This And That; Find A Grave & Find A Giggle

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz

I don’t know where I stumbled upon this but I thought it was fascinating. Find A Grave is a website that allows you to search for a grave. Anywhere. Well, it’s only for marked graves, if you bury a body in the woods, you’d better use a GPS tracker.

I found out where both my Paternal Grandparent’s Mausoleums are located (this was a mystery prior) and I could see a photo of my brother’s gravesite. Of course, I can actually drive there to see it too when I’m in GA, but it was cool nonetheless.

I was tickled to see the butterfly figurine on it; I think my Cuz Patrick left it there.

Speaking of death because who doesn’t. I was on the phone with Lolo this week and she mentioned that Nathan would be late getting home because he had to go give a Death Notice.

Me: Oh, that must really suck. Do you have to do that too?

Lolo: Oh yeah, plenty of times. I’ve learned not to pussy-foot around, you have to be clear and concise with people. If the EMT is there, they are supposed to do it, but then they just stand there with a blank face and say nothing, So I have to do it. Sissies.

{Is it just me or does Law Enforcement get to have all the fun?}

This gave me a flashback to the day my brother Mark passed away. My Dad and I were living in Florida, Mark and Mom were in GA. Mom called me really early one morning and said that Mark had been in the hospital and he had a heart attack. (He had been sick with AIDS for 2 years) We knew he wasn’t going to survive AIDS, but still it was a shock. I called my Dad and said: Mark had a heart attack.

In my 21 year old brain, that meant that he was gone.

Later that day I went to my Dad’s house and said we need to get our plans in order, so we can get up to GA and help mom with the funeral plans.

Dad: WHAT?!

Turns out, he went the whole day, NOT knowing that Mark had passed away because I didn’t say it. I assumed he knew.

*sigh*

As he typically did, my father went batshit crazy and started raging. Because we all know that helps.

*sigh*

I’m so happy I didn’t marry my father; I’ve heard that’s a thing.

And just so I don’t leave you with death on your mind…

That will always make me laugh. Always.

Anyone else make a huge faux pas when sharing bad news? Spill away.

If not, did that meme make you laugh as hard as it did me?

XOXO

28 thoughts on “This And That; Find A Grave & Find A Giggle”

  1. I don’t know that I’ve made a faux pas when sharing bad news. This strikes me as odd considering who I am and I how I tend to say things unfiltered. My time is a’coming I suppose. As for the haircut meme, excellent advice.

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  2. I used Find A Grave once. It’s odd and incredible as a resource.

    I constantly made faux pas that led my sons to think I was going to deliver bad news. I’ve now learned to say things like, “Grammy’s fine, but…” or “Dad’s fine, but…” first. They were pretty blunt in their teaching method; I learned fast.

    That haircut meme–sigh. I always tell myself to wait two weeks.

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    1. I’ve learned to start off with the ‘everything is fine’ line too after scaring some of my people at the beginning of a phone call.
      Good advice on the two weeks, haircut deal.

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  6. Bijoux

    I use Find A Grave regularly for my genealogy work. It’s invaluable and often has info you can’t find elsewhere. I can’t think of a time that I ever had to deliver bad news, but I did find out my grandmother died from the funeral home director that called my childhood home, maybe thinking I was an adult or already knew? It was bizarre, because my parents came home later acting like grandma was still alive, until I told them the jig was up.

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  7. I wouldn’t have known he was dead either!! BUT, I also wouldn’t have raged. I would’ve just been a sloppy mess.

    I love that a “butterfly” was on the grave.

    I can’t imagine having to break the news to family members like that. One of my parents’ best friends was a state trooper, and he’d come over from time to time in uniform. It was quite a sight when a state trooper rings your doorbell in full uniform. We’d be all, OMG WHO DIED???

    I’m absolutely going to use the haircut line on someone.

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    1. At that time, I just thought every person who had a heart attack died. Like I said, I was young and naive.

      Laughing about the trooper visiting and you assuming someone died!

      Let me know how the haircut line goes. 😃

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  8. The Widow Badass

    A close friend announced via a comment on my Facebook page that my mother had died before I had had a chance to make a post about it. Suddenly I was flooded with messages and calls that I wasn’t yet ready for. She meant well but….I consider that a major faux pas.

    Deb

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    1. Yes, that is a major faux pas. I can’t imagine; people just don’t think sometimes.

      I think the same goes for good news too: You don’t share someone else’s NEWS for the public to see before that person does. Lolo had someone share wedding photos on FB before she had a chance; that is poor taste in my book.

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  10. I’ll readily admit, my foot is a regular visitor to my mouth… Not only where bad news are on the line 🙂 Funnily enough, those awkward moments (for me), have served to cheer others 🙂

    Most excellent haircut-cheer-up-advice! I wonder if asking someone if they’re pregnant would help, too? 😀

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    1. Foot-In-Mouth. Sounds like a virus of some sort, right?

      I learned long ago to never mention if someone might be pregnant unless I am AT THEIR BABY SHOWER, or if I see a head peeking out. 😳

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  11. I use Find A Grave frequently. Sometimes it has information that’s not on Ancestry.com. I like that meme, it reminds me of the way my husband used to cheer our kids up with his witty remarks when they were upset about something. He got them laughing pretty quickly. I never mastered the art and remain too serious for my own good, too worried about making things worse…

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  12. nicoleboyhouse

    I’ve never even heard of find a grave! This post was a roller coaster – my heart went out to you about your brother, and then I was mad about your dad raging, and then I laughed at that meme. I experienced all the emotions, Suz! xo

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  13. Hey, this Grave finder is great. I found my Paternal Great Grandmother. She died when my Grandfather was 2 and he convinced my mother to name me after her. It was interesting to know where she is buried.

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  14. How did I miss this post? Well, my post today explains half of why and the other half of my busy friday is explained in my next post. *smacks head with hand*

    I didn’t screw up a death message but COACH DID.

    We were engaged. His grandma was sick. I was going to his folks’ house after work for dinner. They were all talking about grandma. I was enjoying my meal. Eventually I felt confused. Pulled Coach aside. Did Grandma die? He thought he told me during the day. Lost track of who he’d told. Huh? How?

    I never said SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. Just stuffed my pie hole like a fool. I quickly threw him under the bus and told his mom sorry, he didn’t mention it.

    That meme is so funny. Can’t wait to share with my kids when they wake up.

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    1. I know how silly your people are; they will love and ‘get’ the meme.

      That must have been the most awkward dinner ever. I can’t believe your Coach put you in that position without knowing what was happening. Crazy young man!

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  15. Melanie Galliano

    Find a grave is amazing. I’ve often wondered who takes the time to upload all those grave pictures. My parents popped up on it shortly after they passed somehow. I’ve looked up a bunch of relatives graves on there as well.

    Like

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