The one where I visit a Doctor in a closet and I need a tongue transplant.

So, I broke down and finally went to the Dr. yesterday. I really didn’t want it to get to that point because, and I hope I’m not telling you something you don’t know, but all the sick people are at the Doctors office.

My regular Dr stopped taking our insurance, so right now I really don’t have a regular.
But I am regular in contrast to the lady I will meet up with in line at CVS.

My friend told me about the Minute Clinic. Have you heard of these? Just a little closet office inside CVS and you’re seen by a nurse practitioner. I mean, I wouldn’t go there if I fell off the roof while pressure washing and had a bone jutting out of my skin, but for my issue it was sufficient.

I was sure I had a sinus infection and of course, I was right. Sadly, they wouldn’t pay ME for the diagnosis, I still had to pay THEM. ‘Merica
Anyhoo, I’m on antibiotics, some saline spray, and Flonase. I’m certain I’ll be feeling like my normal sassy self in a hot minute.

The day before I had a bunch of errands to run starting with picking up a package at UPS, then Target.
I went into the UPS place and the lady fetched my package for me. Then I had to sign paperwork and this entire time, I needed to cough. I was holding in my cough. Kind of like holding your pee, but you know in my throat.
Finally, package in hand, papers signed and I almost made it to the door when my body wouldn’t hold in the cough one more second.

*COUGH*

I’m not kidding when I say a lady 4 feet behind me let out a gasp so big, that I know tons of old UPS germs made a beeline for her respiratory system.
Calm down, people.

After I didn’t infect the patrons of the UPS store, I headed to Target for my typical shopping run that I do every 10-14 days. On my list were some various items and apparently a hot ticket item.
No, it wasn’t for Tickle Me Elmo.

*cue the dramatic background music*
               
              TOILET PAPER

Do you think they had any TP at Target? 

Nope. Nada.
Not a square to spare.

I sent a family text complaining about the toilet paper and Linds let on that she is always stocked up and she would share, but only a square.
My people.

The next day after my visit with the minute clinic Dr inside the CVS closet, I purchased a six-pack of bud toilet paper like a normal human.
There was a lady behind me that had at least 48 rolls of TP.
My tongue was bleeding from me biting it because I wanted to ask if she needed a referral to a gastro specialist or did she want me to help her find the Imodium to assist with her apparent issue,
but on this day apparently, I had self-control.
Having self-control really takes a bite out of my fun.

I’m still very confused by it all and it’s the last thing I would think of hoarding. 
Food? Sure.
Medicine? Yeah.
Wine? Absofreakinglutely.
Toilet paper? Not even on my radar.

If anyone could clarify, please let me know.

Bueller?  Bueller? 

Last night as I was almost finished with dinner (the chores!)
I said to the Coach, can I still have ice cream if I don’t finish my chicken? (I told you I’m 12)
Oh, nevermind, we don’t have any ice cream.
His response: I’ll take you out for ice cream, but you have to stay in the car so you don’t scare anyone.
My people.  

I decided I didn’t really want ice cream, although the prospect of having it delivered to the car was appealing.

I already shared two nonsensical posts this week and I was thinking that was enough, but this one’s for you, Kari.
*holds bud light up in the air*
Wait, I don’t drink beer.

Wishing everyone a healthy weekend doing something fun and by fun, I don’t mean hoarding paper products.

Bee sweet.
Bee healthy.
Bee a good human.
Damnit.

XOXO

11 thoughts on “The one where I visit a Doctor in a closet and I need a tongue transplant.”

  1. The world is going crazy right now and for the life of me I have no idea what the toilet paper deal is anyway! I heard maybe because China makes all the tp and they are not shipping any right now? Probably not true but it's the only half-way reasonable explanation I've heard! Glad you are feeling better!

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  2. You make me laugh so hard. Your style also reminds me of a blog that was called Diapers or Wine. Sue was hysterical but you, you are even funnier. I can say that because she doesn't blog anymore. The long point I am trying to make is that I am begging you, please don't stop writing. Especially for the next month. But even after that. Even if you get really rich from the lottery and don't have time with all of your crossing the globe. DEAL?

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  3. Wasn't there a news story just a couple of months ago about how Americans' neverending need for toilet paper was depleting the mighty forests of Canada? At this rate, there won't be a stick or a bush left here by the summer.

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  4. It is insane out there! I went to the grocery store (to stock up on wine, as you do) and it was pandemonium. People were buying everything. Entire sections of the produce area were empty and I had to think about just how much of that food will be wasted when it goes bad; due to the stockpiling. And I'm sure it will.

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  5. Omg- regular CVS customer. Wink wink. Glad you got some drugs and hope you are feeling better soon. I do not get the TP hoarding. Same with water. We drink water from the faucet here when we are home. I do stock water bottles but urge my people to carry a water bottle. I just wrote a Friday post and will post in a few. Turns out class is not as scary as I anticipated. Based on intros from some of my classmates online I might be at the head of the class. Just saying. So much has been cancelled this weekend but WHY will they not cancel Curly's Irish dancing show. In a tent. Cold. Group of people. My couch is calling to me.

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