Feed me cheese and call me Kelly, but I’ll still be a liar.

I originally shared this in 2009. I stumbled upon it recently and thought it was worth sharing again; my Mom had her hands full when I joined the scene. 

When I was around 4 or 5, my Mom took me to our beloved shopping mall for a little outing. She thought it would be a good idea to go into the Jordan Marsh department store and try on some new clothes for herself.

Silly woman.

Oh, how I loved that store. Not only did they sell clothes, TOYS, perfume, and shoes, they also had a lunch counter. I think they may have had the best Girl cheese sandwiches ever.

 (it wasn’t until I was much older that I learned it was GRILLED and not GIRL cheese. Now, that made sense that my brother was able to also order it.)

On this particular day, as Mom and I were in the dressing room, and I already had my fill of girl cheese, I was bored to tears with her trying on clothes. 

I made a break for it. I easily climbed out of my stroller, for I am part monkey.

It was so easy to escape my cell  underneath the door, especially when my captor was naked.

These are the things I did to her, but secretly I think she enjoyed all the chases I put her through. How else would a young mom get her daily exercise?

I remember bits and pieces of this day, but as my Mom told the story I think it gets better each time.

I vaguely remember wandering through the clothes department and out into the freedom of the mall.

I kind of remember crossing over the little wishing pond in the middle of the mall; the pond that I dreamt of falling into one day and collecting all the shiny coins.

I vaguely remember the smell of burning candles, pretty colors and twinkling lights.

Alas, I found myself in the Wicks-n-Sticks store. Also known as heaven.

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Photo borrowed from here.
 

Then I remember people asking me ALL sorts of questions; they really wanted to know about me!

What is your name? Where is your Mommy? How old are you?

Wow. A kid can get used to this kind of attention. 

“Why hello nice people, my name is Kelly and I am 9 years old.”

YES, I was a big fat little liar.

According to my Mom, it took 20 minutes for 20 3 deputies and some all of the mall staff to find me. 

Prior to Amber alert days, you could get away with more stuff; the good ole’ days. 

I was a bad, bad girl.

And the name Kelly? Who knows where that came from.

Since I’m a fickle pickle, a year or two later, I changed my name to Cindy.
Cindy Damn Brady. 

The funny part? Today, when I venture to the mall, I still end up in the candle department.  Minus security.

 

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Is that mess of a kid Suz, Kelly or Cindy?  

How did you traumatize your parents?

C’mon. I know you did. How else would we be friends? 

53 thoughts on “Feed me cheese and call me Kelly, but I’ll still be a liar.”

  2. LOL that is a GREAT story – but boy am I glad you didn't get kidnapped or anything :-oI guess back then life was simpler? I remember growing up in the 70's and 80's and being out all day long with no parental supervision, it was expected you took care of yourself and of your siblings, you came home for lunch and that was that. How times have changed, eh?

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  5. Love the knee socks…….hey I think I had a pair of those shoes only in dark blue with light blue velvet on top…lol My fond memory of shpping with my mom was when I was about 6 or 7 and I had a lose tooth and my mom tricked me and pulled it out in filene's department store…I cried when she grabbed the tooth and pulled and just then I swallowed the tooth and then cried even harder because the tooth was gone and that meant no proof for the tooth fairly…..!

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  6. That is wild and I love your picture! I was the world's most bashful child; I never ventured very far alone.

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  7. What a cute story, Suz… You make a cute Kelly and Cindy in addition to Suzanne. I drove my parents crazy in high school since I had a boyfriend whom they did not like… It wasn't a great time—but I thanked them later for caring so much about me.Hugs,Betsy

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  8. My little darling did that to me one day at Sam's Club, the little shit!! They called a Code Adam, locked down the entire store, sent every single available employee through the store to look for him, while I stood at the service desk literally shaking and trying not to burst into hysterical tears. All of a sudden, the store manager, who was standing next to me, whispers, \”Ma'am, do you know that woman?\” I look where he's looking, and I see my very angry mother carrying a struggling Stud Muffin, chastising him for having run away. I could see how she could have been mistaked for a kidnapper, and a mean one at that!! I didn't know whether to squeeze him or spank him! Oh, that was definitely one of my scariest Mommy moments.

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  9. Very cute :)My parents used to leash me {with an actual dog leash} because I would wander off all the time.One time at the airport I ended up sitting on the baggage carosel {sp?} going round and round.:)

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  10. Oh, I had the police out looking for me more than once. And the MPs, too. (Military Police, when we lived on base.) I wasn't naughty, I just got lost really easily. Once, I went home with a little girl in my class who saw me crying on the street. I was lost. Of course, we tried to call my mom but she was out looking for me. It must be easier now with cell phones. Funny story! I never made up a pseudonym. Clever!

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  11. a couple of things spring to mind. I ate poison berries from a bush at the age of three or so, I remember my dad rushing round to the GP next door for advice.I also tipped the chair over when switching the tv channel over ( the day of no remotes- good grief) and split my head open needing lots of stitches. Great fun and you say- keeps parents on their toes.

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  13. Suz: you are awful, how could you?personally when waiting for mother I always sat perfectly with an angelic smile on my face, hands in my lap and ankles crossed, just as in church. I was NEVER naughty.but I was a damn good actress. 🙂

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  14. So did you ever get payback from your daughters? I remember just losing sight of my boys in the mall a couple of times and the sinking feeling! Your poor mom must of been hysterical!

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  15. Love that adorable photo!!!When I saw the title of this post, I thought you were talking about Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell…because I so wanted to be her too 🙂

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  17. I did the same thing to my Mom at a mall in Chattanooga. But I still swear she wandered off first. I was just standing there beside her looking at shoes and the next thing I know, she is gone…

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  19. We didn't have malls when I was growing up and I haven't heard my parents tell such an interesting story about me. But we did name our daughter Kelly and she put us through a couple of 'adventures' like the one you described. There must be something with that name …

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  20. i like the knee high socks best about your outift bee!!….. next time tell us the story about the fake \”person\” you put in your bed when you snuck out at night…. (i bet you did do that right?)

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  21. I'm not sure I'd call it deliberately traumatizing. I think \”payback\” is more appropriate, and being that my mom was a mighty creative gal herself, this required drastic action. Mom was sitting on the sofa with a pair of glimmering scissors. She said, \”Debbie! Look how cute your sister is with her new, super-duper-short-pixie-cut. Don't you want me to cut your long beautiful golden strands so your hair is adorable like your sisters?\” Naturally, I sat down. When I stood back up I looked like my son — only I wouldn't meet him for another 3 decades. In the meantime, my sister's pixie had grown a bit and she wanted her bangs cut. So guess what I found? Mom's scissors. Oh boy was mom surprised by sister's little nubs — cut right before the family holiday pictures.

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  22. have i heard this story before? i'm sure your mom loved getting her exercise that way… you naughty girl!! but i do love that you found the candle store… some things never change!

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  23. I love this story, Suz. My mom & I used to go to Fredrick & Nelson (a Marshall Field store), where I would have a cup of chicken & rice soup, a bowl of Olympic Berry sherbet and teddy bear cookie to go. Yes, we love sweets in our family!One day when I was in preschool, my mom dropped me off (I wouldn't let her walk me in, because I was a BIG GIRL). She had forgotten that there was a fieldtrip that day, and no one was there. I found the doors locked, so I started to walk home, by myself, through a pretty busy town. I knew exactly where I needed to go (it was a couple of miles). Getting tired, I stopped to rest at our dry cleaners, & they recognized me & called her. She said, \”Oh no, you must be mistaken; my daughter is at preschool!\” After they put me on the phone to prove it, she came & picked me up and made me TAKE A NAP! After such a big adventure, I remember being insulted that I had to take a nap…but now I know SHE needed the quiet time to recover from the shock. I remember that everyone made big deal out of the fact that I knew the way home. That seemed dumb to me, since I always went home after going out; of course I knew how to get home! I also recall that I was also mad, because I wanted to finish the job and get home on my own. That's my version of your mall story. Thanks for asking; it's a funny memory!

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  25. I seem to remember getting choked on hard candy at Christmas time….every. single. year. GAH! Dad would flip me upside down, and beat me on the back until the candy flew out of my mouth. We were all happy when Lifesavers were invented!I always wanted to be named Veronica…or Toni, with an \”i\”!

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  26. I once left my mom in a department store and went to the bedding section and fell asleep in one of their pre made beds. it took her an hour to find me. I think that qualifies as traumatic no?

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  27. Oh my gosh…I'm on the ground laughing. You can borrow my name any time. It's gotten me in trouble a few time too!!! 🙂

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  32. Aidyn loves to open the doors to the bathroom stall and dressing room! I know at least a half a dozen people have seen more then they've bargained for!

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  34. Good for you! Changing your name and having an adventure AND soaking up some attention.

    WERE YOU A MIDDLE CHILD?

    Probably not; we Middles would not have had the guts to go and do anything like that, not even once. But we all dreamed of it.

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  35. You do LOOK an awful lot like Cindy Brady. Love that pic. You probably chose Kelly so people would stop calling you Susan. 9 yrs old, huh? I am thinking they were on to you. I changed my name in kindergarten because I was ticked that Ms. Nancy and her magic mirror on Romper Room never called me by name. I told all my girlfriends to call me Julie or Michelle. I never responded to either nane. Prob should’ve just gone with one new name. So it did not stick.

    As far as how I tormented my folks. Hmm. I think I was pretty easy as a tot, fast forward to high school – different story. My 2 older sisters were wall flowers so they did me no favors. I was once grounded for 6 weeks for attending a party and I didn’t even drink. After that? The gloves were off. I was like ‘Well I may as well have a Bartles and James if I am going to encounter the longest grounding ever.’ I attended Catholic HS. We had to wear blazers and everyone wore buttons on said blazer aka ‘flare’. So I made a button that said ‘Eat, drink, and be merry. For tomorrow you too may be grounded.’

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    1. Yes, anything to stop them from calling me Susan!

      I loved Romper Room; they probably didn’t call Suzanne either, but possibly Susan.
      So funny about you getting in trouble for nothing. Goodness! You should have rebelled more.

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  38. OMG! You look like Cindy Brady there. OMG. I have one where I look like Tabitha from Bewitched. Too funny. I love the Girl Cheese sandwiches and that your brother could have one too. Hahahahahaahahaha.

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  40. OMG, I forgot about Wicks and Sticks.
    My brother once left his stroller at a very busy Chicago mall and my mom had to call security to find him.
    Is it me or did kids go missing more in the 70s than they do now??

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  41. Love the story and your picture, Cindy! My brother always said I was part monkey too! I escaped the house one day in nothing but a diaper and my mom’s prized alligator high heels. A neighbor caught me walking down the sidewalk!!! I’m sure if I had been old enough to talk I would have said my name was something sporty like Buffy!!! xoxo

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  43. Look at cute, tiny Suz – so innocent looking! LOL! If I thought about it long enough, I’m sure I could come up with something, but I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.

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  45. What a cute story and adorable photo! Once I got lost in a grocery store for all of 5-10 minutes. It seemed like much longer to me and I thought my Mom had left me there. Like she would just forget all about me and go home… lol Funny how a little kid’s mind works.

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  46. When I was about 3 or 4 we were in a store called TOPS. I remember losing sight of my mom and when I couldn’t find her I headed to the parking lot to see if the car was still there so I would know that they were still in the store and I should keep looking! Some kind lady took me to the service desk and they called for my mom!

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