Yesterday as I was getting into my car to leave I noticed a lizard near the garage door.
ME: Dude, you’d better scat or you’re gonna get run over.
I motioned my foot in his direction to ‘shoo’ him out and he decided to become a hitchiker.
I couldn’t get him off, so I walked him out to the sidewalk.
Dude, I gotta GO.
Really, I’ve GOT to go!
Why do I even bother talking to you?
Reality hits me and I look up to see if anyone noticed I was having a conversation with my leg lizard.
I wondered if this was my Jesus lizard reincarnated; that would be super cool and not nerdy at all.
Good lawd, I just remembered that lizards aren’t even insects; they’re reptiles.
No wonder he was ignoring me.
I don’t even know what it would feel like to be a normal person.