Tag: Say what?

The follow-up to my future neighbor from hell.

Several months ago on a Tuesday morning, I was working in my office and minding my own beeswax. My lawn guys were here cutting the grass, so our electric gate was wide open. We have a keypad at the gate for guests, deliveries, etc. My house phone rang from the gate and I answered it wondering who would call from the gate when it was clearly wide open.

{For reference pic of gate area from my office with the gate closed and now with new palm trees.}

The conversation went something like this:
Suz: Hello?
Lunatic: Hi, I own the property next door and I need your lawn guys to NOT park on my property.
Suz: Oh, Hi. (she caught me off guard) Ummm….Ok. No problem. I didn’t realize someone bought the land. I’ll make sure they don’t park there anymore. No worries. 
Luna: Also, Please STOP throwing garbage on my land.
Suz: What? Ummmm…yes, I see that some people drop trash there from their car, but I assure you, it’s not me. I’ve often walked over there and picked up the thrash myself because it’s an eyesore. 
{While also remembering over the last 20 years, dropping the random fallen palm frond over the fence; surely it’s composted.}
Luna: I’M TRYING TO BE NICE HERE!
Now, I catch a glimpse of her via my window and she’s leaning down hollering into the keypad and bobbing her head back in forth with gusto.
Now, I’m thinking, wow. if you had to SAY you were being nice, then I’m gonna guess you aren’t really. *giggle giggle*
Suz: Well, I assure you I’m not throwing garbage on….*gets cut off by Luna*
Luna: I’ve already called the police twice and..…*click*
Apparently, my keypad wasn’t created to have long conversations and the phone line was dropped.
So, I’m sure she thinks I hung up on her.
Whatevs….we weren’t making any progress.

She’s out there spouting craziness and bobbing her head in anger at me and I’m over here raising butterflies, hugging trees, raising funds for Veterans and championing people with disabilities, while also, minding my own damn business and keeping my corner of the world extremely tidy.
What in the actual hell? 

A bit later I went out and spoke with my lawn guys and let them know that we have a lunatic on our hands and they should just park in our grass. They let me know that they were also victims of her wrath that morning and also, that her swale (and mine, and everyone’s) is actually county property.
I agree it’s county property, but I don’t want her to come at me and park a jalopy or dump truck in my swale, so we’ll not park in her area again.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Fast forward a few weeks and again, it was a Tuesday morning; my lawn guys were here and the gate was wide open as I was working in my office. I see a sheriff’s car pull up the driveway.
Me: Hmmmm…he’s probably coming to tell me how nice my yard is and comment on my blue line flag supporting law enforcement. {I actually crack myself up}

I met him at the door and asked if there was something I could help him with.
He seemed a bit confused and said he was responding to some complaints about someone throwing garbage onto MY property, or that I was possibly throwing garbage onto my neighbor’s property? 

I don’t know if I could have possibly rolled my eyes any further into the back of my skull. 

I kindly explained to him what had happened a few weeks back with Luna and the gate/phone conversation; I explained that we aren’t’ littering on their property and that my lawn guys are now parking on my property as he could plainly see for himself.
He smiled politely and kind of giggled to himself. He reiterated to me that her swale is county property and that right now, there were a few vehicles parked there and it’s not illegal.

He said there were several complaints filed and not just towards us; the people across from Luna too.
Suz: Goodness, she’s gonna get all sorts of housewarming gifts when the day comes.
He laughed as he departed from my porch stoop and agreed that she’s not trying to make a good first impression.

A few weeks after this, the Coach was out at our Swale near her property talking with our tree people about the huge project that was about to commence. Our tree people had some trucks in her swale. Lord have mercy on anyone who she comes in contact with.

The Coach said he saw her coming and knew exactly who she was. She parked her car in front of the work trucks and was making her way towards him with a bad attitude and anger written all over her demeanor.
He shut her down immediately when she was within speaking distance with: “we’re working on a huge landscape project and YES, trucks will be occasionally parking on the county-owned portion of your land; no debris will be dumped on your land and it will look just like it does now when our project is done”. 
BAM!
She nodded, turned and walked away without saying anything.

We’ve not seen or heard from her since. I’m sure she drives by looking for trouble, but she won’t get any from me. I’ve actually told this story to my neighbors to the north, my bestie who lives about 8 houses down and my beloved Fed Ex guy (he’s awesome) and everyone is shocked at her behavior towards us.

Did anyone else see the movie or read the book The Help?
Remember the chocolate pie Miss Minnie made for the evil Miss Hilly?…
the sh*t pie?

I’m conjuring up images of a housewarming gift.

HAHA.
It’s funny. But you know I wouldn’t dare!!