Hey, soul sister

After doing my spellcheck on this post, I realized it’s all over the place directionally, but I’m gonna leave it as is.

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve heard about the 23 & me or the Ancestry.com DNA tests.
It’s pretty interesting, isn’t it? A lot of us are connected to people that we don’t know and probably won’t ever know.
The girls and I did the ancestry.com DNA tests back in 2018. The Coach decided to NOT do it because the government will have too much information and could frame him for a crime one day.
I’m kind of kidding, but kind of not kidding. 
I was secretly hoping to find an unknown biological sister or brother out there, but damnit to heck, my parents apparently weren’t out there willy nilly having children and not claiming them. Thoughtless. 
I could use a Sister or Brother.

If you’re new here, you don’t know that I had a brother; Mark. He passed away in 1990 at the age of 25 ( I was 21) from AIDS. You know, before the Medical community could even try to remedy the disease as people were just losing their shit if they thought you might have AIDS and that you could catch it by being in the same room with someone with AIDS. It was horrible for Mark; he’d barely begun his life and it was taken from him.

Suz and Mark at our Dad’s 2nd wedding. Don’t we look thrilled? 

So, it would have been nice to have another sibling (I’d prefer a cure) to help with those years of Marks illness, then to have a sibling two years later when my dad suddenly became sick and died within 11 days from cancer or to have one help with the trauma/drama after my father died because of his very new third wife who turned out to be a liar, coke abuser, and just all-around bad person. (I should write a post about accidentally seeing her on Maury Povich spewing lies)

Mark and Dad; approx 1988-89

That was a long way to get around that I wish I had another sibling.

I digress….the point of this post is that, well, I can’t really mention any names to go with the point of this post. Hmmmm….here goes:
Someone that I know very well, has found out in the last few years that he/she has a 1/2 sibling. There won’t be anything to come of it, because this half sibling’s Mother’s dying wish was for him to never know his biological father because he was raised by a man who wants to only be known as his father.
Get it? 

But now, since the DNA websites are all the rage, there is another family member that has popped up. A 1st cousin for someone that I might be very close with.
This cousin has contacted several members of someone’s family and we pretty much know it to be 100% true, but the biological parent refuses to take the DNA test. (ass!)
By the way, both of these people have popped up in Lolo and Lindsay’s DNA as matches.

The Coach and I were discussing how frustrating it must be, to not know your family history.
 Good, bad or otherwise; my childhood was far from ideal, more dysfunction than function, but at least I know why I am who I am.
Do you remember the old saying: You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life. 
Wait, that’s not what I meant, but that was a great show. {Tootie!}

I suppose you never know what something like that really feels like (not knowing your history) if it’s not your story. I can empathize a lot of feelings, but not that one.
On the other hand, shared  DNA does not always mean family. 

Sometimes I wish we’d adopted and added to our family when the girls were younger; that way they would have more siblings and we could be a part of a good adoption story. Like a Two-Fer.
Please don’t advise that it’s not too late, because it is. We’re completely spoiled with our freedom of travel now that the kids have flown the nest.

Reading this again, I should divulge that I had a step-sister for many years; her Mom and my Dad were married (the second marriage where Mark and I are so ecstatic up there) for 9 years. She and I are not real close, but we do talk on the phone on occasion and via Facebook; she’s had a train wreck type of life And blames our childhood on her bad decisions. Ummmmm….we lived in the same house girlie for many of our years. She actually appreciates when I give her good advice even though I’m pretty harsh with the truth. She wouldn’t be the one I would call if I needed sisterly advice or help take care of a family member. 

Luckily for me, I have several friends whom I consider soul sisters; for that, I am blessed.

Have any of you taken the test and found some new leaves nuts in your family tree? 
Was anyone able to follow my rambling mind today? 

22 thoughts on “Hey, soul sister

  1. I haven't taken one of those DNA tests because I don't even bother keeping up with the relatives I know about, let alone the ones I don't. I enjoy genealogy but only about relatives who are all safely dead.AIDS was a terrible disease. I'm sorry your brother was one of its early victims. Our community lost so many men in that era. Such a loss.

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  2. Suz, I am so sorry that you lost your brother at such a young age. How very tragic, you must have been devastated.I have two brothers and I am estranged from one and not close to the other. It makes me so sad and a little jealous when I see friends who have super-close families, kids that are close, etc. I try to \”make\” my own family through friends. I never had a sister but I have sister-like friends that I cherish.

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  3. Both Betsy and I have taken those DNA tests. I did it primarily because of the health aspect — both of my parents had macular degeneration and now I Have it. I'd like to know — and I want my children to know — if there is a likely chance that I can pass it on. I don't know if I'll find some unexpected relatives, but we'll just have to wait and see.

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  4. I haven't taken the test but you took me down Memory Lane regarding dysfunctional family. I may have mentioned before that I did not realize we were dysfunctional until I was an adult. I just knew even with all the problems, we were surrounded by love – – – – and I am discounting the cousin by marriage who wanted to show us physical love by force which my sister and I both escaped!!!It would be too long of a story for me to go into it but I often wonder how some things might have been different in a good way – – – if – – – – .However God definitely directed my path to a good place in spite of me but because I made a few good choices in crucial circumstances.

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  5. Suz, this is heart breaking. So very sad about your brother's untimely and tragic passing. I wish you had more siblings too. Who wouldn't want you as a sister? I have never taken a DNA test. I have 4 siblings. That is sufficient. Ha. Add spouses in and there are lots of personalities at gatherings. My youngest brother is a great guy. He just finished coaching a travel team that both his son and Reg played on. It was a great experience. Reggie had a great season with him. My siblings think we are all so close. I know better. My sisters tend to be ultra controlling and judgmental (I like how that word has 'menta' in it). I know they would be there in a flash if I needed anything though. I just struggle with the day to day upkeep and tend to keep my distance. There was lots of favoritism in our home and it still crops up. My kids pick up on it. Things coulda been a whole lot worse.

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  6. I am so sorry about your brother's passing! Sending you hugs – even though this is many years later, I know it still stings.I have not taken a DNA test – I look at the family I know about and that sums it up for me. If these people are the ones I actually know about, do I REALLY want to find out about those I don't? No thank you.

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  7. To be honest I thought you had the perfect life, you do now, I think, with those beautiful daughters and hubby. Thanks for sharing, so sorry about your brother and dad passing away like that.My hubby failed his DNA test and has to repeat, he didn't submit enough saliva, had trouble with that part. He has to resubmit within a year.

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  8. SO MUCH TO UNPACK. I am really sorry about your brother, Mark. And then to lose your dad too, I just don't have the right words because I am horrible with words at the right time. I have friends who are closer to me and my little family than most of my DNA sharing family. I think we grew up hearing \”blood is thicker than water\” way too much. I think each generation is getting better at realizing those who make your soul soar don't have to be born to the same family and that is OKAY.

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  9. I kept thinking: is it me? Nope. Maybe that's me? But then I got to the bottom and wondered…is that me? Yup. Soul sisters. Or taco sisters. That's kind of the same, right? I haven't done dna anything… I'm with Coach!!! Ha!

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  10. Thank you for your kind words. I thought about you as I was writing this post, knowing how you and your siblings communicate (or don't). I feel like the parents are integral in how kids communicate. Right? I know you mentioned the 'chosen one'…..I can't imagine having a favorite kid. I'm sure you can't either.

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  11. I believe I was fortunate enough to 'create' a beautiful life by making better choices and having different priorities than my parents did. I adored and miss my Mom, but she would be the first one to tell you that I was raised by wolves. 🙂

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  12. Thank you Kari. There was a lot of loss for me, but I feel like I've come through with a great appreciation for life. Every.single.day. This is beautiful: \”those who make your soul soar don't have to be born to the same family\” XO

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  13. I'm so sorry that you lost your brother and your father so early but I'm glad you've got Coach and the girls and an excellent support system of friends around you. And who knows, maybe soon you will have loads of grandbabies to dote on!And also, I would love to hear about the step-mom you accidentally saw on Maury Pauvich.

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  14. I've seen the ads for Ancestry DNA testing, but I haven't done it. I doubt I'd find any long lost siblings (only child here) but it would be neat to see just where I came from. I may do it at some point just because.

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