack loving mouth: F-bombs B-bombs and a C-bomb. As in See You Next Tuesday.
One of those F bombs actually hurt me.
She called me FAT.
I was flabbergasted as I weigh 122lbs. She really IS on crack.
I turned back towards the bank entrance and said: Have a nice day crack whore!
She was still throwing the F-bombs at me, loudly. People were staring. Look at me Causing a Freaking Scene!
Unlike me, she LIKES confrontation and yelling in public.
I wish I had the superpowers to create lifelong cold sores for this pearl.
Cut to 5 minutes later and I’m safely inside the bank talking to my teller guy when I sense something coming into the building. It feels like….it feels like pure evil. It feels like crack whore.
I turn around and there she is, my new Parking Lot Potty Mouth friend.
My first thought was that this crazy azz b*tch has come for me. She wants me to teach her to park, feed her and wash her hair for her.
Turns out, here is where my superpowers DID come in handy and this little nugget made my WHOLE day.
She loudly asks everyone in the bank:
“Has anyone seen a set of car keys? I lost my keys!”
Karma strikes and my day was complete.
I couldn’t have made up a better ending unless a building landed on her while I watched.