The one where I earn my Ph.D. in all things Pelican.

The Coach and I went out on the boat this past weekend; the upside is it was a gorgeous day, the downside was it was as hot as hell and the water was a bit rough; it was a wear ‘two sports bras’ kind of boating trip but I was unprepared and was wearing a standard bathing suit. Am I complaining about being on the boat on a beautiful day? It certainly sounds like it.

I’m not always the most observant person, but I noticed a ton of pelicans on Saturday. I mean, we always have pelicans, but it seemed like a seriously LARGE amount everywhere we went. Is there a pelican season? Are they Gremlins?

They were all over the docks, waterways, signs, sea walls, and even IN the water. Did you know they can float? Professional floaters is what they are.

Max, who thinks he’s a badass, usually bows up and starts barking at random dogs, garbage trucks, bicycles, and recently a guy in a wheelchair who wanted to say hi to him. He started to act like he had a pair when he saw a pelican at the dock but then hid behind us when it moved. Little shit.

Seeing all of these large pelicans, spurred my intrigue: Why don’t you ever see baby pelicans? I pondered this thought with the Coach and he thought that possibly, they aren’t much smaller than adults when born and maybe we just don’t see the difference. Goodness, that was a terrible answer; clearly, he is NOT a pelican specialist.

I checked with ye ole’ google machine:

Something unusual about our populations of coastal pelicans is that baby pelicans are never seen. This is because pelicans nest far away in inland or remote locations in large breeding colonies

And then I found some pictures of baby pelicans, who are obviously much smaller when born since they come out of an egg. I’m directing this at you Coach…

Found this pic on Reddit, can not locate who the pic belongs to. Sorry if I stole your pic.

Have you ever seen anything as cute as that?

*gag, winch, twitch, winch, gag*

Good lord, I can’t even write a lie without winching; that image will haunt my dreams forever.

That might possibly be the most unattractive creature that God put on the earth. What was he thinking?

Do you know that the species name is Pelecanus? Yes, there is an anus at the end of pelican, now I’m starting to get the whole picture.

A group of pelicans is called a pod. Actually, there are many other names for pelican groupings — a pouch, a scoop, a squadron or if they are fishing as a group, a fleet.

Then in my research, (which by the way I am NOT getting paid for, so if you learn anything from my blog, please thank me in the comments. It’s the least you can do) I found this meme that someone made. I laughed SO hard.

I shared it with my family and my typically very intelligent husband looked at me seriously and asked what IS a testicle swan and is that a real thing?

Good lawd, I just LOL’ed while writing this with tears streaming down my face.

Testicle swan; that should bring some interesting search inquiries my way.

I generally post on Monday mornings, but I’m gonna send this out into the world on Sunday because as things go around here, ya’ll won’t see it until Tuesday. Damn internet, what’s it good for? Scary pictures of baby pelicans, that’s what.


I hope I don’t regret not having a title for this mess.

It’s come to my attention that I have a lot of feelings.

Good ones.
Sad ones.
Really, really bad ones.

Just kidding about the bad ones, but I do love a sing-song rhyme.

Also, spell check always tells me that I don’t’ know how to spell rhyme.

People always say to live your life without regret.
Who are these people and why should we listen to them?

{not my tattoo nor my decolletage}

How does one live without regret? Like, NOT one regret? 
I’m not buying what they’re selling.

My regrets; I have a few.

I regret being an anal-retentive Mother when my girls were little. I know exactly *why I was like that 
and I don’t believe they are scarred, but still, I could have been a ‘lighter’ person.

I regret some of the times I didn’t answer the phone when my Mom called me.

I regret all the times I stressed over buying and wearing a bathing suit. From the time I was 15 until now; I stressed whether I was 95lbs or 140lbs.

I regret not wearing sunscreen on my decolletage during my teen years.

Upcoming evidence of feelings all over the place.

This song was on my mind the other day.
When my Mom was in hospice we played some music for her.
Me: Oh, she loves this song (she really did) so I started playing it. 

After a minute or so, my Aunt Trisha said: Yeah, she likes that song, but she really loves this one.

My Mom was heavily sedated and hadn’t communicated in hours, but she twitched when this song came on. I know she was trying to dance.

When I was a kid and she would dance/drive in the car at hearing a good song…Why did that mortify me? 
Dance/driving is the best.

I don’t regret dropping everything and spending copious amounts of time with my Mom in ATL when she was sick.

I don’t regret a single day of actually being a Mom or a Wife. (I capitalized on those as they are both positions that I take seriously.)

I don’t regret knowing the word decolletage; it’s an interesting word.

I might regret hitting publish on this post.


Goldilocks and the new office

I started this post a few weeks ago when we were living our ordinarily boring days. *sigh* 

We converted the girls’ playroom to Coach’s home office.
It’s all finished aside from a desktop and printer.

I guess that means, it’s not 100% finished. I’m a liar. 

I ordered the desk, file cabinet (behind desk) rug and a desk chair from Pottery Barn when they were having a spectacular sale. I was hesitant to even order the chair because it seemed so expensive to me,  but it looked really timeless and comfortable.

Some of the items were taking forever to come in and then I found out that the chair was going to EVEN more delayed.
Finally, I came to my senses, called and canceled the overpriced chair.

Later, the next day I was at Office Depot picking up some printing and I saw some great chairs there. I almost purchased one for him; then I decided I’d let him choose his own chair. 
See, I’m nice. 

The chairs at OD ranged from $200-$400. Much better prices than PB.

I finagled him to go to Office Depot one evening to shop and he poo-pooed every chair he sat in.
Too small.
Too hard.
Too ugly.

Finally, I asked him where he purchased the office chair that he has in his actual office.

“I ordered it online from Costco about 10 years ago.”

Really now.

It goes to show you, we all probably do better with fewer choices in life; that could be a positive spin regarding prison or arranged marriages.

A few weeks later we were in Costco and they had two desk chairs to chose from.
Goldilocks Coach tried them both; and decided that the more inexpensive one was the most comfortable.

Y’all it was $99.

We have too many choices in life and it can make it harder. Right? 

Like right now, I’d take ONE PLY generic TP given the chance.

Oh, and we still have all the kid’s books, toys, and games in the office if the Coach needs to take a break from running our empire company.

So, is anyone making any changes at home? 

Well, aside from rationing paper goods and hiding from sick people?