I’m not irrational.

I don’t even have a rash.
Yeah, I say stuff like that.

Yesterday, I was outside watering my plants and I came in with some news for Lindsay.

Hey, Linds, I just saw the teeniest tiniest little baby octopus on top of the pool cage!
Her: What?
Me: Oh, never mind, more than likely it was a spider. 
Her: This is why I think YOU are so weird. 

I’m not weird. I’m imaginative.

Seriously though, we must have a twelve million octopus spiders around our house.
Have I stressed to you all at least twelve million times how scared I am of spiders. I’d rather wrestle an octopus covered with baby oil in a canal surrounded by alligators than be in the vicinity of a spider.

But they are amongst us. Amongst ME.

 And they want to take my life more than anything else.


This morning in the fog, it was even more evident how they are here…and they are going to destroy my life with their little claws.

Mama, I think my eyes are getting old…I can’t see so clearly this morning. ~ Cocoa

 And fangs. I’ve seen fangs.

Our poor flood light, it din’t see the fangy clawy spiders coming. Can you believe the spiders ate the top of that poor palm tree?

Well, don’t believe that…it just died by itself. Old age I think. Or depression.

If they dare to step their little clawy/fangy selves into my garden, something will be burnt down.

A few months ago, our pest control guy (Captain Obvious) left me a note saying we had a spider problem….and to call if we wanted a spider treatment done on the yard/lanai. 

 I thought about it for 10 seconds, and did not call him.

 About 10 years ago, we were having a spider issue. Specifically a Black Widow issue. They were all over our lanai….making nests under chairs, tables, the kids jungle gym. Yeah, bad. 

So, we had our pest control guy come and do a spider treatment. 
He did a treatment like you would not believe.

Every plant/tree in the area was dead. 
Including our beloved mature ‘dropping key limes like it was nobodies business’ key lime tree.
The spiders were gone…but it cost us so much in landscaping. So, I am scared. 

Truthfully, I have not seen ANY spiders near these webs/nests. They are invisible, ninja and stealth-like. Lurking at me with their claws and fangs ready. Ready to take me down and make a nest in my hair, procreate in my ears….poop in my nostrils.

I’m a goner.

I’m going to update my will today.

Love to you all, it was nice knowing you.


26 thoughts on “I’m not irrational.

  1. That's a lot of spiderwebs… I'm not crazy about spiders, but I'm also not afraid of them. As long as they're not black widows AND they stay outside, I'm ok with them. Once inside though, all bets are off…


  2. Those pictures have my skin crawling! YUCK!!! But, I see your dilemma. Do you sacrifice the plants to get rid of the demon spawn? I don't know!! Are they staying outside, or are they coming in the house? If they're coming in, then yeah, the plants are gonna have to go if it means getting rid of the nasty buggers.


  3. Ok, I HATE SPIDERS i cringe, I run like a girl, I squeal and scream when I have to swat one….UGH…so I do my own pest control and it works! If your interested shoot me an email and I will turn you on the stuff I use and I love and it has yet to kill a single living thing (other than the bugs that creep me out) in the 6 years I have been doing it!


  4. Yikes..I don't kill spiders….except Black Widows….since they are dangerous….and those webs! My gosh girl they are taking over! What kind of spiders do you have there???? Not the long leggy, gnat eating things we have here! Be safe!


  5. Okay I love nature and trees, and I'm sure I would love me some key limes if I'd ever had one…but if it was a choice between kiliing a spider and losing a tree? I'd be checking that box! Black Widows are scary! Be careful:(


  6. I wonder if there is a \”green\” pest remover that won't kill your plants? Or if there is a critter that naturally preys on spiders? I hate to say this, but cats do like to chase and kill spiders…Have a great weekend, dear Suz!


  7. Black widows are scary, but your treatment seemed even scarier. I think I'd leave the spiders to their own devices. I saw a magnet that said, \”The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.\” It's true, don't you think, that the immature among us have much more fun?


  8. OKAY—-I'll take away all of your spiders if you will do this for me: wrestle an octopus covered with baby oil in a canal surrounded by alligators…. OKAY????????Have a great weekend and don't dream about spiders in your hair during the night —or in your ears!!!!!!! haHugs,Betsy


  9. I'm not \”afraid\” of spiders per se, but they are not my favorites.I've had to take on a scorpion, a black widow, a tarantula and a rattlesnake–half IN the house, half in the yard. Those were not my best days.I like the idea of looking for a natural predator to bring in your yard.


  10. if i had read this before our walk, i would have made sure to walk right in front of you, waving my arms wildly, as to rip down any and every spidy web… so that none would catch you and give you the heebeegeebeeeeees ❤


  11. ah, spiders. how interesting they make our lives.i sometimes giggle because i do believe my house is in a Far Side cartoon…do you remember the one with the spiders, who have built a great web at the bottom of a slide and one says to the other, \”if this works, we'll eat like kings for a month\”.yeah. sometimes…a walk around my house to the laundry area makes me think of that cartoon. oh…and i hope the neighbors are not watching me do the \”everybody was kung fu fighting\” dance as i work my way through the webs!!!happy sunday, sweetie!!!


  12. This is probably my LEAST favorite post from you… EVER!Now I have the willies.Thanks a lot.Let me know if any of them turn into a studly spiderman, though. I'd read THAT post.=)


  13. You crack me up! I dislike spiders, too. I know grown hunky men who are scared of them. I wonder what \”animal\” likes to eat spiders. Would it be worse than having spiders? You like natural solutions – – – Google – – then report back to us.


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