A Not So Good Surprise And Wanting To Shank Those Who Share Your DNA

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz

I had the rug-pulled out and the wind taken out of my sails recently, thanks to my first cousins. It’s a very long, complicated story, but they sold my Grandparent’s home without letting me know. They were rightfully the owners because their father, my Uncle, was the last owner of the home as Grandma passed away in 2009. But in my brain, in my heart, it was always our Grandparent’s home. Always. 

Crazy enough, Linds was the one to break the news to me as she is close to, and works with my oldest cousin’s daughter. (the daughter, who I adore, was appalled at her father not contacting me as well)

For them, (my first cousins) this was about money. For me, it was all emotion. 

Suz and G’ma, Suz, Gma, Linds and Lolo

My childhood wasn’t stellar, but when I look back, the time I spent at my Grandparent’s home was always joyous. I had meals prepared for me, was doted upon, and was loved unconditionally. It was my safe haven. 

Grandma’s house is the one place that I visited/stayed at that had no bad memories or reminders of shit-gone-bad.

My dad (he passed in 1993), Suz, Uncle Alan (who passed in 2018) It was a windy Easter morning.

Grandma’s house is near the Miami airport in a lovely little neighborhood; My Uncles’ Widow, Joanie was living there, which was how it was supposed to be. They’d only been married for five years and she was sweet; she would have loved for me to visit again, but I just didn’t. I kept in touch with her by phone and snail mail. (unlike my cousins) I sent her flowers on her birthday and little gifts at Christmas; she knew that I cared about her. She was a bonafide wackadoodle, albeit harmless, but my Uncle loved her, so I checked in on her. 

Grandmas house stood still in time, aside from the updated Kitchen Coach gifted to her around 2001. My grandma’s tchotchkes were still displayed in the same spots. The little terrarium I made for her in elementary school was still sitting in the niche behind the refrigerator wall.

I know. Things are just things. But still sometimes you want to put your hands on sentimental things.

Recently, Joanie had a myriad of physical and mental health issues and went into assisted living. I would have loved to visit the house again and perhaps keep a few of my Grandmother’s things that were forever residing in that 1942 house.

The news hit me harder than I’d expected; I think because it was sudden and of course because my feelings were not accounted for. The Coach assured me that they’re only concerned with money, which I know. Linds was so sweet and offered to go with me to the house and see if anything was still there. (Turns out Joanies nephew was purchasing the house)

The morning I found out, I spouted some cuss words and shed a few hundred tears, but within a few hours, I was ok with it all and had moved onto other matters. I think that’s called personal growth, right?

Anyhoo, I just needed to document this here for later when my cousins ask me for something.

I’m kidding but wouldn’t it be fun if they needed something from me later on?

Thanks for listening. XOXO

35 thoughts on “A Not So Good Surprise And Wanting To Shank Those Who Share Your DNA”

  1. Family. They can twist that knife in your back quickly and quietly. I completely understand your upset. It would have been nice to at least walk through the house and say goodbye…. while stuffing your pockets with memories of course. Sorry you never got that chance.
    💕

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  3. Bijoux

    I’m sorry you are hurting. I think some people just don’t understand the need to say goodbye to a home. Since it was sold to a family member, would you be able to go and take pictures, etc?

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    1. I think if my cousins were female, it might have been a different story. Maybe?

      I don’t know the person who bought it, I mean, I could investigate to figure out who they are precisely, but I belive the deed has been done by now. The house is probably gutted already.

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  4. Oh no. This is rotten. I’m so sorry this happened. I hate it when people are thoughtless, and this was family to boot. Your visits to Grandma’s house sound so lovely and comfortable. I know things weren’t always ideal, but I’m so glad that you had that experience there and I’m sad that you didn’t get to go back and have closure.

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    1. They are uncaring and rotten.
      My memories are all so good there, even when my Grandma wasn’t well near the end, and she eventually passed away in that house. I made many visits there at that time, even if it was an hour and a half each way. She was worth it.

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  5. You must feel like an entire part of your life has been disregarded and invalidated. Like you were edited out of your grandparents’ lives for a check. I’m sorry. It seems thoughtless and uncaring. Whether or not it was personal, I don’t know.

    What I do know is that you still have the most valuable things ever from your grandparents, and that is their love and whatever character their stability and consistency gave you. And the Memories will always be yours, no matter what the number on the check may be.

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    1. You are so right; I was disregarded regarding our grandparents’ house. .
      I honestly believe they might not even have given it a second thought that this might be important to me; they had a different upbringing than me and had different relationships with our grandparents.

      I will always have good memories…well until I can’t remember anything, but by then will I care?

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  8. Pat Birnie

    Oh Suz, this is was so insensitive (and just mean!) of them. I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to walk through and pick up a few sentimental things. I hope he enjoys that kitchen that was gifted by you & coach! I love your last line about why you needed to document this haha. And love your personal growth!

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  11. Oh Suz, I’m so sorry. I get super attached to places (and things) too, and it’s so hard to say goodbye knowingly, let alone when it happens without your knowledge. (I visited my childhood home this past summer, which had been sold and completely renovated, and it was devastating.) I think you get to hold this one over your cousins for a LONG time.

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  12. I have never driven by my grandma’s old house since she sold it and moved into an assisted living facility many years ago. I just think it would break my heart to see the changes somebody else made to a house that will always be hers, even now, long after she passed away.

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  13. I am so sorry, Suz. Unfortunately, other people do not always see the importance in what we do. Your grandma meant everything to you, and the house was the last tangible reminder of her. I am sending you so much love. I hope you can feel it. 😘❤️

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  14. Are you sure we aren’t related? Out of my family, I can only think of a few that I don’t want to shank on the regular. And of those few, a couple still need at least a good slap or two.

    I’m so sorry. I know exactly what you are feeling. Even though the house I grew up in doesn’t exactly evoke warm and fuzzy feelings (usually) it was sold out from under us after my mom died and everything was just gone (Wills, people. Draw up binding wills using a lawyer and everything. Just because you write down your wishes doesn’t mean it will happen). All the picture albums (from happier times) I would give anything to have; a few other little things – all gone. Sending you the biggest of hugs. xo

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  15. Cheryl

    I get how you feel. My grandparents came here from Ukraine in early 1900’s. By 1920, they had a successful, working dairy/fruit/produce farm in NY, Niagara County, not far from the Falls.
    After grampa passed away, Gramma sold, for a song, the farm and land to her oldest son. He joined his farm and that farm together.
    The other children, 5 of them were given a small sum of money.
    That wasn’t the issue.
    It’s all the sentimental items, sewing machine, china cabinet (full of odds and ends), the wind up phonograph with the thick albums that sounded scratchy, the soft as cotton feather beds and pillows that Gramma made by plucking her own chickens.
    Over her piano, she had a large framed picture from her wedding day of the happy couple, and as was the custom, her wedding veil was wrapped around the picture and encased under glass.
    So many memories that are priceless and were never shared. Scattered hither and yon. Hopefully some of my cousins kept some of the more intimate ones. They never offered my Mom an opportunity to peruse and choose.

    Today, the farm and barns all sit crumbling, roofs caved in, squirrels and mice having a field day. Fields overgrown, cows gone, chicken coop sinking into the ground. Sad to see.
    For some people it really is about money.
    At least you have some really wonderful memories, right? I know I do.

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    1. Cheryl that is such a sad family story. I’m sure your Mom is still heartbroken and possibly a little bitter about everything.
      The wedding photo with the veil sounds so interesting; I’ve never heard of something like that.

      One thing I would have loved to do is go through my grandma’s china cabinet. I don’t think she had much ‘fancy’ stuff, but I’m sure there were some one-of-a-kind/unusual pieces that I would have appreciated; my male cousins probably never noticed the cabinet.

      Thank you for chiming in.

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  17. You were robbed, as they used to say. Not literally but emotionally. Family can do that like no one else. As you mentioned it’s all personal growth, but that doesn’t mean it won’t gut you in the process. So sorry

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  19. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I would have been upset too. Your grandmother sounds like a lovely woman. I just learned (in December) that my aunt has sold her house (where I used to visit my grandmother). It’s my aunt’s house to do as she pleases, but it’s the memories of just hanging out with my grandmother that I will cherish the most. I used to love sleeping over and walking down to the corner store for a treat, or to Dairy Queen, or even to the park at the end of the street.

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