Always remember the Lilies {or not}

This post was originally shared in 2011, but it’s fitting for the Easter season and it’s fitting to remember what a character my Grandma was. 

Does any flower scream Easter like the Lily?
Well, for me, there is none other.

As a child, going to church with Grandma I vividly remember the Easter lilies all lined up near the pulpit.

I remember reading through the church bulletin during the Easter service about WHO the lilies were for as they were all purchased in memoriam for someone.

I remember seeing that Grandma purchased one for my Grandpa after he died.
I would look towards the pulpit…wondering which one was ‘his’.

Years later, I would read that there was a lily placed in my Brother’s name.

And two Easters later, my Dad was added to the Easter Lilly collection.

Sadly, our family was filling up the lily section.

Cut to a few years ago when Grandma was still alive and in her mid 90’s; she could no longer get to church for any services.

So Easter morning, the coach and I with the girls loaded up our car and made the hour & forty-minute trek to Grandma’s house in Miami to celebrate Easter.

I had the biggest, whitest lily in the back of the car for Grandma.

When we arrived, she was happy to see us all. She was always happy to see us.

When I handed her the big ole’ white lily…she looked at it, she then looked at me.

I said: Isn’t it beautiful?

Grandma: Lilies always remind me of funerals. And they stink. I don’t care for them. 

Good lord; I should have known.
 great grandma[5]

That woman could not filter her thoughts whatsoever.
So now, whenever I see a lily…I remember HER.

And then my thoughts roam to stinky funerals; then back to her and her unfiltered funny as heck self.

Do you remember when she called me a PERVERT?  Gosh, what are the chances of anyone ever calling me that again?

Wishing everyone a nice Easter wherever you are and with whoever you’re with.

XOXO

Gravel Gertie and other lies

The other night while cooking dinner, (the chores!) the TV was tuned to the USA channel and Chrisley Knows Best was on; from out of nowhere I heard Todd say to one of his kids:
“C’mon Gravel Gertie.”
I stopped what I was doing and said to the dogs who were watching my every move:

WHAT the Franklin D. Roosevelt did he SAY?


This was a phrase my Grandma used to say to me often as a kid and I remember asking her What is a Gravel Gertie?
She explained to me that Gertie was a lady she used to see when she was a kid; Gravel Gertie was homeless and was always a mess, having spent her life in the gravel on the side of the road.
I assumed the ladies’ name was Gertie and that there was only ONE Gravel Gertie. 
Was I related to the Chrisleys? Do they know my Grandma too?

After researching, it turns out, she was a character in a Dick Tracey story.
Todd Chrisley blew my childhood memories away because I thought {for 52 years} that Gertie was someone my G’ma knew personally.

{I know the Chrisley show is dumb  & contrived, but that’s what’s need when slaving in the kitchen}

Now, I’m wondering what other lies my Grandma told me that I’ve been believing for all my days.
I mean, she proudly fed me cigarettes for breakfast. 
Will my face stay like that? 
Will I blow bubbles out of my butt from swallowing gum? 
Is that mole on the back of my neck really my sweet spot? 

Surely, she wasn’t lying when she told me I was her favorite, I mean, that’s pretty easy to believe.

Me and my lying Grandma at her 90th birthday party. 

Well, shucks. I do miss her terribly; she was always so happy to see me. And she was my favorite. She lived until the ripe old age of 96 being healthy until the last few months of her life. Her birthday is this week; March 4th and she would be 107; which would really piss her off. She used to tell me that people should NOT live ‘this long’ and it’s terrible when everyone you know is dead.
Also, she had no filter.

Has anyone else heard of Gravel Gertie? 

The family is dwindling

This past weekend my Uncle Alan passed away; he was my Dad’s younger (and only) sibling. He’s always been pretty special to me.
He was essentially the caretaker of my G’ma ever since I can remember….even when she really didn’t need a caretaker, but she liked having someone in the house with her. He was always kind, sweet, pleasant and goofy. You know the type; never had a bad thing to say about anyone or anything, but could tell fart jokes on the hour.

 He was an amazing bowler and honestly, he lived such a simple life. He played on many leagues and was in the newspaper countless times for his ‘perfect’ games. He worked in a grocery store, bowled, attened chuch, loved his kids and grandkids and enjoyed watching sports. No internet. No cell phone. No drama.

He loved to pick on me, especially about all the silly things I did as a kid. Which I really only did one or two things as I was nearly perfect.

Suz and Uncle Alan circa late 80’s. 

 Some of my longtime readers may recall that he got married almost 5 years ago to his Junior High sweetheart. Wait, does anyone still read my blog? Anyhoo….my heart breaks for his widow.

My Dad, Suz, and sweet Uncle Alan. Going to church circa 80’s.

He was the last of my Dad’s family for that generation. My uncle has two sons, my cousins that are a bit younger than I am. But, I’m getting this weird feeling that a huge part of my family history is gone now.

Of course, the first person I wanted to call after I found out after he’d passed was my Mom.
*damn*

He was still living in the house that he grew up in, the same house (Miami) that I spent countless summers at with my Grandparents. Those were some of the best moments of my childhood. He and my Dad were total opposites. Alan was kind, quiet and easy going. Total opposites.

I’ll forever miss him and I’ll forever always remember his silly laugh and his oh-so-corny jokes.

God speed Uncle Alan.
XOXO

The sweetest love story you’ll read this week….plus talk of an exorcism.

Happy Monday Ya’ll.
We’ve just wrapped up another busy weekend.

 ***

While at my Uncle’s wedding last month Linds had a very serious question for me.
Linds: “Who pays the church minister?”
Me:     “The members pay him when they tithe, sometimes they even provide housing.”

Linds: 
“Wow, I bet Ministers don’t make very much money. 
But I guess they could make extra by performing exorcisms.”

Me:      “yep, I wonder if he can fit one in today?”

***

And speaking of my Uncle’s wedding, there was a really nice article in their local paper. I thought you might enjoy it as well…a sweet story with a happy ending.

A lot of my long time readers will remember when I was losing my Grandma a few years ago; Joani was such a huge help; she was there helping my Grandma daily and keeping his spirits up too.
It warms my heart to know HE is loved and not lonely.

So, did that fill your insides with sweet little butterflies?
Yes? Well, be prepared, cause you might poop out caterpillars later today.

Oh, and Linds and I had a little chuckle during their ceremony when we found out that Joani’s late mom’s name was Helen.
Her married name was Kellar.
yeah, because that’s what makes us chuckle.

So, what do you call this: Fate? Serendipity? Luck? Awesome-sauce?

It happened right there in the bakery dept.

This past Friday I ran into the grocery store to pick up a few items for the weekend.

I started in the bakery dept. for some fresh sandwhich bread, when out of the corner of my eye I saw her.
She was at least 15 feet away, but I recognized her.
My Grandma.
Ok, it wasn’t exactly her, but from the side and if I squinted a tad bit it looked just like her. Seeing dead family members is not that weird for me. *Especially at Publix.
The weirdest thing….is that immediately after seeing her, I could smell her. 
Her smell.
I couldn’t tell you what her smell is, but I recognized it at once. My Grandma’s smell, not the lady shopping in the bakery dept. who was faking her way into my heart.

Right there in the grocery store, I had a visit from Grandma. My heart was fluttering, I had a smile plastered on my face; warm memories flooded my brain. The feeling lasted about 32 seconds, but it was a wonderful 32 seconds.

Dad, Suz, G’ma~~~nineteen seventy something.

*I’ve run into my Dad’s look alike in Publix before. He might have found me to be a bit weird since I stared at him for as long as I possibly could without being issued a restraining order.

Do you MuuMuu?

Some news.
My youngest daughter is now a Junior. 
In.High.School.
I must start shopping for some muumuu’s and comfortable shoes.
I’m not sure where to even purchase a muumuu.
My G’ma used to wear them around the house all the time. I believe she referred to them as a”house-dress”.

{G’ma’s were similar to this; short sleeve with snaps down the front.}

They always had big pockets for her pack of cigarettes.
I think that was a must for housewives back in the day. Soap operas and cigarettes went hand in hand.

I’ll just use the pocket for my flask smart phone. 
***

I was digging through photos the other day and came across this one of my G’ma.

{1981}
My first thought: She would hate this photo of herself; she was eating for heavens sake!

But then I looked closely and it appeared to me that she was saying a naughty word.

You see, her constant and favorite phrase to describe a good person:

“{Fill in the blank with a name} wouldn’t  say  sh*t  if  their  mouth  was  full  of  it.”

Have you ever heard that one?
Well, it looked like she might be saying that in that photo above…even though it appeared that she was actually eating some sort of mayonnaise based salad.

Now, everyone close your eyes.

 My Dad’s cousin and my G’ma.
Maybe they were praying?
But most likely not. Most Methodists only pray at church or before bed.

I just made that up.

And this is the look she gave you before she informed you that you’ve gained weight…

and her next line would include something about her wanting to fix you something to eat.

Gosh I miss that woman with the Muumuu’s and mixed messages!

Our weekend was swell.
How about you?

Housedress pattern photo borrowed from here.

If there was a calling for a professional rambler, I’d have my application turned in first.

I’ve been really busy lately. Did I tell you I won the lottery? Well, I did, and I am busy as heck spending money so I’ve not been blogging so much. Plus, I am recovering from the face lift, liposuction and the lip implants. What else would I DO with all my winnings?

Yeah, right.

I’d never get lip implants.

And I hardly ever purchase lottery tickets, but a girl can dream.

Recently,  I took a sunset portrait class, and it included a real live model shoot at sunset. 
Go figure.
These photos are for her {THE MODEL} to use…but I get to share them as well on my ‘website’

Is a blog a website? I’ll have to check into that one.

Our sunset on this particular day was not great. Which is really sad, because we generally have fantastic sunsets. The sunsets are our paybacks for having to run our a/c for 360 days a year.

Anyhoo…the model was fantastic. And I know modeling. I didn’t suffer through hours and hours of America’s next top model while the girls were enthralled with the glamorous life of modeling.
{Gag me with a vial of coke and a cigarette.}

Can you believe she is 40? I want to be from Romania in my next life….apparently life is so good there, you don’t seem to age.

We are almost done with the renovation of the playroom. We’ve eliminated two desks, and many cabinets…so I am again moving things around. I realized I was collecting TOO much crapola in the craft room cabinets. So I’ve been making room to move stuff from the playroom to the craft/laundry room.

You  might think this is the before photo. But you’d be wrong.

 This is the before:

Have you ever heard the phrase: “The more space you have, the more junk you keep?”

This is true for me and our house.
Of course, my junk is very special and it is hard to part with.

I sound really pompous throwing around words like playroom and craft room. I’ll never discuss here my gift wrapping room(s).

Today, we are starting on phase II of this newest reno.

I remember my Grandma coming over to our house one day and she stated:
“It is much easier to keep a large house than a small one.”

My mom and I looked at each other quizzically…because my Grandma always had a very small house.
I suppose she learned this housekeeping stuff from watching Dynasty and Dallas.

{I miss my G’ma and her funny lines!}

Softball season is upon us!

Sadly, Lolo is not playing….she is dealing with a hip injury. Yet, she is still smiling.
She is like Shakira, her hips don’t lie either.

They’ve been traveling the last few weekends….Friday-Sunday. Between classes/softball and re-hab (for her hip, not the other re-hab) she won’t ever get to a keg party.

College isn’t like it was when I wasn’t there.

But I did learn a good amount of life skills at Beauty College. Such as, don’t trust people with pink/spikey hair to give you a normal haircut.

And no, I never had pink hair.
yet.

We had a great weekend hanging out and attending a great party too!
How about you? Anything to ramble on about today?