No Woman, No Cry

I think I only have ONE male reader, so George, I apologize for this post.

I had my annual smooshing and smearing last week, as women we’ve gotta keep our lady parts in check. While I don’t enjoy it at all, I am so appreciative that I have health insurance and a kind Dr; even the smooshing expert is pleasant and we meet every year around the same time for our intimate moments with my boobs. It’s also such a convenience for me that I can get my mammogram upstairs, then trot downstairs for my pap. Is that how it works everywhere? Probably not.

My girls visit the same office, so I wanted to share with them my whereabouts.

They are hilarious.

All is well on my end(s). Although, I’m a bit irritated when they often refer to me as ‘dense’. But, I think they’re talking about my boobs and not my brain. *fingers crossed*

I’m going to get bloodwork drawn soon, but I’m pretty sure I’m fully in menopause now. I’m not complaining because my days of NOT being in menopause were tough. Without going into the bloody details (see what I did there), my monthly friend wreaked havoc in my life. (wreaked? Wrecked?) anyhoo….from the ripe old age of 15/16 until February of this year, it was hellish. Miserable. Drained the life out of me for a few days every month. I used to see those damn tampon commercials where the girls were jogging, riding bikes, climbing mountains, and here I was bleeding to death on the couch canceling all planned activities that required me to be upright.

Now? I’m ready to climb a mountain.

Ok, maybe just a hill.

Hell, what am I talking about, I tripped stepping onto the driveway last week.

Menopause hasn’t been a walk in the park, but, I’m getting used to the brain fog, fits of anger, thinning hair, belly weight, hot flashes and the like.

And since I don’t want to ONLY complain on ye ole’ blog…Wait, am I complaining or rejoicing?

Look at this beautiful Eastern Black Swallowtail female that I released this week.

How nice to be a lady butterfly and NOT bleed to death or go through menopause. But then gain, they only get to live for a few weeks anyway; might as well let her have some fun.

Happy Friday my friends! Anyone have any exciting plans for the weekend?

I’m going to make it my mission to finish up my photo sorting project and organize my closet for the 700th time this weekend. I’m sure you’re thinking I have such a glamorous life and you’re correct.


On the mend and the one where we finally got an answer

I spent so much time on my back over the past week, you’d have thought I was getting paid.
*Straining my neck to see if I have bed sores.*

I started watching the series Outlander while home with the flu. I’d read the first book years ago, then forgot about the whole thing. WOW. (the first season has 16 episodes-unheard of!)
I know it’s far fetched and not exactly great fiction, but WOW.
One morning, I awoke to an email from Netflix reminding me that the next episode of Outlander was available….don’t they know I haven’t stopped thinking about that since I went to sleep yesterday?
SO much violence, sex, and sex-violence, I can really only handle a few episodes at a time in my delicate state of mind. *giggle*

I still sound like I’ve got a pack and a half of Marlboro red a-day habit. That’s attractive.

I still have moments where I feel like crapola. And a few moments where I feel ok. I’ve still not got back to the gym for fear of a coughing fit and plus, low energy. 
Next year, (or is that this year?) I’ll be the first in line for the flu shot.

My Aunt texted me the other day asking if I was feeling any better and stating that it was a good thing I got the flu prior to our upcoming trip to CA.

Me: Yes, I’m getting better. And yes, luckily for me, this was the best time to get the flu; aside from Callie being sick too, I didn’t have anything pressing this week. 
She applauded me for having a good attitude. I do like to be applauded even if it’s via text.


The Callie saga. I didn’t go into details before because her symptoms were all over the place and they made no sense. If you are a dog person and care to see what the deal was read the next long part of this post. If you don’t have a dog and have no need to know, skip this part.
*On Saturday night I’d noticed that she was drinking a lot of water. I caught her standing over her bowl and then just staring at the wall. I had flashbacks of Ozzie; he did this often and then we learned he had a brain tumor and staring at walls was an indication of brain issues. (headaches)
She was fine the next day and I didn’t give it another thought.

*Tuesday, the day that my Flu was in full force, Callie amped up her weirdness for me. She didn’t eat breakfast. (eating is her favorite thing) She was drinking copious amounts of water. Then I noticed she was shivering/shaking. I was concerned. The Coach was in Miami but would be back later that night and I assumed he could take her to the emergency vet to see what was going on. But then I noticed that while laying on the tile floor, she had urine leaking out of her; almost faucet like. I called my vet and they were able to get me into their sister location that afternoon. Nothing like being very sick and having to pick up a sick 68lb dog and putting her into the back of my SUV.

*We were at the vet for almost 2 hours. The Dr. ran blood tests even though she had bloodwork done the week prior for her Rymidyl RX refill. (a common Arthritis anti-inflammatory) The bloodwork today is coming out totally different than last week and the DR. is very confused. Her blood sugar is scarily low and he can’t figure out how she is still LIVING with her blood sugar so low. He tested her urine and was shocked at how ‘watered’ down it was.

*The Vet wanted to run some glucose type tests the next day and asked us to please get her to eat that night. She needs to raise her sugar levels or else.

*Wednesday she was able to eat breakfast but had been leaking watered down urine all over the house all night. I had towels on top of every one of her beds and kept swapping them out.And I awoke twice in the middle of the night and took her out.  Coach dropped her off for the new tests in the morning and would pick her back up later in the day. When he picked her up, she seemed ok. They left the iv/catheter in her leg (first I typed arm, she doesn’t have an arm) in case we had an emergency during the night. They said her sugar levels were even worse today and that was after eating breakfast. They did an ultrasound but didn’t see anything ‘alarming’ on her kidneys or in her belly. They instructed us to bring her back the next day to check sugar again and remove the iv/catheter. We started giving her some Prednisone (steroid).

*Thursday the Coach took her for sugar testing and removing of IV. Her sugar reading was still bad; 70. But better than the 41 it was on Wednesday. The Dr. is throwing out some ideas of what she might have gotten into.

1) Did she get into any medicinal marijuana? Ummm NO.
2) Any chance she ate some sugarfree gum that has xylitol in it? This is lethal to dogs. I’m a big fan of sugarfree gum, but I don’t leave it lying around and I haven’t had gum in the six weeks since I got my Invisalign. Also, Callie isn’t the dog who gets into stuff; she never has been.  

*Friday, her cortisol tests came back normal. Still waiting to hear how her insulin levels were that they tested on Wednesday. We’re both wondering if the Dr. knows what he’s doing as it’s taking forever for us to get an answer. The urine leaking is slowing down, she’s eating better and we’re basically feeding her small amounts all day long to keep sugar levels up. Just a few weeks ago, I was chastised about her weight and told to cut her food down….now, it’s anything goes.

*Saturday, the Coach woke up to several small piles of bile/vomit around the house. Suz was in a flu coma and heard nothing. Callie finally had an appetite later in the day and seemed ok.

*Sunday, she acted normal. No pee leaks. No vomit. YAY!

*Monday-we finally got a call from the Vet at 7:30pm. He has a diagnosis and it was something he mentioned in passing earlier last week. They did see something on the ultrasound on her pancreas; a small node of sorts and they think what she has is an Insulinoma. An insulinoma is a malignant pancreatic tumor that inappropriately secretes excessive insulin, resulting in profound hypoglycemia.”

So. having an answer is so much better than the unknown. He was happy to know that she was now eating and not leaking as much urine. We will continue on this path until she isn’t happy anymore. He realistically said she could have another 2 weeks or another 6 months. And at 13, we’re not going to do anything invasive whatsoever. 


We have several trips planned, so I’ll be losing sleep worrying about the ‘what ifs’ while we’re away. 

On a funny side-note; when Callie was at the vet’s office most of Wednesday, they noted to the Coach that she ‘looks so sad’ so she must not feel well. 

Ummm actually, that is JUST HER FACE. She always looks like that. You’ve heard of resting bitch face? Callie has ‘resting sad face’.  My poor sweet cow dog. 
She’s hasn’t had the most ideal life, but since living with us the past 4 1/2 years, it’s been all gravy. 

I promise I have good things to write about. I feel like Debbie downer lately on the blog, but hopefully, I’ll be shooting sunshine and rainbows out of my butt (ouch) again soon. 


Flu, I’ve got you Flu.

We had a very busy and awesome weekend. I hugged, loved and was dazzled by around 185 guests at the Night To Shine event on Friday night. (this was my 3rd year volunteering) I, along with some good friends greeted each guest and got them into Limo’s for a ride around the church parking lot, then to the event center where they were greeted like royalty on the red carpet.
I ended the night with what I would call a stress headache; maybe I was a bit overwhelmed with all the excitement, the hoopla, the cheerleaders bouncing around, the noise from the happy guests….or maybe I’m just getting old?
When I woke up on Saturday the headache was still there and I was exhausted. I made a comment to the coach that maybe I’m on the spectrum because it just seemed to be too much for me this year. (There are a LOT of guests on the spectrum, and I do believe they were in better shape than me. And no, I’m not poking fun at people with disabilities, you know better.)

Sunday night I started coughing and whipped up some hot tea.
Monday morning I awoke feeling like the dead.
Achy body. Chills. coughing. my joints were on fire.
I knew it was the flu because I have that fake doctor’s degree.
I spent the day in bed.
Finally, at around 4:00 on Monday afternoon, I remembered that there was an antiviral that you could take to ward off the effects.
I call our Doctor’s office and left a voicemail. (they haven’t answered the phone in 5 years-very annoying)
On Tuesday morning I was anxiously awaiting their call as the Coach was leaving for Miami for the day; I’d been hoping he could just pick up the RX for me.
They didn’t call back until noon and told me that they no longer take our insurance anymore and I’d have to come in and be seen in person and pay. ;(
Eff it.
My window was closing in because you’re supposed to take the antiviral 48 hours or sooner once you know it’s the flu.
“I’ll just suffer through, I’m a big girl”
Well, Tuesday night the ‘razor blades’ in my throat coughing was endless all night. If only I could get the cough to settle down, then I won’t feel like throwing myself off a bridge.
Heck, I don’t even know where a bridge is in my town.
Wednesday I crawled into the walk-in clinic and waiting over an hour to be seen.
They did the Flu test and guess what? I got 100%!

The kind Doctor told me that I was too late for the antiviral and to take Mucinex DM and Tylenol.
I really should have been a Doctor.

I asked him if I had got the flu vaccine if I could have avoided this and he shrugged his shoulders and said: maybe, maybe not. You never know. 
The one time I had the vaccine, I was extremely sick with the flu and I vowed to never do it again.

I still feel like hell, but I know I’m gonna live.

In the middle of all this, Callie has been having issues and I had to take her to the Vet (with the flu, but I wasn’t officially diagnosed. The coach was out of town and it was up to me)
She’s back at the vet again today for testing and I could not be a veterinarian, because I have no idea what is going on with her.

The Vet did ask the Coach when he dropped her off this time if she had got into any ‘edibles’ in our house. (we don’t, but that doesn’t stop her from looking like she’s had some edibles)
Good lord, if I had those, I probably wouldn’t care about having the flu.
Say a good word for our Cow dog if you can.

Also, an unseen (until the day I had the flu) water leak into one of the bedrooms…..I found wet carpet and a moldy (behind the dresser) wall. That’s probably good for the ole’ respiratory system.
Waiting on the plumber now. I’ll keep my distance from him, but I need that fixed asap.

If Suz, her Callie, and her house could just calm the eff down, that would be great.