Celebrating Dads, Fearing The Mom Voice and Expanding My Prison Vocabulary

The girls arrived early in the morning on Father’s day to celebrate the day. The Coach decided we would spend some time at our local zoo. We were shocked at his choice because frankly, it was unexpected. I’m wondering if he’s recently been watching a lot of Animal Planet. We’ve lived here almost 25 years and this was his first visit to our zoo; which is about 14 minutes from our home. Twenty-five years and apparently I’ve been taking the girls there all by myself? I know for sure my Mom went with us a few times because there was This One Time (not at band camp) that we misplaced Lauren for about 7 minutes. Seven minutes of HELL. I still get the shivers when I think of it.

I kept a close eye on ALL my people this visit.

The girls insisted the Coach feed a giraffe and lucky for all of us, they have giraffes that you CAN feed romaine lettuce for five bucks.

*Suz makes mental note to put romaine in her purse for the next visit*

I think he enjoyed it more than he expected; I mean how can you not have fun that close to an 18″ tongue?

Ya’ll it was HOT. I’m already OVER summer; apparently my Florida born self has hit it’s Summer Limits. I could not wait to depart the lovely, not visited enough in the winter zoo as the sweat was dripping down all of my parts.

We then had lunch with my FIL & MIL at our marina in the air conditioning; I’m a fan of conditioned air.

During our visit the Coach casually asked Lolo if she’s had to pull out her gun or taser lately. I always cringe thinking of things like this, so I NEVER ask. She answered that NO, she hadn’t needed to do either, but she did have to use her MOM VOICE recently to get someone under control and it worked well.

I can’t deny, that I might have Puffed Up a Bit at hearing this; I taught her well.

She also explained that most of the arrests in her area are related to mental health or drug issues; most people are not horrible, they’re just messed up and make terrible choices. Maybe their Mom didn’t tell them each and every time they walked out the door to Make Good Choices? I’m wondering what she did say to them though? Bye?

Speaking of jail because who doesn’t, I was chatting with Lolo a few months ago to get an update on her Field Training and she mentioned a new to me term: Prison Wallet. It took me about 2 minutes to figure out what she meant as I proceeded to clench my buttocks.

You know, when she was born I had no idea of the things that SHE would teach ME.

So, have you fed a giraffe lately. Or ever? More importantly, did you know about Prison Wallets? Those by the way, are not good Father’s Day gifts. I just know they aren’t.


30 thoughts on “Celebrating Dads, Fearing The Mom Voice and Expanding My Prison Vocabulary

  1. I haven’t fed a giraffe in a long while, but duly noted about the romaine lettuce. I do love the idea that a police officer uses her MOM VOICE to subdue miscreants. There is so much to unpack in that thought, all of it good.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am familiar with prison wallets. No, no…. not from personal experience. I simply read a lot of unsavory books. And oddly enough, I have fed a giraffe. A pregnant one at the National Zoo. Even watched her give birth a few hours later. As for summer southern sun? You can have it. I melt in anything over 75.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bijoux

    I think I’ve fed a giraffe on one of those car safaris we took our kids on a few times. A giraffe’s wet tongue can really make a mess out your windshield, believe me! Ok, I’m too afraid to click on Prison Wallet. Urban Dictionary has already traumatized me for life.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I give all of you lots of credit for going to a zoo in Florida heat, but I love that your husband chose the zoo for his Father’s Day. 🙂
    I don’t think I’ve fed a giraffe, but I think I need to do that! How fun!
    Prison wallet… oh my. I googled it to make sure it was what I thought it was. Oh, dear. Happy Father’s Day in-deedy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I almost asked if I could NOT attend the zoo outing, but I knew that would go over like a lead balloon.
      I knew you would know what the prison wallet is. Don’t ask how I knew, but I just knew.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Maddie

    Your blog musta been going thru a tunnel or no signal spot because the connection got real bad. I couldn’t understand anything after the word prison or was it prism? And did you say something about buttocks or buttered lox? Yah. Bad connection fer sure and am not now totally scarred for life or anything….

    Or perhaps I got the vapors and swooned?
    Some things I don’t need to know Suz! 🙂
    Anywho, I loved this post about your fam and giraffes and nothing *else*.

    Love your daughter’s use of Mom Voice. The enduring power of the Mom Voice. You taught her well. I’ve never fed a giraffe but now I have a new goal! Giraffes are my favorite! They just seem so sweet with their big giraffe eyes and enviable long eyelashes. Glad you guys had a lovely Father’s Day talking about giraffes and prisms and buttered lox! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Again, YOU made me laugh. I was supposed to make YOU laugh today. Sorry about the passing out, vapors, etc…

      I think giraffes are the coolest-looking critters on the planet. Yes to the eyelashes. And speaking of eyelashes, because EYELASHES are the shit now; when I see the girls with the SUPER long eyelash extensions, I always compare them to giraffes.

      I wish the Mom voice worked on everyone. Could you imagine?


      1. Maddie

        You do make laugh! I’m just trying to return the favor! 🙂

        Yes! People with giraffe eyelashes. Kinda want them. Kinda distracted by the giraffe thing. Sure they’re cute but imagine feeling a breeze when you blink…. (Oh the eyelashes in early episodes of Once Upon A Time! Wooooosh!)

        I *so* wish the Mom voice worked on everyone. Life would be lovely and also *sensible*.


  6. No outside anything for me anymore at this time of year, just can’t tolerate the heat anymore. The marina sounds much nicer – air conditioning, good food, maybe a cocktail or two and a nice view of outside is more my style! I’ve never fed a giraffe but I did get licked by one once, it traumatized me for life lol. Let’s not think about or talk about prison wallets ever again, especially for Father’s Day!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Love the family zoo trip. The last time I took my own offspring (not daycare kids) to the zoo was November. Coach came along and when he couldn’t find his way to a specific animal my kids were like HUH? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU. He’d only ever gone a handful of times. My kids could find their way around blindfolded.

    Days before Mini was born, I was at the zoo with my folks, my brother Pat, maybe my sister, nieces and nephews. Pat had friends in town from Ireland and we were ‘gathered’. Instead of exiting the gorilla house with us, 3 year old Ed kept on going round in the circular path to see the gorillas again, or give me a heart attack. Case of so many adults we lost track of who was supposed to be watching that one kid. ‘Thought he was up with you?’ Scary as all get out.

    Our zoo just started doing the giraffe feeding thing. Fortunately they didn’t have that when my guys were little or there would’ve been no $ for college tuition.

    Happy to have increased my prison lingo and hope to never need to use it in a sentence. Love the MOM VOICE usage. My mother had a mom voice AND a teacher voice, for when we asked about homework. Super annoying. “Mom, we aren’t in a classroom. Stop shouting.”

    I love the heat – so long as there is a body of water close enough for me to take a dip.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We were in a group setting just finishing one of the little ‘show and tell’ shows the zoo has during the day and upon departing, Lolo accidentally walked off with another family. You know, legs are legs. I ran to the entrance/exit shouting DO NOT LET ANYONE LEAVE until I find her! It was scary.
      The only body of water near us at the zoo was my drenched body. NOT fun. 😉


  8. MAKE GOOD CHOICES is such an awesome Mom Saying. One of my friends LOST THEIR TODDLER SON AT DISNEYLAND. Can you even imagine. It was at least an hour before they were reunited, and I don’t know how they actually lived that long. I guess Disney staff is well trained, if they see a little one without family they immediately take them to Lost Children’s…room? I don’t really know. Anyway, Disney obviously doesn’t want something awful to happen on their watch so the little guy was taken to Lost Children’s Whatever It Is and it wasn’t for an hour when they figured out to check it.

    I love the zoo so much! I used to take the kids all the time. Not in Florida heat, mind you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love the zoo! We were supporting members of the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo for years when the kids were little and went all the time. Feeding the seals and lorikeets and riding the camels were all regular activities. Yes, I rode a camel.

    Even better than the Mom Voice is the Teacher Voice. But I like the idea of a cop sounding like a mom so much better. It probably evokes a terrific involuntary response.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Not going to touch that tongue comment with an 18″ pole.

    I, too, am a fan of conditioned air. At least our heat is rarely accompanied by humidity. The few times it’s humid here, I pretty much curl up into a ball and cry. In my air-conditioned living room, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. We go to the zoo here at least once a year. Never fed the giraffe’s though. I don’t know what a prison wallet is but I can imagine, and nnow I probably will google it in spite of not really wanting to!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Melanie Galliano

    Hey we’ve done that at the Gulf Breeze Zoo! By that I mean feeding giraffes lol I used to love going to the zoo with the girls when they were younger. We lost Valerie at Animal Kingdom in Orlando when she was 7. It was a good 90 mins or so ….. scary!

    Liked by 1 person

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