The one where I visit a Doctor in a closet and I need a tongue transplant.

So, I broke down and finally went to the Dr. yesterday. I really didn’t want it to get to that point because, and I hope I’m not telling you something you don’t know, but all the sick people are at the Doctors office.

My regular Dr stopped taking our insurance, so right now I really don’t have a regular.
But I am regular in contrast to the lady I will meet up with in line at CVS.

My friend told me about the Minute Clinic. Have you heard of these? Just a little closet office inside CVS and you’re seen by a nurse practitioner. I mean, I wouldn’t go there if I fell off the roof while pressure washing and had a bone jutting out of my skin, but for my issue it was sufficient.

I was sure I had a sinus infection and of course, I was right. Sadly, they wouldn’t pay ME for the diagnosis, I still had to pay THEM. ‘Merica
Anyhoo, I’m on antibiotics, some saline spray, and Flonase. I’m certain I’ll be feeling like my normal sassy self in a hot minute.

The day before I had a bunch of errands to run starting with picking up a package at UPS, then Target.
I went into the UPS place and the lady fetched my package for me. Then I had to sign paperwork and this entire time, I needed to cough. I was holding in my cough. Kind of like holding your pee, but you know in my throat.
Finally, package in hand, papers signed and I almost made it to the door when my body wouldn’t hold in the cough one more second.

*COUGH*

I’m not kidding when I say a lady 4 feet behind me let out a gasp so big, that I know tons of old UPS germs made a beeline for her respiratory system.
Calm down, people.

After I didn’t infect the patrons of the UPS store, I headed to Target for my typical shopping run that I do every 10-14 days. On my list were some various items and apparently a hot ticket item.
No, it wasn’t for Tickle Me Elmo.

*cue the dramatic background music*
               
              TOILET PAPER

Do you think they had any TP at Target? 

Nope. Nada.
Not a square to spare.

I sent a family text complaining about the toilet paper and Linds let on that she is always stocked up and she would share, but only a square.
My people.

The next day after my visit with the minute clinic Dr inside the CVS closet, I purchased a six-pack of bud toilet paper like a normal human.
There was a lady behind me that had at least 48 rolls of TP.
My tongue was bleeding from me biting it because I wanted to ask if she needed a referral to a gastro specialist or did she want me to help her find the Imodium to assist with her apparent issue,
but on this day apparently, I had self-control.
Having self-control really takes a bite out of my fun.

I’m still very confused by it all and it’s the last thing I would think of hoarding. 
Food? Sure.
Medicine? Yeah.
Wine? Absofreakinglutely.
Toilet paper? Not even on my radar.

If anyone could clarify, please let me know.

Bueller?  Bueller? 

Last night as I was almost finished with dinner (the chores!)
I said to the Coach, can I still have ice cream if I don’t finish my chicken? (I told you I’m 12)
Oh, nevermind, we don’t have any ice cream.
His response: I’ll take you out for ice cream, but you have to stay in the car so you don’t scare anyone.
My people.  

I decided I didn’t really want ice cream, although the prospect of having it delivered to the car was appealing.

I already shared two nonsensical posts this week and I was thinking that was enough, but this one’s for you, Kari.
*holds bud light up in the air*
Wait, I don’t drink beer.

Wishing everyone a healthy weekend doing something fun and by fun, I don’t mean hoarding paper products.

Bee sweet.
Bee healthy.
Bee a good human.
Damnit.

XOXO

Stand up and look at those car tattoos.

It might sound like I’m whining about nonsense because I am. 
I know that in life we all get to make our own choices on how we live/act/handle/project/do life but really, it would be so much better if everyone did as I do.      *giggle giggle*

Example #753
Car tattoos.
Why?


And why the heck so many? Is this a ploy to distract me, because it really worked. Congratulations.

Like I told my girls eleventy thousand times, that’s gonna leave a mark. 
Years ago I recall having a very lengthy conversation while traveling in the car with the Coach and both our girls about bumper stickers. 
None of us comprehend the concept. But then again, we might be weird. 
I might have been the only Mom who didn’t put the “My child is an honor student” sticker on her white suburban back in the day even though we know my girls were (unlike their Mom) honor students. 



And since I’m ranting and raving. 
Wait, that was just one rant OR one rave? 


When you see someone slouched over, don’t you want to run over and push their back IN and their shoulders back?
{Did you just straighten up?}
Let’s be real though, I’m not running anywhere, but I’ve contemplated it just because it gets on my nerves and it hurts my back to see this. 
On occasion, after a few hours at my computer,  I’ve found myself hunched over before and I actually leave my body and see myself from across the room and wow-that looks so uncomfortable Suzanne! 
Straighten up and get your act together woman. Also, I should not leave my body so often in case I get lost out there.  

Now that I got all that off my back (!!) I feel a bit better. 
You know I’m just pulling your leg hairs…I’m really a ray of freaking sunshine. 

Any grievances you’d care to share with the class? 
Wishing everyone a great weekend doing something fun while having the best posture ever. 
XOXO

Ingesting the good herbs {I rue the day!}

I’m sure you remember a few weeks ago when I found my first swallowtail caterpillars on my overgrown fennel. I mean, what else could you have been thinking about all this time?
Well, I raised and released about 8-10 of those beauties. They’re so different from monarchs; very unpredictable. My Monarchs, in chrysalis form, cook for only 9-10 days.


Eastern black swallowtail chrysalis-they look like mini alligators, because Florida. They create their own ‘girdle/sling’ that holds them at a desired angle. Nature is cra-cra!

Some of the swallowtails took 10-20 days to become butterflies, but I still have several in chrysalis form.
They could be like that for over a year.
A YEAR. 
I’d never heard of such a thing. They come out when they want….like they have NO schedule whatsoever.
Just willy nilly with this beginning of life thing.
As if I have nothing else to do but wait around for them. I have THINGS to do.
I liken it to those 35-year-olds living with Mom and playing Xbox for a living.
Grow up and get out there.

Anyhoo, I wasn’t finding many more swallowtail cats on my fennel, so I ran to my local nursery (not Lowes or HD because they use pesticides on ALL plants, even herbs and for that I hate them) to get some parsley, dill, and rue. Swallowtails love those herbs. They might like the Mary Jane herb too, but I’m not going there.
I’m still flying my Blue Line flag in the front yard y’all, as well as obeying the law.
Well, most laws. Is it against the law to floss your teeth while driving? Asking for a friend.
Wait, what was I saying?
Oh-I found a few nice parsley plants and rue. Honestly, who uses rue? I’ve never had anything with rue in it in my life, but I bought the cute little plant to attract some beauties. And also, now I can pick up the plant and spout out: I RUE THE DAY I MET YOU!
I really wish I’d been offered drama class in high school.

The plants sat on my garage counter for a few days before I took them outside. I don’t even bother putting these types of things in the ground now as the caterpillars will eat them so quickly and then I put the devoured potted plants (mostly milkweed) that are down to the nubs on the screened lanai so they can recover and swap them out again. It’s a whole song and dance with me, which is how I get most of my cardio.
So when I went to deposit these newest plants outside, I realized they already had eggs and some larvae on them. I got a two-fer. They came with swallowtail caterpillars and I didn’t have to wait for the Mama Swallowtail to come to lay eggs; I had a head start.
WINNING.

This baby is probably 5-6 days old here. 

And then it happened. I had a realization. I get them every once in a while.
My jaw dropped when I put it all together.

I bought a parsley plant that had butterfly babies on it.
How many times in our lives have we eaten dill, parsley and (one of you) rue and we (you, me, JoeBob and BettyLou) have unknowingly eaten an egg or caterpillar? How many times do you think?

I’m thinking at least 43 times.

I know for sure I’ve felt butterflies in my belly THAT many times and now it alllll makes sense. 
How about you? Butterflies in your belly? Beuller? Beuller?  It’s all the rue, boo. 


XOXO

I’m a good one.

I like to update my chalkboard plate seasonally during the year.
I found this quote {Abraham Lincoln gets the credit} the other day and I found it to be fitting with where my brain has been lately.

I had a friend in the past who was all about her career; which isn’t bad, but she occasionally tried to make me feel inferior because I chose a different path.  I know, I know, someone can’t “make you feel” a certain way, but you know what I mean; the ‘digs’.
And no, we are not friends any longer, turns out she was a fraud in most aspects of her life.

BUT, there have been times in my life that I did feel ‘less than’ because I didn’t have a college degree or a fabulous career. Beauty school was where I landed and mostly out of convenience; my friend who lived with my dad and I had a car and was going to beauty school after High school and I had no vehicle or college options. College wasn’t even discussed in my home. Ever.

But, I did always know I wanted to have a family and to be a Mom.
And I think I did that pretty darn well. The Coach and I raised two amazing humans.
I remember when the girls started school and friends/family would ask if I were going back to work.
I thought I would.
Turns out, my time was best served at home and volunteering; PTA, Girl Scouts, etc. And it still is.
The best part is the Coach supports whatever I want to do and he likes that I’m able to take care of all the stuff he would have to do if we were both working full time.
House stuff. Bills. Gardening. Shopping. Errands. Critter care. Etc….

So, at almost 52 I finally feel confident that I’m the best version of myself doing what I enjoy.
I’m a good homemaker.
I’m a good wife.
I’m a good Mom.
I’m a good friend.
I’m a good human.
I’m a good nature lover.
I’m a good butterfly raiser.
I’m a good daughter.

Honestly, I could replace good, with GREAT. But I don’t want to dis ol’ Abe.

I’m pretty sure most people at some point struggle with life choices. It’s human nature.

Anyhoo. Thanks for listening.

XOXO

Bee happy
Bee a good human
Bee content

The Bookface

I officially want to change LOL to LSH.

My favorite sport is to Laugh SO Hard, so there you go.

And here is where I have a little venting session:

I used to love Facebook. It brought me some joy, some smiles and some LSH’ing.
Lately, though, it only brings me AF (annoyed face),  BF (bored face)  and RABF (really annoyed bored face).

It’s bothered me so much, that I finally deleted it off of my smartphone….and suddenly, my smartphone became much smarter.

No more notifications of someone updating their status (A) or someone adding a photo (B).

Because A) The status update is one of a few things.
               1) It’s the sharing of an OLD status update. (memories)
               2) It’s them sharing a picture/photo/meme that isn’t actually theirs either.

In other words: nothing is being posted that is actually original, new or fresh.

Because B) Their update is actually a photo/meme/article stating…..

               1)  PRO gun control.
               2) ANTI gun control.
               3) A recipe for crack chicken. Or some other meal.

I recall when I enjoyed opening up my FB and seeing my friends posting cute pictures of their kids, grandkids, a new garden, or a miniature donkey doing flips on the trampoline in their backyard.

Nope. Gone. No more fun to see here.

So, when I started becoming more annoyed than joyed, I started to limit myself.

Guess what. I only check it on occasion when I’m on my laptop and I usually have a lot of built up notifications. (35 or more?)

And guess what else, people are still annoying me a little bit, but it’s my own fault for checking it at all.
And then I dig deep inside myself and I wonder, is it THEM, or is it ME? Maybe I’m just easily annoyed lately?
Damn whoremoans.   
Maybe I’m the ISSUE?

I really need to LSH, so apparently, I need some time with my girls and luckily, I’ll see them both on Easter.

Have a great day and I hope you get to LSH and not get all AF or RABF.

XOXO

TGIF~Hitting the big 30 and seeing my not-so-secret boyfriend.

Tomorrow,  August 1st marks a momentous date in history; my history, Coach’s history, your history. The worlds history.
Ok, maybe not the ENTIRE world, but most of it. 
It was 30 years ago tomorrow that I was asked (kinda last minute) to join some friends for a Robert Plant concert; one guy had an extra ticket and no date.
Me? “Sure”
I figured if he was a dud, I had two girlfriends with me. 
When the carload of peeps picked me up I realized that I’ve seen this guy a few times, but didn’t know his name. Actually, I’d been to a party at his apartment….but still didn’t know his name until now.
What can I say, it was the 80’s, I was a mere 17 it didn’t always pay for me to pay attention. 
We had a great time; I recall the entire drive back home we were liplocked. 
Hey, I’m not easy, but I like kissing!

The rest is history people. A dud he was NOT. 
Now, had this happened this day in age, there would be photographic evidence of the date. 
BUT, we don’t actually have a photo of us together until Halloween. 
Halloween 1985
Our first actual photo and I look like a hooker. Oh well, he forgot to put on a shirt, so we’re a match made in heaven. 
It only took me a few minutes to realize that he was nothing like the toads I’d previously locked lips with. 
I might have dressed like a hooker, but I was smart enough to know a good guy when I saw one. 
***
It’s no secret that I also share my heart with Dave Matthews. 
Of course, Dave Matthews does not know this, but the Coach does. He’s always been supportive of my secret relationship with Dave and even encourages us to see each other once a year. I know. He’s a fantastic husband. So, this Saturday, on the anniversary of our first date, we’re having a little rendezvous with Dave. Just don’t tell Dave’s wife.  
Truth be told, he’s nothing compared to my Coach. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings after all the years that we’ve been secretly NOT dating each other. 
I’m sure you’re wondering if I’ve ever locked lips with Dave.
Well, honestly NO.
There’s this little obstacle called a RESTRAINING order. 
Anyhoo….who can deny that the Coach and I go together like peanut butter and jelly, rice and beans, like fine wine and smelly cheese, like pork chops and applesauce. 
I could go on and on….but you get the gist of this.
April 2015. My Mom’s favorite photo of the two of us. 
Wishing you all a fabulous weekend with those who you love; whether they know it yet or not. 
XOXO

Frothing and my very close encounter with a laser.

We’ve lots of pricey items that we’ve coveted, needed, loved in our life. 
But this inexpensive item is one of my daily favorites now; our $7.95 milk frother.
Why didn’t all of you tell me that I needed this before? 

Why hold out on me? I thought we were friends. 

The Coach and I are trying to limit our dairy and sugar; frothing a little bit of low fat milk makes it seem like MORE milk; and it’s magical in my coffee. 
Oh, how I love my morning cup of joe.

***

I had some work done last week. You know I’m pretty forthcoming with my vanity issues. Some of this work was for medical reasons, some was for vanity. 
 The Coach thinks I’m crazy, but he knew what he was getting into way back in 1985 when I had my lip gloss collection organized by flavor and season. 
I had my varicose (veryclose) veins treated; I had some large ones on my left leg that were actually hindering circulation. I know. I felt as though I was moving at half speed. HA.
 That contraption on the stove? I’ll have to blog about that one day….one of Coach’s $$ kitchen gadgets. It looks a bit obscene to me. 

I opted to have the extra large veins on my hands done at the same time. That’s the vanity part. I’m glad I did. I had the hands of an 80 year old woman. I’m not exaggerating. I never exaggerate.

Ok, well I did one time, but that might be an exaggeration.
I had my spider veins treated back in 2010.  There was some improvement, but they came back. This newer treatment is more invasive; will hopefully keep the larger/varicose veins at bay.
 They poke a hole in the vein, then shove a tubelike laser inside and blast them.
You’ll notice I’m not a licensed Dr. with that type of verbiage.

I don’t want to point fingers, but my Mom had more visible veins on her legs than any human on the planet. This is hereditary; just like our shining personalities.

I won’t share the photos of my hands yet because I’m still bruised; but I can already see improvement. I believe I’ll have the hands of a 60year soon; which is ok, since I’m almost 48. I call that progress. 
I’m going with the old fashioned (Advanced Surface Ablation ) laser surgery as opposed to the lasik flavor. 
The Dr. thought that would be better for my situation; my eyes are dry people.
This procedure will require a bit more of a recovery time. A few days as opposed to an actual day. My vision should be fabulous within a week or two.

I’m really hoping that this laser surgery will give me the super powers to start fires with my eyes. That would come in handy when I encounter A-holes. 
I’m kidding. I won’t actually burn people with my eyes. 
Or will I?
Have a great weekend my friends!