The one where I earn my Ph.D. in all things Pelican.

The Coach and I went out on the boat this past weekend; the upside is it was a gorgeous day, the downside was it was as hot as hell and the water was a bit rough; it was a wear ‘two sports bras’ kind of boating trip but I was unprepared and was wearing a standard bathing suit. Am I complaining about being on the boat on a beautiful day? It certainly sounds like it.

I’m not always the most observant person, but I noticed a ton of pelicans on Saturday. I mean, we always have pelicans, but it seemed like a seriously LARGE amount everywhere we went. Is there a pelican season? Are they Gremlins?

They were all over the docks, waterways, signs, sea walls, and even IN the water. Did you know they can float? Professional floaters is what they are.

Max, who thinks he’s a badass, usually bows up and starts barking at random dogs, garbage trucks, bicycles, and recently a guy in a wheelchair who wanted to say hi to him. He started to act like he had a pair when he saw a pelican at the dock but then hid behind us when it moved. Little shit.

Seeing all of these large pelicans, spurred my intrigue: Why don’t you ever see baby pelicans? I pondered this thought with the Coach and he thought that possibly, they aren’t much smaller than adults when born and maybe we just don’t see the difference. Goodness, that was a terrible answer; clearly, he is NOT a pelican specialist.

I checked with ye ole’ google machine:

Something unusual about our populations of coastal pelicans is that baby pelicans are never seen. This is because pelicans nest far away in inland or remote locations in large breeding colonies

And then I found some pictures of baby pelicans, who are obviously much smaller when born since they come out of an egg. I’m directing this at you Coach…

Found this pic on Reddit, can not locate who the pic belongs to. Sorry if I stole your pic.

Have you ever seen anything as cute as that?

*gag, winch, twitch, winch, gag*

Good lord, I can’t even write a lie without winching; that image will haunt my dreams forever.

That might possibly be the most unattractive creature that God put on the earth. What was he thinking?

Do you know that the species name is Pelecanus? Yes, there is an anus at the end of pelican, now I’m starting to get the whole picture.

A group of pelicans is called a pod. Actually, there are many other names for pelican groupings — a pouch, a scoop, a squadron or if they are fishing as a group, a fleet.

Then in my research, (which by the way I am NOT getting paid for, so if you learn anything from my blog, please thank me in the comments. It’s the least you can do) I found this meme that someone made. I laughed SO hard.

I shared it with my family and my typically very intelligent husband looked at me seriously and asked what IS a testicle swan and is that a real thing?

Good lawd, I just LOL’ed while writing this with tears streaming down my face.

Testicle swan; that should bring some interesting search inquiries my way.

I generally post on Monday mornings, but I’m gonna send this out into the world on Sunday because as things go around here, ya’ll won’t see it until Tuesday. Damn internet, what’s it good for? Scary pictures of baby pelicans, that’s what.

XO

Can we all take a moment and appreciate my healthy hips?

That might sound odd to some people, but most of you not.so.much because weirdlings attract weirdlings.

At my last Lady Dr. appointment, while poking my parts, my Dr. ordered a bone density test and I fulfilled my obligation to my bones last week. Have you had this done? It’s the easiest test I’ve ever taken; had they offered me this instead of algebra in HS, I would have been the freakin’ Valedictorian.

It literally takes less than five minutes, I can lay down for the entire process, I don’t have to un-clothe myself and I can talk while it’s being done. That’s what I call a trifecta. I know, that’s not what trifecta means at all, but this is my blog and I have my own language, so get on board.

I had one five years ago, but I don’t remember the results or if my Dr. even gave me my results, you see, I’ve slept a lot of hours since then so things tend to get fuzzy. But this time I was a willing and woke participant at our appointment.

Y’all: I got an A+.

I have great bones; like an old house that just needs some spackle paint.

Like a workhorse with many years left in her; saddle me up!

I’m cleared for falling down and probably not breaking a hip.

Have you seen hips like those? Take that SHAKIRA, SHAKIRA.

Am I being too humerus with you?

In all honesty, I was kind of worried going in because my Mom, God bless her, she was the incredible shrinking lady as she aged. I think she started at 5’4 or 5’5, but by the time she was 70 she was about 4″11. I figured that was going to be my fate, and honestly, it ain’t over yet, the fat lady has NOT sung, so I still might shrink.

My Dr. said that most women start to lose bone mass at this age, so mine were looking HAWWWTTT as HELL.

Ok, she didn’t say that, but I’m sure she was thinking it; I could just tell she was admiring my amazing bone structure.

She credited me with getting enough calcium in my diet (I do not take a calcium supplement) and of course consistent strength training, which I started about 6 years ago. You can’t really tell by looking at me because ‘menopause waistline’, but I pick up heavy things three days a week at the gym and that is good for my bones. Your bones. Everybody’s bones.

Now, when I see someone looking in my direction at Costco or Publix, I know what they are thinking: DAMNNN, look at the cartilage on that chick.

So, now I’m just bragging about everydamnthing. Next week we’ll cover my overly organized Tupperware Snapware drawer.

Kidding. Unless that’s the kind of thing that does it for you.

It certainly does it for me; that and good bones. Goodness, I can’t stop touching them! MY BONES, NOT MY Snapware.

Damn it, you caught me, I was lying, I like touching both.

Happy Friday my friends! Whatcha doing this weekend? Tell me about your bones. Or just about anything good that you found out this week.

XOXO