Chilly, Boots & B**bs

We’ve had some really nice winter weather this week in Florida. 50’s at night, high 60’s during the day. ‘Tis a lovely time because we know it will soon be over and it’ll feel like our eyeballs are melting just walking to the mailbox to pick up all the junk mail. Time to dust off my cute boots and break out that cardigan that hasn’t seen the light of day in a year.

GA leaves as we only have palm fronds down here.

The Coach opened up all the doors and windows yesterday and 15 minutes later, I closed them all because I was cold.

Nothing really exciting to talk about today. Can you imagine?

But something funny that I finally noticed. Our friend Kelly took this photo of us on the front porch of our Georgia home many months ago. I made the pic my desktop screensaver many MONTHS AGO. It wasn’t until last week that I noticed I was being felt-up by the bear. Or the Coach. Or both.

Excuse me, but I had my mammogram in August thank.you.very.much.

I hope everyone is healthy and moderately happy today.

XOXO

The Masks Are Messing With My Eyesight and It’s Probably Time To Talk About Teeth Again, Right?

I was in the grocery store recently when it dawned on me: I do not see well while wearing a mask.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t wearing this type of mask although, I remember that feeling clearly.

I was wearing This type of mask. Just like the rest of you.

{Don’t even act surprised by the butterflies}

Something about it messes with my peripheral vision and I always think someone is coming up behind or next to me. I feel completely paranoid and partially blind. And if I’m wearing a ball cap? Forgettaboutit. I’m running into things. If I had to wear glasses as well, I might as well get a Guide Dog to assist me.


GIVE ME ALL THE GUM

I’m finally done with my Invisalign treatment. I started this teeth straightening journey last January. I pick up my retainer next week and I pray that I don’t leave it wrapped up in a napkin at TGI Fridays and then have to beg the staff to let me dig through the garbage for it. If that hasn’t happened to you or your kids, you’re missing out on a nice bonding experience.

I believe I shared with you the reason for my Invisalign; not so much for the straightening/vanity part, but for the gap that was growing between my back molars and food being stuck in there constantly. Did you know your teeth keep moving as you age? Add that to growing ears and noses: JOY! So, no more gappage to attract chicken or lettuce and also, straight teeth. But, my dentist did the old bait and switch thing…he didn’t tell me until I was DONE that I will have to wear a retainer for the REST OF MY LIFE (at night) or my teeth will move again. He’s so sneaky and now wealthier thanks to me.

What am I most excited about other than not getting stuff stuck between my teeth?

CHEWING GUM, she screams!

I’m a gum chewing addict and I’ve not been able to chew gum for an entire year. There must be some sort of reward for curbing my addiction for so long. Where is my hand engraved plaque?

Valentines Day Idea; you’re welcome.

Do you remember when I posted about finding a box of baby teeth? It was in July and you’ve not had anything else exciting happen, so you must remember.

I saw this craft project recently and I thought DAMN, why didn’t I think of this?

Did I just hear someone throw up in their mouth? Wait, that was me.

Anyhoo, who the hell are we sharing the planet with? Freaking weirdos, that’s who. I’m not even kidding when I tell you that there are tons of Etsy stores wanting to make pretty weird things out of your teeth. Those crafters are probably hanging out behind Dentist offices like junkies asking, “hey, you got any incisors today? how about a canine? C’mon man, I jussstttt need one!”

Can you even imagine? Earrings? Pinkie Rings? How about a belly button ring with your Dad’s molar? A statement necklace? oh, yeah, THAT IS A STATEMENT and the statement is you’re a loon, stay away.

*Phew* *Deep breaths Suzanne, deep breaths* Goodness. I’m all riled up like I downed a Mountain Dew.

Happy Friday. We made it another week and the planet has not imploded upon itself which I thought for sure might happen.

Anyone else feel blinded by their mask? Any plans this weekend? And might those plans include flossing and brushing your pearly whites?

Bee well my friends.

XOXO

Shanking the USPS, Scarring Children & Giggles

I thought I didn’t have anything to blog about after all my Christmas from the past posts. Can you imagine? Me, running out of things to say? Well, I will say that I’m annoyed that my Cards from Shutterfly were supposed to be here last Friday, then Saturday, then Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday….wait, you see where this is going. I’ve never sent my cards out so late.

Is there going to be a penalty? Will my name be on a naughty list? Will Christmas be cancelled?


My friend Ernie turned me onto this silly little video clip and I watched it no less than 5 times and laughed hysterically each time before sending it on to my girls.

What is wrong with me for laughing? Don’t answer because you have a glimmer after reading the last few Suz’s childhood posts.

Way back in the day when both of the girls were still living at home, I had to constantly remind them to do.the.things.I.wanted.them.to.do. Of course, those things were not important to them, but in this house, I like things to be tidy. put away. out of sight. I stopped doing their laundry when they started high school because I know for a fact that there were times someone would try on an outfit, a minute later decide to NOT wear said outfit and toss it into the hamper. This is why some Mothers empty the bank account, flee to Vegas and live a solitary life. I know you’ve thought about it too.

So, laundry. There was a day (probably more like 400 days) that someone left their clothes in either the washer or dryer and I was needing to do laundry because I essentially do laundry every.single.day or the world might go up in flames. I was getting annoyed because I reminded the offender at least once, but it felt more like 20 times on this particular occasion to move.their.freaking.laundry to the next step. I walked into the family room and said offender(s) were on the Coach watching tv; I’d hit my limit. I said shouted sternly with bugged eyes staring at them “L A U N–D R Y!” Boy, oh boy, feet were moving and the faces were a bit frightened by my tone and scary expression.

To this day, when we’re together one of us will just chime in with LAUNDRY! if things are not going how I want them to go.

We have a few videos that we love to quote/mimic. Have you seen Ava? I’m 16, I’m a Grandmotha!

One of our favorite lines too is How About Cupcakes? I recall showing this one to my Mom and it was one of her favorite lines when I was taking care of her while she was sick.

I quote her at least once a week with How ’bout Cupcakes? But, I rarely eat cupcakes, so I should come up with something else. “How ’bout Wine?”

You know when you’re having a conversation with someone and they just stare at you blankly and say nothing? That’s what it feels like when you visit, but don’t comment. It makes you look silly, not that I can see you.

My dear fellow weirdlings, please leave me a comment with a link or a description of your favorite video clip or line that you use around your people. Think of it as a Christmas gift to Suz.

XOXO