I didn’t mean to be this much work. And what’s the opposite of an anti-vaxer? That’s me.

Getting older has been a lot of work. Maintenance, if you will. 
But now I go regularly for dermaplaning….oh how I love to have someone take a razor blade to my face. 
I strength train 3x a week at the gym.
I had laser vision surgery. (I still have excellent eyesight)
I have my teeth cleaned 3x a year. 
I get mani’s-pedi’s on the regular as well as getting my hair did. 
I finally bit the bullet this year and had my big toes rid of the chances of ingrown toenails…those were a b*tch to deal with and I’m happy to say I’ve had none since then. 
Wow. Now that I write all that, I’m a lot. 
But, I’m guessing other women my age are doing all this maintenance too. I know the Coach is very limited in his maintenance, but I don’t think he’s worried about his skin tone or very close veins as I am.   
Turning 50 has been so much fun though because you get to add in all the medical stuff too.
I’m already faithful to my lady Dr. who smears me yearly and flattens my breasticles into pancakes. 
But she kept telling me I needed a colonoscopy and the shingles vaccine.
Well, that doesn’t sound fun. 
But, I was so wrapped up in getting my first dental implant and traveling that I put those two things off until this year. (the implant was a 6-month process)
I finally conceded and had the colonoscopy and it wasn’t as horrible as I’d imagined. 
I wasn’t going to skip the shingles vaccine though. I got the chickenpox on my 29th birthday and I’ve never been so sick in my life and I wasn’t taking any chances since they’re in the same fam-damily. 
So about 6 months ago I went to my favorite pharmacist and asked for the shingles vaccine and I actually had to wait a few months because it’s in demand. 
See, I knew I was doing the popular thing. 
Anyhoo, when it was finally available, I did my grocery shopping, then popped in front of the pharmacy with my bags of fuel and just before she gave me my shot she said: I’m sorry, but this WILL hurt and you might feel crappy tomorrow. 
Dang. No foreplay with this lady. 
She wasn’t kidding. It stung and I felt a bit lightheaded for a few minutes.
The next day I woke up pretty achy and my arm hurt pretty bad. Later in the afternoon, I felt like I had the flu. Luckily, I didn’t need to be anywhere that day, so I took it easy and laid around.
I lived. I was all better the day after.
You have to get a second dosing 3-6 months after the first and I went back this week for my second. I planned to do this on a day where I had no obligations the next day, just in case. 
I found out that I was also due for my tetanus and my Measles. (MMR)
I said, well, why not?
I could only get two vaccines at once because I only have 2 arms. Lucky octopus’s. 
I opted for the shingles and the tetanus. 
As she’s about to stab me this time, she says: The tetanus is known to be really painful for a few days.
Does she have anything nice to say?
So, that was Monday. I felt a bit achy yesterday and both arms were hurting. 
Today, I’m much better. I was able to have a great workout at the gym and I’m happy to know I’ll be shingle-free for life. (fingers crossed) Also, if I happen to sit on a pair of rusty scissors, I’ll be in the clear. (you cringe, but I did that back in the day-my skinny little thigh!) 

Double battle wounds for Suz.

I’m trying to figure out what’s next.
Cataracts?
No, we don’t have cats anymore…just our Callie dog. 

Anyone else struggling to try to keep up with your health/beauty/time? 
Bee healthy
Bee proactive
Bee good to yourself

The time I wanted to take down a nurse.

Well, I’d put off my colonoscopy as long as I possibly could. My Dr. was not having any more of my shenanigans, so I finally went to see a suggested gastrologist. I chose a female Dr; I always choose a woman if the circumstances are involving any (or near) my lady parts. Call me crazy, but I’m more comfortable with someone who has similar parts as I do

The pre-op exam was good, the Dr. was pleasant. I was able to schedule my appointment within a week and there was no turning back now. I was given a RX for the prep part. This is a newer one that is being used and I was kind of the guinea pig for my Dr.
Clenpiq
It was all straight forward. I was scheduled for Tuesday morning, so I began my fasting on Monday morning and had the clenpiq at 2pm and 8pm along with tons of water, juice, tea, flavored water, ginger ale, jello and ice pops. The jello and Ice pops were lifesavers and I almost felt like I was having food. Almost.

I stayed home all day. (you’ll be very friendly with your commode!) I did a lot of busy stuff to keep my mind off food for most of the day and then I watched some TV later on. At one point I saw a dog food commercial and I thought: “wow, I bet that tastes good”

I did survive. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I’m the type of person whose personality changes (and not for the better) when I’m hungry. I become cranky and lash out at anyone and everyone.
I’d never make it as a homeless person.

The morning of Coach drove me to the appointment. I’d already placed my order with him for an egg sandwich and coffee from Einsteins when he picked me up.

While in the reception area, I used the ladies room one more time to empty my bladder,  even though I’d not had any liquids since 11 the night before.

Then, the nurse/assistant calls me into the pre-op area. Carlos looks over my chart and asks if I’m still having my menstrual cycle or if I’m in menopause. Sadly, I’m still dealing with it. He then said, “Oh, you’ll have to give me some urine for a pregnancy test.” 
I kind of made a face and said, I might NOT be able to since I just emptied my bladder.
He said he needed only a few drops and for me to just try.
As I’m shutting the door to the restroom I hear another nurse say to him: “Well if someone is having anesthesia, they should ALWAYS know to have a pregnancy test, it goes without saying!” 

I was PISSED!!
HOW DARE SHE? Doesn’t she know I’m hangry! 
I’m tired and I’m not thinking about possibly being pregnant at 51!

I was able to produce a small amount, I walked out and handed it to my nurse Carlos and was ready to let the other lady have it, but she was with a patient and I held it in.

As Carlos is taking my blood pressure and my pulse, he asks if I’m nervous because the darn machine was losing it’s mind. I told him, I wasn’t nervous, but I was PISSED at the other nurse because I heard what she said while I was in the bathroom.
He assured me that she wasn’t complaining about me, but she was angry with the receptionist who checked me in, it was her responsibility to let me know I’d need to have a pregnancy test.

Oh.
Gotcha.

Within a minute my heart rate and blood pressure went down and the machine didn’t sound like a carnival on Saturday night.

Carlos finished all his questions and next was the Nurse anesthetist; he had a hundred questions for me as well, then he told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.
Me: “This is my first time but I don’t think this is how you do it”
I thought he was going to wet his pants.
He then proceeded to tell me I have the biggest set of tonsils he’s seen in a long time. He said I had a really nice pair.

Me: “Well, thank you.”

You gotta take compliments wherever you can get them. 

I felt fine the rest of the day and everything I ate tasted just a little bit better after not eating for 36 hours. That was a record for me.

Quite possibly the best-tasting Sammy ever. 

I don’t have to do this again until I’m 60, but you know I’ll try to put it off as long as possible.

If my mouth doesn’t get me into trouble, my high cholesterol will.

The Coach and I were discussing a large purchase the other night and he said: “let’s just do it, we don’t know how much time we have left.”
Me: “Oh, I know exactly how much time YOU have left.”
Coach: “wow, that sounds menacing.”

I was kidding because I know for sure he’ll outlive me. Unless he continues to drive as he does, then we’ll most likely die together with him at the wheel.

Did I tell you I just lowered my cholesterol by 27 points?
Did I tell you I had high cholesterol? 
I don’t think I did. I used to be so good at sharing important things, but lately, I’m so involved in myself.
I’m proud to say that my good cholesterol is really good. But my bad one was really bad.
I really was always a bit miffed about having high numbers, to begin with. I eat well. No processed foods and limited fast food. (I’m weak for Chic fil A)

Back in October my sweet and very thin Dr. told me to lower my numbers and my weight.
I was a bit offended. People, truthful words DO hurt.
She did agree with my thought that if I were 3 inches taller, my weight would be great.

Even though I strength train 3x a week and do cardio at least 2, my weight (waist size) has been slowly been going UP. I blame peri-menopause. I even blame it for the thinning ozone layer.

I wish I knew how exactly I lowered my numbers. (my weight was down only a few pounds, but it fluctuates 3-4 lbs depending on the day)
For my cholesterol, though I did a few things.  I avoided the daily piece of bacon that the Coach makes. He’s a bacon connoisseur; even making his very own cured bacon. He would still offer it to me after I said I needed to lower my numbers and I’d say:

DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A STROKE? 

I suppose if you talk to someone like that, the answer might be YES.

A vegan burger and NOT a bacon burger

Anyhoo….less bacon in my life and I was taking two Plant Sterol gel caps daily. I get them at the Vitamin Shoppe.  I had read about them somewhere and figured I didn’t have anything to lose aside from bad numbers. I have one in the morning and one at night along with my daily joint pills.
You’d never know I was such a pill popper by looking at me, but I have an innocent face and a horrible mouth.
For a while there I limited my cheese intake too, but that didn’t last long. Rats love cheese.
I’m still a work in progress, hoping that my numbers go down more before my next appointment in six months.
Also I hope Dr. Thin gains a few of my pounds….that’s what you get when you hurt my feelings. 🙂

Have a great day.
XO