Can we all take a moment and appreciate my healthy hips?

That might sound odd to some people, but most of you not.so.much because weirdlings attract weirdlings.

At my last Lady Dr. appointment, while poking my parts, my Dr. ordered a bone density test and I fulfilled my obligation to my bones last week. Have you had this done? It’s the easiest test I’ve ever taken; had they offered me this instead of algebra in HS, I would have been the freakin’ Valedictorian.

It literally takes less than five minutes, I can lay down for the entire process, I don’t have to un-clothe myself and I can talk while it’s being done. That’s what I call a trifecta. I know, that’s not what trifecta means at all, but this is my blog and I have my own language, so get on board.

I had one five years ago, but I don’t remember the results or if my Dr. even gave me my results, you see, I’ve slept a lot of hours since then so things tend to get fuzzy. But this time I was a willing and woke participant at our appointment.

Y’all: I got an A+.

I have great bones; like an old house that just needs some spackle paint.

Like a workhorse with many years left in her; saddle me up!

I’m cleared for falling down and probably not breaking a hip.

Have you seen hips like those? Take that SHAKIRA, SHAKIRA.

Am I being too humerus with you?

In all honesty, I was kind of worried going in because my Mom, God bless her, she was the incredible shrinking lady as she aged. I think she started at 5’4 or 5’5, but by the time she was 70 she was about 4″11. I figured that was going to be my fate, and honestly, it ain’t over yet, the fat lady has NOT sung, so I still might shrink.

My Dr. said that most women start to lose bone mass at this age, so mine were looking HAWWWTTT as HELL.

Ok, she didn’t say that, but I’m sure she was thinking it; I could just tell she was admiring my amazing bone structure.

She credited me with getting enough calcium in my diet (I do not take a calcium supplement) and of course consistent strength training, which I started about 6 years ago. You can’t really tell by looking at me because ‘menopause waistline’, but I pick up heavy things three days a week at the gym and that is good for my bones. Your bones. Everybody’s bones.

Now, when I see someone looking in my direction at Costco or Publix, I know what they are thinking: DAMNNN, look at the cartilage on that chick.

So, now I’m just bragging about everydamnthing. Next week we’ll cover my overly organized Tupperware Snapware drawer.

Kidding. Unless that’s the kind of thing that does it for you.

It certainly does it for me; that and good bones. Goodness, I can’t stop touching them! MY BONES, NOT MY Snapware.

Damn it, you caught me, I was lying, I like touching both.

Happy Friday my friends! Whatcha doing this weekend? Tell me about your bones. Or just about anything good that you found out this week.

XOXO

Finding weird things under your pillow or in a toy box isn’t so weird in our house.

The post below was originally shared in 2014. I’m re-sharing it today because of what we found in the Barbie box recently; the mystery box contained someone’s teeth.

*giggle giggle* I love my silly life.

My brilliant friend Ernie guessed correctly; I’m assuming it’s because she’s a bit weird too and has a slew of funny kids.


Lucky for most of you, you don’t have a weird Mom.

Unlucky for my girls, they were born to a weirdo.  

I spent a good portion of the weekend in the closet; we are FINALLY going to gut and redo our master closet; top to bottom, side to side.   I was cleaning out bins, cabinets, shelves, boxes, you name it.

I found my Dad’s resume from 1970.  I found diaries from 1979. 

I found letters from my Grandma, my Brother and every card that was ever given to me. **MEMORY HOARDER**

I have my wedding planning-spiral notebook and every shower/wedding card. That is 23 years in the saving and the empty bottle of champs from our honeymoon. I don’t even remember drinking champagne.


I also found the WEIRD.    What is it with Moms and saving the weird?

I found teeth.    Yes human teeth. And not just one box, but three boxes.   I’m pretty sure one box contained MY teeth, because my weirdness does not fall far from the weird tree.  I distinctly remember my Mom bringing down a box at Thanksgiving a few years back.  See, I came by the weird naturally, she drove from GA to FL with my baby teeth in her suitcase.

So, what does a weird mom do?  She puts them under the pillow of her 18 year old daughter while she is at work.

Along with someones teeth, I added a pamplet on how to give a self breast exam.  The victim 18 year old was none too pleased; Linds didn’t find the humor in the ‘under the pillow surprise party.’

Me? I thought it was hilarious and she’s just lucky I didn’t save her first dirty diaper. 


Now, I’m wondering if my Linds had the wherewithal in 2014 to think ahead to the year 2020, me in the playroom with our almost 3 year old great-niece and me finding those teeth.

Well played my brilliant child, well played.

When the people of target annoy you and we have a bizarre Lost & Found department.

I had a Who Moved My Cheese moment last week at Target. I knew in my head that I hadn’t been there in a while, but I didn’t realize how long until I looked at my Target App. (there’s an app for that because there’s an app for everything) It had been over 7 weeks. SEVEN. Before the United States Dumpster Fire started, I was a once-a-week Target girl. I kept asking (anyone who would listen) “Do you think Target is gonna go out of business since I’m not going as much?”

I was actually pretty excited about my shopping trip, but sadly my excitment quickly turned to slight panic and not at the Disco. I was lost as hell because during my shopping absence the Target People remodeled/rearranged the ENTIRE store. Without my permission; what is this world coming to?

Are you old enough to remember the book Who Moved My Cheese?


She found what, where?

I have a text thread with my girls; My DNA Squad. Don’t tell their Dad, he’ll be seriously jealous.

To answer her question, yes, she used to pack heat. And also sew. And also was possibly the most unorganized person ever; hence ammo in her sewing basket. I’ll have to check her revolver for some thread. Lolo confirmed that the sewing basket still smelled like Grandma’s apartment.

I miss that unorganized lady like crazy.


I found what, where?

Last weekend my Great Niece was here visiting for the day. We broke out the girls Barbie house and accessories. Lots and lots of accessories.

I sent a text to the girls letting them know we were dusting off the Barbies.

One accessory didn’t belong in the Barbie box at all.

I removed the play scissors from Barbies’ poor ear before Kinsley was traumatized.

Can you imagine what I found in that little box within the Barbie box?

Don’t ya love a cliffhanger? I’ve got to figure out a way for you to return to this nonsense.

XO