Short & Sweet: Man Vs WoMan

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz

Dig if you will, the picture: For some weird reason I woke up earlier than normal the other day, and as I was slipping on my shoes and heading to brush my teeth I had this weird feeling come over me that involved the desire to smoke a large amount of meat.

Hmm. That’s not a normal Suzanne thought.

Next, I as I was brushing my teeth, I was thinking that when I’m done smoking all the meats, I’ll see if I have time to Coach Some Girls’ Softball.

GOOD LORD SUZANNE, SNAP OUT OF IT.

That’s when I remembered that I’d run out of my multivitamins a while ago and I’ve been ingesting my husbands vitamins.

THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

A Shit Show was about to commence because I was casually scratching my crotch, giggling at a Dad joke I’d heard the day prior and thinking of heading to the Gun Range next.

Instead I bee-lined it to the Vitamin Store so I could stop the insanity.

This is a mostly true story. I did ingest MAN vitamins for quite a few days.

I’M NO SPRING CHICKEN!

A bit of a shopping shocker for me was that they don’t sell 54 year old vitamins; I had to purchase the Woman’s 55+ as I’ll be hitting that milestone in a few weeks. Can you picture me walking into the Vitamin store and asking for 54 year old vitamins? They couldn’t sell those legally. Right?

Anyhoo, all is right again in my vitamin world and you’ll be pleased to know I don’t have the desire to scratch my nether regions any longer.

DAD JOKES

*My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”

*Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Raise your hand if you don’t take vitamins on the regular and how you are still alive!? 😉

XOXO

36 thoughts on “Short & Sweet: Man Vs WoMan”

    1. I’ve heard that elderberry is good for the immune system. I can not add another thing to my morning routine.
      I was kidding about the scratching part…but not the smoking meat part. 😜

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  3. You’re funny. I did just start taking a few vitamins that my doctor suggested after my physical in December. B12. B3. Folic Acid. My OB suggested I take magnesium, but I haven’t added that one just yet. I need to get on that.

    Dad jokes – I don’t get. Coach frequently shares with us something he said to a patient or someone, something he claims is ‘funny’. I’m almost always baffled at how he admits that he thinks these things are funny. The kids eyes bug out of their heads, as in: DAD! NO.

    My two girls, or maybe it’s just Curly, prefer men’s deodorant. This blows my mind. Maybe one day I will find a woman’s brand that she will accept.

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    1. I think only Dad’s understand Dad Jokes. It’s a law somewhere…

      Men’s deodorant? Wow, they pull out the big guns for their ‘under guns’. 😳

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  4. Bijoux

    I always love a Prince reference! I do not take a multivitamin, but I do take a low dose D3, fish oil, and magnesium for specific maladies.

    I’m more questioning who puts on shoes to brush their teeth? Lol!

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  5. Hand raised. I try to want to take Vitamins, but seem to fail to follow through. When I do manage it I take One-A-Day Women’s Petites because they’re easy to swallow. I often have my shoes on when I do.

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  6. I love my gummy multivitamins – like candy with no guilt. I also take a magnesium, probiotic, and iron hair supplement each day. I have been known to dip into the men’s gummies when mine run out and so far, nothing too manly has happened though smoking some meat sounds great! My boys refuse to use the woman’s vitamins if theirs run out though…claim they might develop chesticles.

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  7. M

    Funny!!! LOL I am so glad you remedied that; I’d hate the thought of you scratching in the nether regions!! But is taking vitamins for 55+ that make you lose your filters and not caring what everyone else thinks better? (Note: In case someone takes offense — it’s kind of a phenomenon that old people lose their filter and say whatever comes to their mind so I’m just using that here.) He he he!!

    I’m trying to do better about taking vitamins. Last time I had my blood draw, my doctor said I needed to take Vitamin D because old ladies need a lot more of it! I am not very consistent, though….and just like skincare, I have great enthusiasm/plan but lack follow-through. I buy and think that’s good enough…but I think it works much better if I actually use/take them???

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    1. My filter started to diminish in my early 40s…so buckle up your seatbelts, people!

      I bet if you set the bottle of Vitamin D next to your toothbrush, you’d remember to take it before bed. That is my surefire remedy for remembering things. Also, a HUGE sticky note on the wall helps. If that fails, maybe a tattoo on your hand?

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    3. I had a good giggle, too, and since you mentioned your filters are down, I’m going to share this dad-joke with you (yes, dad joke, read to the end before you judge me 😀 )

      What part of the male anatomy can grow to more than twice its size when excited?

      Hint: the answer starts with a P …

      Answer: your pupil, of course. Why, what were you thinking? 😛

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  8. I take all the vitamins! Well not ALL of them but I do take D3, B12, Calcium, and an occular vitamin that contains several different vitamins that are supposed to help with old eyes. (My family has a history of glaucoma, macular degeneration, cataracts, etc.) The vitamins probably aren’t doing a darn thing to help with that but it makes me feel better taking them!

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  10. I honestly didn’t know opting out of vitamins was an option as an adult! It seems like every time I visit the doctor, another vitamin is added to my list. I take a multivitamin, vit B, calcium plus vit D, magnesium, and fish oil pills. I’m not-so-secretly hoping I can really just eat nothing but chocolate chip cookies and the supplements will take care of everything else!

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    1. I honestly don’t recall my doctor telling me to take vitamins/supplements…I came to this (addiction) conclusion of my own volition. However, I like how you think about eating all chocolate chip cookies!

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  12. nicoleboyhouse

    I take lots of vitamins! I take an “active women’s” multivitamin, which keeps me motivated to exercise, lol. Also, vitamin D, biotin for hair growth (I think it works), and vegan glucosamine for my old-lady joints.

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  13. LOL Great post.
    I take a Women’s multivitamin, B12, B6, and a D3. All of mine are doctor’s orders except the B6, which I cannot remember my reason for adding it to my Vitamin Regimen. Hmmm.

    Love the stepladder Dad Joke. Smoked meat? Not a fan. 😉

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    1. I think B6 is for brain function, so I’d say it’s working for you.
      I’m not such a big fan of smoked meat either, that is definitely my husband’s department.

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  16. INCOMING!! LOTS OF COMMENTS COMING THROUGH.

    You’re going to be quite busy today. On top of already having a full plate. You didn’t think things through, but that’s fine.:)

    I don’t take vitamins. GASP. I know. For migraines, I only take a Magnesium supplement. I figure I get my vitamins from the food I consume and the water I drink. I’m sure this will change in the future, but for now, I’m just freeballing it when it comes to supplements.

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