I apologize up front.
I have already told everyone that I am not a cusser.
Most of these were not MY cuss words…but were cuss words thrown AT me.
So…. yesterday I was trying to do some bank business.
Our bank has a small and awkward parking lot. It only has about 15 spots.
I pull in and there is not a spot to be found.
But, what I did find was some obnoxious arrogant idiot who parked their convertible Mercedes in THREE spots. THREE.
This irritates me to my core.
I had to maneuver around the lot…avoiding people trying to get to the drive thru and passing thru…me waiting for a spot to open up.
Finally I got a spot and as I am backing into it, I see this severely skinny, janky looking woman exiting the bank. She looked like she had not enjoyed a meal or a shower in weeks.
I think to myself: “that can’t be her Mercedes, there is no way in heck ”
She appeared to be a party-all-night type girl.
But you know, it isn’t nice to judge. BUT we will do THAT judging in a minute….
Remember how I said I was going to start losing my filter?
Yesterday was step one. I am a non confrontational person..this was a huge step for me.
I got out of my car, heading to the bank, but I made a detour towards the rude parker.
I said to her: “Hey, you park like an idiot”
That was all it took to unleash the meth/crack/crazy woman.
She looked at me with crazy eyes and screamed at me: “What are you the bank parking police?”
Her comeback was pretty funny, and I almost said yes, but I did not have my bank parking police credentials on hand to back it up.
I said: “I am SOMEONE who is trying to park at the bank!”
Apparently the truth makes meth/crack/crazy woman very angry.
She then screamed at me F bombs B bombs and a C bomb.
Don’t you know, one of those F bombs actually hurt me.
Yes, she called me fat.
I was flabbergasted.
I said: “have a nice day crack wh*re” And headed inside.
She was still throwing the F-bombs at me…loudly.
Apparently, she LIKES confrontation…and yelling in public.
Normally I wish for people like this to have lifelong cold sores, but someone beat me to the punch.
I then wished I had some super powers to make all her tires fall off her car
and land on her big mouth right then and there, but apparently I couldn’t make it happen.
Cut to 5 minutes later.
I am inside the bank, talking to my teller guy. And I sense something coming into the building…it feels like, it feels like evil.
It feels like crack wh*re.
I turn around and there she is. My new parking lot potty mouth friend.
uggghhhhh. I thought, the crazy woman has come for me. She wants me to teach her to park and to feed her and to wash her hair for her…NOOOoooooooo
But here is where my superpowers DID come in. This little nugget made my WHOLE day.
She loudly asks everyone in the bank:
“Has anyone seen a set of car keys? I lost my keys!”
Yes. Yes. Yes. Karma strikes again. My day was complete.
I could not make this up. Just perfect.
Thinking of ordering some of these bumper stickers for times like this…how appropriate.
Don’t you think Idiots need a sign telling them they are idiots?