Things I ponder, remember and oversay

What will it be like to wear a real bra again?

I’m dreading that because sports bras are now my life and my preference.

Can we ban underwires for eternity? 

***

As I’m writing this there is a set of cardinals frolicking in and around the oak tree outside my office window. Chatting, eating worms. (better not be my butterfly caterpillars!)

One morning, a few weeks ago I was out walking the yard with the dogs while sipping a cup of coffee; the sun had come up and was kind of blinding me as I looked towards the back of our property.

Up in a cypress tree, there was a LOT of chirping and movement; I could see the outline of about 25-30 birds.

Since the sun was in my eyes, at first I couldn’t tell what flavor they were.

IMG_8416
Said tree minus birds and blinding sun because I didn’t have my phone on me.

It took me a minute or two and I realized they were ALL cardinals. A whole conclave of them congregating before they started their day.

swoon

I always have several around the yard, but I’ve never seen this many at once.

You know how people like to say that Cardinals represent your loved ones who’ve passed?

Well, that morning a large portion of my Ancestry DNA was visiting me; the whole fam-damily.

*I looked it up after first writing this today and a group of Cardinals is referred to as a college, conclave, radiance or Vatican; when I first wrote this I referred to them as a SLEW of cardinals. I’m so slewpid.* 

 

***

I refer to my critters as ‘pumpkin’ and ‘pumpkin pie’ way too much.

Max, Callie, newly eclosed butterflies.

My mom used to refer to me as her pumpkin when I was a kid; I never got it.

Apparently, now, I’ve GOT IT.

My other overused love phrases are sweetheart, boo-bear, sugar britches, sweet cheeks,

What phrase do you oversay?

XO

I’m certified and I’m finished.

My gardens are officially certified.
And you thought I was just certifiable.

Notice my Monarch model; he approved the signage.

Bona-fide.
Authorized.
To be prized.
I’m rambling here.

I wish I could ditch the electrical boxes and irrigation stuff off the walls, but electricity and irrigation are essential to me.
Also, this is the side of our house, not the front. The front is prettier. But don’t tell the sides and back; they’ve never met.

I’m sure the signs will lure even more butterflies to my lair.

I really try to keep my posts short and sweet so I don’t lose anyone, but I never know where exactly to stop.

Stop here? 

Maybe stop here?

Nope.more.to.chatter.about

The puzzle is finished.

Can I stop talking about that damn puzzle already? 
No. I can not.

I know, you were probably not sleeping a minute wondering how I was doing with it; it’s finally done and yes, I was missing two pieces. MAX!!

I complained to Linds that it was hard to do because my right arm hurt so much.

Linds: Do it with your left arm.

Why do my children use logic against me?

When I was finished, I wrote a note on the box for my future self or someone else’s future self that two pieces are missing and I sharpied the spots on the box.

If my arm felt better, I’d pat myself on the back for that.

Actually, my arm is feeling a bit better. Thank you all for your wonderful advice; it’s appreciated.
Also, icing it a few times a day has been awesome and something I didn’t think to do before. *duhh*
It’s no picnic being me.

NOW, I’m done.

Kidding.

Does anyone have plans for the weekend?

Suzanne, that was cruel and uncalled for.

Oh, wait.
One more thing.

Our marina has opened back up (with VERY limited contact) so the Coach is excited to get on his boat and go fishing tomorrow. He’s been working a lot and being home with me a lot.
He needs some fun because I can only entertain him so much; that wasn’t a part of our vows.

I DO wish you all a nice weekend doing something you enjoy with people that you can semi-stand being around.
I consider myself fortunate in that way.
I never thought to ask my husband how he felt about it.
Probably just as well…

Bee good
Bee silly
Bee well

XOXO

The one where Easter was in the distance, a puzzle eater and my !&%$ tennis arm

I hope everyone had as pleasant an Easter as possible. Generally, we have the girls here and my FIL and MIL too. 
I spoke to everyone yesterday on the phone, but yeah, it’s not the same. 
I did see Linds on Saturday; I had a little bit of Easter stuff for her and her sister so I met her in front of her building. 
We talked for about 10 minutes but it was so freaking hot so I left. 
No hugs. 
That’s the hardest part for me; we are a touchy-feeling family. 
But not in the perverted way. 
Easter bags in lieu of Easter baskets. 
I spent most of the day on the phone either talking or texting and trying to finish a 750 piece puzzle. If I got paid to complete puzzles, we’d be living in your back yard in a tent. Who wants us? 

Also, Max loves sitting UNDER my chair while I’m puzzling. My boobs sometimes knock pieces on the floor and a few times I found him nibbling them. The pieces, not my boobs. 
I know for sure one piece was nibbled beyond recognition and I’m hoping that’s it. 
But, every time I get into a puzzling quandary, I wonder:
“Am I looking for the nibbled beyond recognition piece right now?”

This was the only puzzle I had in the house made for adults and it’s a challenge for me; further cementing the fact that I might not be an adult. 
Linds went to Target the other day for her supplies and I asked her to look for a puzzle for me and I’d exchange her Easter stuff for the puzzle. 
She said they had TWO in the store and she got me the biggest one; 1000 pieces. 
ME: “I can only do one that is 750 pieces.”
Linds: “Well, just don’t finish it then.”

I don’t know where they get it from. 
I really don’t want to complain because of all that is going on and most people have real, solid problems and health issues. But, my arm is killing me. 
The tennis elbow came back a few weeks ago with a vengeance. 
I have one of the brace thingys that is supposed to help and I’ve been doing some exercises/stretches that I found online, but it’s not helping. Sleeping is a b*tch. 
I even noted to Linds on the phone that I would be willing to try some medicinal Maryjane or even topical Maryjane. It hurts from my fingers to my shoulder and guess what? I use my right arm for everything. 
My left arm/hand? It’s almost useless. It can’t do anything for me. So. there. That’s my complaint and I’ll keep moving on with my great life of not living in a tent in your back yard and being healthy otherwise. 
XOXO

Human behavior is for the dogs & this Gen X’er doesn’t care about titles or mean robots.

This has nothing to do with the current situation of our planet; I refuse to focus on the insanity.

A few weeks ago I was on the phone with Lolo who was still in the D.C area living and going to school. Does anyone remember a few weeks ago when everything was normal?
Anyhoo, we were on the phone and she was walking her husky Mattis. She lives in a very dense/city area and is frequently asked by people if they can pet her dog. {he’s so fluffy!}
I heard a person ask, she replied and then the person said something I hear over and over when someone visits our house and my dogs get excited:

“oh, he/she/it smells my dog on me, that’s why they’re excited.”


Ummmm….I’m pretty sure they’re excited because they ARE dogs.

Humans are so predictable and Mattis is so fluffy.

***

I posted my first Vlog on Saturday. It was off the cuff and not very exciting. I had a lot of people view it, but not as many commented, so I’ll never do that again.

*takes her bouncy ball, leaves the playground and heads home*

Wait, Linds & Lolo watched/read and said it was funny. But Linds also texted me early Sunday morning to let me know that someone left a really nasty & insulting comment; she tried to delete it before I saw it but wasn’t able to. She didn’t want my feelings to be hurt. How freaking sweet is that? 
I’m sure some of you have been the victim of this “Boomer hater” too.
No? He/she went on and on for about four paragraphs how Boomers are ruining the world, how everyone HATES boomers,
Wait, here’s an excerpt:

Do you boomers realize how universally hated you are? There is not one single demographic that does not hate you- white people, black people, asians, mexicans, indians, chinese, millennials, GenX, GenZ. Something tells me that you boomers are not going to have a very comfortable or easy retirement, especially once you end up in the retirement homes.”

Aren’t Chinese people Asian? 
This is the most politically incorrect spam I’ve received.
This week.

I read it and knew at once it was spam crap and I assured her that it didn’t hurt my feelings at all because:

A) I’ll most likely NOT end up in a retirement home because I feel like I might die in a vehicle with the Coach driving long before that.
OR
B) I’ll die being struck by lightning one clear summer day
(Florida!) while out collecting caterpillars.
AND
I’m not a boomer, I’m Gen X.

Not that I really give two squats about those titles.

Also, I should be doing a lot of squats for the sake of my legs.

Take that you slimy robot with no morals and too much time on your hands!! *As I’m squatting*

***

We had a very quiet weekend. I stayed around the house piddling around the garden/yard, doing some laundry, vacuuming out my silverware drawer (it’s a thing now) and watching copious amounts of TV.
The Coach went out on the boat fishing with a friend most of Sunday; the weather has been glorious and it’ll be over and back to 99* in a minute so it’s best to take advantage now.

FYI: As many times as I’ve asked him to bring me a pet dolphin from the Gulf, he refuses.
I want this blog to be evidence of the abuse/neglect I live with.

So, anything new and exciting in your life?
Did you go to a public place and lick the doorknobs? 
The handrails? 

Sharing is caring.
Well, unless its a virus that causes a pan-freakin-demic.

XOXO

The one where the dogs are living their best life, Debbie Downer shows up, Suz learns and most likely we’re all gonna live.

The coach and I might run out of TP, but our dogs will be eating well for the next few weeks.
Their food batch is usually bigger than this, but I could not get my hands on any ground turkey (or any poultry) for the last week; so ground beef, eggs, rice and loads of veggies will suffice.

They congregate in the kitchen ( nor more than four of us, I swear!) for the entire prep, cooking and jarring, just waiting to lick the pans.

She’s finally satisfied, after licking all five pans and then re-licking them just in case.

***
Lindsay’s juice bar officially closed yesterday; she understands, but she’s bummed because working is a great distraction.
Did you know that my girls read my blog? {Hi Linds!}
Sometimes they’ll call me and talk about something I shared on the blog, but not in real life. Such as the recent crazy azz neighbor.

***
I’m sure you haven’t slept a wink wondering what I’ve been up to; get ready to nap.

*Laundry.
*Eating.
*Listening to music.
*Cleaning out some random drawers (did I have to keep every collar of every dog we’ve ever had?)
*Watching more TV than usual; I’m on a run of Property Brothers right now; they have about 79 different shows and I like them all.
*Eating.
*Judging people on the Facebook.
*Trying to keep all my monarch caterpillars alive and fed.
*Eating.
*Pulling weeds in the garden of weeden.
*Exercising. But not enough to put a dent in the bad eating.
*Cleaning
*Laundry (how many people live here?)
*Eating

*Eating==some of that means drinking wine. You’re not new here, you knew that.

***
I was having a conversation with Lolo recently making a comment about human behavior and she suggested that I go into observational humor. {Hi, Lolo!}
I believe she meant as a means to make $.
Then she remembered that is what I have already been doing for my family and I’ll never get paid for it.
In the words of Debbie Downer: whaaa whaaa whaaaa 


***
Would you like to know something that I learned this week that I probably should have learned or known about 40 years ago? 
Do you?
Really? 
It’s kind of silly…..
It’s gonna make me look like the facebook people…

The Coach purchased corned beef this past weekend and said he was going to make pastrami.
Me: Wait, how do you make corned beef into pastrami?
Him: You put it in the smoker and voila!


I always kind of wondered what the difference was between pastrami and corned beef; now I know. It only took 52 1/2 years.
FYI: It was good.
But it’s not good for you.
But also, I would pair it with a white.
Or a red.
Who really cares at this point.

***
They officially closed our beaches yesterday. They most likely wouldn’t have had to do that if there weren’t a bajillion spring breakers congregating IN close PROXIMITY on the beaches.
Ummmm, hello, does anyone understand what social distancing means? 
I do wonder about people, but I don’t want to wonder too much because I’m not getting paid for it.

So, distract me from any impending doom.
What are you up to? Are you vacillating between doom and sunshine? 
I still have a lot of faith in our country. I honestly never thought we’d be in this position right now, but I feel we will be on the other side of this in a few weeks. {Praying on bended knee!}

Share your thoughts.
Maybe I’m a bubblehead. Maybe I’m too optimistic.
Hell, maybe I’m on the wine again.
Sharing is caring.
You too Maddie

Bee a sharer.
Bee a carer.
Don’t be a downer if you can spar-er. (hey, it rhymed!)

XO

On the mend and the one where we finally got an answer




I spent so much time on my back over the past week, you’d have thought I was getting paid.
*Straining my neck to see if I have bed sores.*

I started watching the series Outlander while home with the flu. I’d read the first book years ago, then forgot about the whole thing. WOW. (the first season has 16 episodes-unheard of!)
I know it’s far fetched and not exactly great fiction, but WOW.
One morning, I awoke to an email from Netflix reminding me that the next episode of Outlander was available….don’t they know I haven’t stopped thinking about that since I went to sleep yesterday?
SO much violence, sex, and sex-violence, I can really only handle a few episodes at a time in my delicate state of mind. *giggle*

I still sound like I’ve got a pack and a half of Marlboro red a-day habit. That’s attractive.

I still have moments where I feel like crapola. And a few moments where I feel ok. I’ve still not got back to the gym for fear of a coughing fit and plus, low energy. 
Next year, (or is that this year?) I’ll be the first in line for the flu shot.

My Aunt texted me the other day asking if I was feeling any better and stating that it was a good thing I got the flu prior to our upcoming trip to CA.

Me: Yes, I’m getting better. And yes, luckily for me, this was the best time to get the flu; aside from Callie being sick too, I didn’t have anything pressing this week. 
She applauded me for having a good attitude. I do like to be applauded even if it’s via text.

***

The Callie saga. I didn’t go into details before because her symptoms were all over the place and they made no sense. If you are a dog person and care to see what the deal was read the next long part of this post. If you don’t have a dog and have no need to know, skip this part.
*On Saturday night I’d noticed that she was drinking a lot of water. I caught her standing over her bowl and then just staring at the wall. I had flashbacks of Ozzie; he did this often and then we learned he had a brain tumor and staring at walls was an indication of brain issues. (headaches)
She was fine the next day and I didn’t give it another thought.

*Tuesday, the day that my Flu was in full force, Callie amped up her weirdness for me. She didn’t eat breakfast. (eating is her favorite thing) She was drinking copious amounts of water. Then I noticed she was shivering/shaking. I was concerned. The Coach was in Miami but would be back later that night and I assumed he could take her to the emergency vet to see what was going on. But then I noticed that while laying on the tile floor, she had urine leaking out of her; almost faucet like. I called my vet and they were able to get me into their sister location that afternoon. Nothing like being very sick and having to pick up a sick 68lb dog and putting her into the back of my SUV.


*We were at the vet for almost 2 hours. The Dr. ran blood tests even though she had bloodwork done the week prior for her Rymidyl RX refill. (a common Arthritis anti-inflammatory) The bloodwork today is coming out totally different than last week and the DR. is very confused. Her blood sugar is scarily low and he can’t figure out how she is still LIVING with her blood sugar so low. He tested her urine and was shocked at how ‘watered’ down it was.


*The Vet wanted to run some glucose type tests the next day and asked us to please get her to eat that night. She needs to raise her sugar levels or else.


*Wednesday she was able to eat breakfast but had been leaking watered down urine all over the house all night. I had towels on top of every one of her beds and kept swapping them out.And I awoke twice in the middle of the night and took her out.  Coach dropped her off for the new tests in the morning and would pick her back up later in the day. When he picked her up, she seemed ok. They left the iv/catheter in her leg (first I typed arm, she doesn’t have an arm) in case we had an emergency during the night. They said her sugar levels were even worse today and that was after eating breakfast. They did an ultrasound but didn’t see anything ‘alarming’ on her kidneys or in her belly. They instructed us to bring her back the next day to check sugar again and remove the iv/catheter. We started giving her some Prednisone (steroid).


*Thursday the Coach took her for sugar testing and removing of IV. Her sugar reading was still bad; 70. But better than the 41 it was on Wednesday. The Dr. is throwing out some ideas of what she might have gotten into.

1) Did she get into any medicinal marijuana? Ummm NO.
2) Any chance she ate some sugarfree gum that has xylitol in it? This is lethal to dogs. I’m a big fan of sugarfree gum, but I don’t leave it lying around and I haven’t had gum in the six weeks since I got my Invisalign. Also, Callie isn’t the dog who gets into stuff; she never has been.  

*Friday, her cortisol tests came back normal. Still waiting to hear how her insulin levels were that they tested on Wednesday. We’re both wondering if the Dr. knows what he’s doing as it’s taking forever for us to get an answer. The urine leaking is slowing down, she’s eating better and we’re basically feeding her small amounts all day long to keep sugar levels up. Just a few weeks ago, I was chastised about her weight and told to cut her food down….now, it’s anything goes.


*Saturday, the Coach woke up to several small piles of bile/vomit around the house. Suz was in a flu coma and heard nothing. Callie finally had an appetite later in the day and seemed ok.


*Sunday, she acted normal. No pee leaks. No vomit. YAY!


*Monday-we finally got a call from the Vet at 7:30pm. He has a diagnosis and it was something he mentioned in passing earlier last week. They did see something on the ultrasound on her pancreas; a small node of sorts and they think what she has is an Insulinoma. An insulinoma is a malignant pancreatic tumor that inappropriately secretes excessive insulin, resulting in profound hypoglycemia.”

So. having an answer is so much better than the unknown. He was happy to know that she was now eating and not leaking as much urine. We will continue on this path until she isn’t happy anymore. He realistically said she could have another 2 weeks or another 6 months. And at 13, we’re not going to do anything invasive whatsoever. 

*sigh* 

We have several trips planned, so I’ll be losing sleep worrying about the ‘what ifs’ while we’re away. 


On a funny side-note; when Callie was at the vet’s office most of Wednesday, they noted to the Coach that she ‘looks so sad’ so she must not feel well. 


Ummm actually, that is JUST HER FACE. She always looks like that. You’ve heard of resting bitch face? Callie has ‘resting sad face’.  My poor sweet cow dog. 
She’s hasn’t had the most ideal life, but since living with us the past 4 1/2 years, it’s been all gravy. 

I promise I have good things to write about. I feel like Debbie downer lately on the blog, but hopefully, I’ll be shooting sunshine and rainbows out of my butt (ouch) again soon. 


XOXO

Flu, I’ve got you Flu.

We had a very busy and awesome weekend. I hugged, loved and was dazzled by around 185 guests at the Night To Shine event on Friday night. (this was my 3rd year volunteering) I, along with some good friends greeted each guest and got them into Limo’s for a ride around the church parking lot, then to the event center where they were greeted like royalty on the red carpet.
I ended the night with what I would call a stress headache; maybe I was a bit overwhelmed with all the excitement, the hoopla, the cheerleaders bouncing around, the noise from the happy guests….or maybe I’m just getting old?
When I woke up on Saturday the headache was still there and I was exhausted. I made a comment to the coach that maybe I’m on the spectrum because it just seemed to be too much for me this year. (There are a LOT of guests on the spectrum, and I do believe they were in better shape than me. And no, I’m not poking fun at people with disabilities, you know better.)

Sunday night I started coughing and whipped up some hot tea.
Monday morning I awoke feeling like the dead.
Achy body. Chills. coughing. my joints were on fire.
Ugghhh.
I knew it was the flu because I have that fake doctor’s degree.
I spent the day in bed.
Finally, at around 4:00 on Monday afternoon, I remembered that there was an antiviral that you could take to ward off the effects.
I call our Doctor’s office and left a voicemail. (they haven’t answered the phone in 5 years-very annoying)
On Tuesday morning I was anxiously awaiting their call as the Coach was leaving for Miami for the day; I’d been hoping he could just pick up the RX for me.
They didn’t call back until noon and told me that they no longer take our insurance anymore and I’d have to come in and be seen in person and pay. ;(
Eff it.
My window was closing in because you’re supposed to take the antiviral 48 hours or sooner once you know it’s the flu.
“I’ll just suffer through, I’m a big girl”
Well, Tuesday night the ‘razor blades’ in my throat coughing was endless all night. If only I could get the cough to settle down, then I won’t feel like throwing myself off a bridge.
Heck, I don’t even know where a bridge is in my town.
Wednesday I crawled into the walk-in clinic and waiting over an hour to be seen.
They did the Flu test and guess what? I got 100%!

The kind Doctor told me that I was too late for the antiviral and to take Mucinex DM and Tylenol.
I really should have been a Doctor.

I asked him if I had got the flu vaccine if I could have avoided this and he shrugged his shoulders and said: maybe, maybe not. You never know. 
The one time I had the vaccine, I was extremely sick with the flu and I vowed to never do it again.

I still feel like hell, but I know I’m gonna live.

In the middle of all this, Callie has been having issues and I had to take her to the Vet (with the flu, but I wasn’t officially diagnosed. The coach was out of town and it was up to me)
She’s back at the vet again today for testing and I could not be a veterinarian, because I have no idea what is going on with her.

The Vet did ask the Coach when he dropped her off this time if she had got into any ‘edibles’ in our house. (we don’t, but that doesn’t stop her from looking like she’s had some edibles)
Good lord, if I had those, I probably wouldn’t care about having the flu.
Say a good word for our Cow dog if you can.

Also, an unseen (until the day I had the flu) water leak into one of the bedrooms…..I found wet carpet and a moldy (behind the dresser) wall. That’s probably good for the ole’ respiratory system.
Waiting on the plumber now. I’ll keep my distance from him, but I need that fixed asap.

If Suz, her Callie, and her house could just calm the eff down, that would be great.

XOXO