Learning New Words And Trying To Survive Normal Human Functions

I want to give a big hug, fist pump and possibly do the Carlton with each of you that wished our Lolo well in her next endeavor. People who encourage others are the bomb. I appreciate your kindness and I’m sure she read each comment.

SAY WHAT?

I really wanted to blog about something important or interesting today, but I didn’t have time to get my act together. And also, I don’t usually do important.

But I did remember that I wanted to let you know I learned a new (to me) word this past week and I almost died on Wednesday AND since that wasn’t exiting enough, I tried to do it again on Thursday. The dying part, not the new word.

See. I’ve been busy.

Last week while in GA I went to look at a potential home for my Aunt and Uncle; they’ve been on the hunt since AUGUST. I’m not kidding when I say a house can be listed and three to four offers come in the same damn day. They’re having a tough time; they’re not the only ones trying to flee the insanity of our world to a safer haven.

The house was newly listed (nine minutes from us!) and they appreciate my input. If you’ve ever been in a room with me while HGTV is on, you’d know that I have a lot to say. If criticizing peoples homes on TV was a sport, I’d have a Gold Medal and lots of endorsement deals.

It was a nice home. Not perfect, but it had potential. It was clean and you can tell it was well taken care of which is not always the case.

Things that AT and I could not get over were the amount of LARGE pieces of furniture, LARGE gilded gold framed artwork and Dead Animals.

I mean, you often see lots of art work. And occasionally dead animals; these homeowners liked both.

Any spot that could fit a piece of art, had a piece of art. Over the pantry door, IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM, over the closet doors. I’m not exaggerating; very ornate shit.

AT and I were looking around, she was standing behind me, both of us trying to digest the decor. I said something along the lines of it’s A LOT, isn’t it?

AT: yes, very Incongruent.

My head spun around like Linda Blair, Exorcist style. WHAT!?

She repeated herself and I let her know that I have never.heard.that.word.

Was I living under a dictionary rock?

I was thinking it was a contradictory decor style; turns out we meant the same thing.

I learned a new word and the whiplash has mostly subsided.

Finally we both decided to give them a pass; maybe they were going for that European Hunting Mansion look. Not sure why, but they were committed to it.

Indeed the homeowners wouldn’t find it to be incongruent at all.

I used IT IN A SENTENCE! Where the hell is my gold ribbon?

BTW: Lolo knew the word; probably learned it when she was seven reading encyclopedias in bed after I read her Winnie the Pooh.

Food Will Kill Me

Wednesday I was on the phone with my Aunt Trisha, discussing the incongruent house and other important things. I was eating a salad at the time and a murderous sliver of onion slid down my throat mid sentence; my throat WANTED to choke, but I held back because it’s rude to do that while on the phone.

I was trying hard to ignore the fact that my throat was struggling to take in air by continuing on with the conversation, but after half a minute I couldn’t fake the fact that I was dying.

I gave up and proceeded to cough for a moment or seventeen.

AT asked if I was ok.

Yes. Choke. Cough. Choke. Ye…Choke…Cough…Yesss.

I just hate the fact that I’ll probably die from eating a salad at my countertop and not something exciting like enjoying puffer fish sushi off the coast of Belize in a 590ft fully staffed yacht.

Kidding. I don’t like sushi.

THE NEXT DAY I was snacking on some grapes. As usual I was multitasking; cleaning and snacking. I bit into a grape, the juice went DOWN my life-breath-throat hole and I started to choke.

For a good minute or so, I choked, coughed and cussed. The dogs were looking at me like I might die BEFORE they got their dinner and that could pose a problem.

WTH

This furthered the argument that I should only consume grapes that have been fermented; I have NEVER choked on wine.

Should I stop eating while alone? Is it time for a life alert?

If I never post again, you can assume I’ve died from a slice of apple and know full well the ‘Old Apple A Day’ adage was a bunch of BS.

I know I have some super smart blogging friends, but if ONE of you can say you didn’t know what congruent or incongruent were, I’ll share my endorsement money with you and we’ll have wine sans grapes!

Also, choking is only funny if you survive. It’s pretty damn scary. Have you choked this week?

XOXO

I Suppose The Air Could Be Fresher & Nightmare Hiccups.

The other day I was driving down the road and noticed a gentleman driving a convertible with the top down while wearing a mask. He was alone. He was not an uber driver. Yet, he was wearing a mask. Outside. Alone. Me thinks he might be on the weird side.

After I pondered on it for a minute, I decided I should NOT be so judgmental. Perhaps he’s afraid of the pollen that has taken over the South.

I’ve been getting these alerts on the daily.

I also get these alerts regarding our place in the GA mountains. What UP Mother Nature?


Hiccups. Literal hiccups.

Last Wednesday the Coach arrived home from exercising around 8am. Shortly thereafter, he had a case of the hiccups. We all get them, right?

I’m not sure what he did wrong that the universe felt like punishing him, but his case lasted around 38 hours.

He puts in a full day of work running our empire business and has softball practice each night. He’s a BUSY BEE. He was drinking lots of water all day long, and that paused the hiccups for a few minutes, but they would come back. So, when we went to sleep Wednesday, they would slow down, but as soon as he got up to empty his full bladder, they would rear their ugly head again.

A vicious cycle.

To say he was exhausted is an understatement; Ya’ll he tried every remedy known to man and the internet.

Thursday late afternoon he threw in the towel and called Teledoc. After a conference with the Dr. he was given an RX for Prilosec. The Doc said that hopefully this was just a type of acid reflux that instead of affecting you in a form of heartburn or indigestion, it was affecting his diaphragm. The Dr. said that if two doses of this didn’t affect it, he would need to go to the hospital for some sort of IV that would help.

Luckily, the first dose stopped them for about 40 minutes. And over the course of the night, he was having more ‘breaks’. Do you remember timing contractions; he was kind of like that: 30 minutes since the last one. 45 minutes since the last one...He went to bed at 9:30 Thursday, exhausted from it all and he was able to get about 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Friday he took his second dose and things were starting to get better. He was afraid to eat though; thinking that anything that added/changed the acidity in his belly would bring back the hiccups. He was having a bit of PTSD if he felt one coming on. I felt so bad for him. By Saturday all seemed to be back to normal, but wow.

What a weird ordeal.

It’s Monday and I’ve enlightened your life with weird mask habits and weird hiccups. How’s it looking from your corner of the world?

XOXO

I Suppose I Could Collect Stamps; But doesn’t that Seem Too Mainstream For Me?

I might need to rename my blog because I mention teeth a lot around here; my current teeth, my kids baby teeth, my baby teeth. Busy Bee Talks Teeth. It has an odd ring to it.

A few weeks ago when Callie and I were heading to GA to meet/adopt Lillie, I dropped a box of butterfly chrysalis off to Lolo’s house; she lives an hour north of us. I couldn’t leave the chrysalis with Coach, because most days he leaves before the sun comes up and comes home after the sun goes down, and the butterflies need to be released while it’s sunny out. Lolo had a blast being a butterfly Mom. She released about 12-15 while I was away.

She had a few that didn’t quite make it, this sometimes happens. It’s nature and sometimes I loathe nature. After the first one died she asked if she should put it in her compost, bury it or throw it out.

I said, it doesn’t really matter what you do with them, but at home, I keep them in a bowl on the craft table.

Lolo: “WHAT? That might be more disturbing than saving baby teeth.”

Behold, my bowl of dead butterflies, right next to my House Hippo and our weird hand mould.

I find them all over the yard; they have such a short life span, it makes sense that I would find them here, dying in their oasis.

I asked her: What are you gonna do with your babies teeth one day? Just toss them in the trash?

Lolo, not missing a beat: Probably. OR I’ll grind them up and add them in a smoothie.

I had a good laugh at this because we still can’t get over women ingesting their own placenta after giving birth. Lordy, I hope that was just a phase. If you ate/drank your own placenta, please do not tell me, nor invite me over for dinner.

I digress. See how I can go from butterflies, to old teeth to eating body parts? It’s a problem.

After I started writing this post, I went to the my garage fridge to retrieve something to prepare for dinner. Lo and behold I found a white peacock butterfly; dead as a doornail on the floor, just waiting to join the others.

My home; Where They Come To Life and then Rest For Eternity. Dang, that sounds like an advertisement for my stories a soap opera.

Does anyone else collect things that might be umm, uh, unconventional?

Have a great weekend doing whatever it is that you do while we’re not together.

XOXO