No Woman, No Cry

I think I only have ONE male reader, so George, I apologize for this post.

I had my annual smooshing and smearing last week, as women we’ve gotta keep our lady parts in check. While I don’t enjoy it at all, I am so appreciative that I have health insurance and a kind Dr; even the smooshing expert is pleasant and we meet every year around the same time for our intimate moments with my boobs. It’s also such a convenience for me that I can get my mammogram upstairs, then trot downstairs for my pap. Is that how it works everywhere? Probably not.

My girls visit the same office, so I wanted to share with them my whereabouts.

They are hilarious.

All is well on my end(s). Although, I’m a bit irritated when they often refer to me as ‘dense’. But, I think they’re talking about my boobs and not my brain. *fingers crossed*

I’m going to get bloodwork drawn soon, but I’m pretty sure I’m fully in menopause now. I’m not complaining because my days of NOT being in menopause were tough. Without going into the bloody details (see what I did there), my monthly friend wreaked havoc in my life. (wreaked? Wrecked?) anyhoo….from the ripe old age of 15/16 until February of this year, it was hellish. Miserable. Drained the life out of me for a few days every month. I used to see those damn tampon commercials where the girls were jogging, riding bikes, climbing mountains, and here I was bleeding to death on the couch canceling all planned activities that required me to be upright.

Now? I’m ready to climb a mountain.

Ok, maybe just a hill.

Hell, what am I talking about, I tripped stepping onto the driveway last week.

Menopause hasn’t been a walk in the park, but, I’m getting used to the brain fog, fits of anger, thinning hair, belly weight, hot flashes and the like.

And since I don’t want to ONLY complain on ye ole’ blog…Wait, am I complaining or rejoicing?

Look at this beautiful Eastern Black Swallowtail female that I released this week.

How nice to be a lady butterfly and NOT bleed to death or go through menopause. But then gain, they only get to live for a few weeks anyway; might as well let her have some fun.

Happy Friday my friends! Anyone have any exciting plans for the weekend?

I’m going to make it my mission to finish up my photo sorting project and organize my closet for the 700th time this weekend. I’m sure you’re thinking I have such a glamorous life and you’re correct.


12 thoughts on “No Woman, No Cry

  1. HA HA mammogram upstairs, pap downstairs, that is AWESOME. I was okay as long as I was on the pill, but when I came off it in my forties shit got real disturbing. Since I got my uterus scorched (my daughter’s term), it’s been much better. Your daughters ARE hilarious. And that butterfly is breathtaking.


  2. Oh being a lady is so fun!! For reasons I shall not disclose my post a while back about me being in menopause was a sham…ugggggh. Probably switching doctors which is also a pain!! It would be nice to get it all done at the same place, but I have to visit the gyn, wait for them to fax over the mammo order, call the hospital and set it up for a week or so later. . And that is such a pretty butterfly!!


  3. You’re lucky to have one place to go to for all of your lady bits services. I wander hither and yon to three different places. I wish you well with menopause. For me it was pretty much no big deal, so it can happen without intense drama. Just a little drama. The butterfly is pretty, pretty.


  4. All in ONE PLACE? Do you live in Utopia?

    Welcome to The Club, my dear. (I sold my last, opened box of Tampax at a garage sale. I kid you not. It was sort of a Symbolic Moment. Made it Official.)

    I just redid my closet, too. Another bag for donation.


  5. I usually do the opposite, pap first and then mammo. Usually on the same day. Gets it over with quick! Glad all is well with you. I had an early menopause and still suffer occasional hot flashes over 20 years later! Your daughters are hilarious and that butterfly is gorgeous!


  6. Where was I on Friday when this posted?

    Your girls are hilarious. So are you. I do not think it would ever occur to me to snap a photo of the stirrups.

    I just went for my pap in June. Ran late. Construction in the parking lot. Drove further. Parked blocks away. Ran back to office in the rain. Um, not just the lot under construction. They had moved to a different location and the building was being gutted. New place SO CLOSE to my home. I drove right past it in my rush to not be late. Never saw the postcard they claim to have mailed to me. Remember, house full of cracks.

    I used to practically pass out once a month. Could barely stand long enough to make the kids’ lunch. So, I hear you. Then YEARS later I learn that this was most likely due to my undiagnosed celiac disease. How could all the docs miss that for so long? I thought I was done. Then last month I realized SADLY that I am NOT. Ugh.

    More new info for me on butterflies. I had no idea that she would not live that long. So pretty.

    I got more photo album pages in the mail but no time to wrap up that project right now. I spent a lot of time over the weekend working on an assignment for my class. And interviewed another family to possibly babysit more babies. Coach is convinced I have lost my mind. People have not gotten back to me yet.


  7. What Ernie said. How in the fudge did I miss this post? It didn’t show up on my Bloglovin feed. I hate Bloglovin. I need to check my WordPress only from now on.
    I love that you took pictures from the stirrups. I actually text people from the stirrups. I once texted my mom to ask her something and she was mortified. I am actually putting that in my book and I am sure she will be mortified about that too but it’s okay. If I become rich, I am buying her a convertible as hush money.

    You are going to love my book, I can already tell. I might give you an early copy. I have one chapter titled “lumpy boobs and forks in the road” and I felt like you could appreciate it. I am so grateful for finding Ernie and then, in turn, finding you.


    1. I’ve noticed that bloglovin DOES take forever for my posts to show up, should I write them a strongly worded letter?

      Hey, I’d also take a car as hush money, I have NO shame.
      I know I’m gonna love your book…please add in the phrase LADY KITCHEN when referring to your reproductive parts. That will make me so happy.


  8. Betsy

    HA HA —didn’t realize that my George was so special!!!!!! Crazy guy… I noticed that he didn’t comment on this one!!!!!! ha

    Just wait til you are old enough not to have to have a Pap Smear anymore (unless there is a problem)…. One of the FEW joys of getting old!!!!!! BUT–I still get that yearly Smashogram… Fun Fun…



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