The time I wanted to take down a nurse.

Well, I’d put off my colonoscopy as long as I possibly could. My Dr. was not having any more of my shenanigans, so I finally went to see a suggested gastrologist. I chose a female Dr; I always choose a woman if the circumstances are involving any (or near) my lady parts. Call me crazy, but I’m more comfortable with someone who has similar parts as I do

The pre-op exam was good, the Dr. was pleasant. I was able to schedule my appointment within a week and there was no turning back now. I was given a RX for the prep part. This is a newer one that is being used and I was kind of the guinea pig for my Dr.
Clenpiq
It was all straight forward. I was scheduled for Tuesday morning, so I began my fasting on Monday morning and had the clenpiq at 2pm and 8pm along with tons of water, juice, tea, flavored water, ginger ale, jello and ice pops. The jello and Ice pops were lifesavers and I almost felt like I was having food. Almost.

I stayed home all day. (you’ll be very friendly with your commode!) I did a lot of busy stuff to keep my mind off food for most of the day and then I watched some TV later on. At one point I saw a dog food commercial and I thought: “wow, I bet that tastes good”

I did survive. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I’m the type of person whose personality changes (and not for the better) when I’m hungry. I become cranky and lash out at anyone and everyone.
I’d never make it as a homeless person.

The morning of Coach drove me to the appointment. I’d already placed my order with him for an egg sandwich and coffee from Einsteins when he picked me up.

While in the reception area, I used the ladies room one more time to empty my bladder,  even though I’d not had any liquids since 11 the night before.

Then, the nurse/assistant calls me into the pre-op area. Carlos looks over my chart and asks if I’m still having my menstrual cycle or if I’m in menopause. Sadly, I’m still dealing with it. He then said, “Oh, you’ll have to give me some urine for a pregnancy test.” 
I kind of made a face and said, I might NOT be able to since I just emptied my bladder.
He said he needed only a few drops and for me to just try.
As I’m shutting the door to the restroom I hear another nurse say to him: “Well if someone is having anesthesia, they should ALWAYS know to have a pregnancy test, it goes without saying!” 

I was PISSED!!
HOW DARE SHE? Doesn’t she know I’m hangry! 
I’m tired and I’m not thinking about possibly being pregnant at 51!

I was able to produce a small amount, I walked out and handed it to my nurse Carlos and was ready to let the other lady have it, but she was with a patient and I held it in.

As Carlos is taking my blood pressure and my pulse, he asks if I’m nervous because the darn machine was losing it’s mind. I told him, I wasn’t nervous, but I was PISSED at the other nurse because I heard what she said while I was in the bathroom.
He assured me that she wasn’t complaining about me, but she was angry with the receptionist who checked me in, it was her responsibility to let me know I’d need to have a pregnancy test.

Oh.
Gotcha.

Within a minute my heart rate and blood pressure went down and the machine didn’t sound like a carnival on Saturday night.

Carlos finished all his questions and next was the Nurse anesthetist; he had a hundred questions for me as well, then he told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.
Me: “This is my first time but I don’t think this is how you do it”
I thought he was going to wet his pants.
He then proceeded to tell me I have the biggest set of tonsils he’s seen in a long time. He said I had a really nice pair.

Me: “Well, thank you.”

You gotta take compliments wherever you can get them. 

I felt fine the rest of the day and everything I ate tasted just a little bit better after not eating for 36 hours. That was a record for me.

Quite possibly the best-tasting Sammy ever. 

I don’t have to do this again until I’m 60, but you know I’ll try to put it off as long as possible.

Suz at 13

A few days ago my Aunt Trisha stumbled upon these never before seen (by me) photos. She took them when I was around 13 and on a camping weekend with my Aunt and Uncle in Cherry Log, GA.

A few things struck me: 
I was smiling. 
I was cuter than I thought I was; I just thought my Mom HAD to say I was cute. 
My hair wasn’t as hideous as I thought it was. (although soon after my Grandma took me to her ‘beautician’ and gave me an ‘easy to take care of look’—Yes, a boys’ haircut!) I wanted so badly to have hair like Blair on The Facts Of Life, but instead, I looked more like Tootie. 
The braces. I was SO thankful that I was finally able to get braces; I was a mouthful of crooked, but getting those was a cluster between my Mom, Dad and me living in a different state than my Dad and his insurance. 
That outfit. I had very few clothes; I recall wearing this particular outfit many times during the school week. 
I wish I knew at 13 that it would all work out for me. I’d get the life that I dreamt of having, but didn’t think it could be a reality; you know, a functional family life.  
A girl scout leader in the making

I wish I could go back and tell my 13-year-old self to NOT be so hard on myself, I will grow taller than 4’9 and weigh more than a toddler at some point., it’s ok to not be a cool kid or even friends with the cool kids.
And that I’ll have a slew of quality people in my life who will get me.
It was gonna be more than all right.

Gin in the morning

Sometimes I open my mouth and my Mother pops out.

I noticed about a year ago a dull ache in my right index finger…..within a few months the dull ache was also felt in my right birdie finger. Not that I’d ever shoot a bird…..

It hit me.
This is what arthritis feels like.
*Oh SNAP*

A vision hit me from the past. Actually, the past day was in November of 2009.
The day my Aunt, Uncle and beloved Mother came for Thanksgiving and with them they brought this strange concoction and placed it in my fridge. 
Gin soaked (golden) raisins.

They swore that eating 9 of those raisins daily helped with arthritis pain.

I gave them strange looks and laughed at their apparent senility.

*OLD PEOPLE and their silliness*

Well, lo and behold I am NOW an old silly person myself. I honestly thought that would come much later, but unlike most of my life, it showed up early.

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I believe that 9 gin soaked raisins a day actually diminishes most of my arthritis pain.

The way I know it helps is that when we’ve traveled (even for a weekend) and I didn’t have them daily, the ache was more than dull. My joints crave the gin soaked  raisins.

I’m neither a fan of gin or raisins, but I’m really NOT a fan of aching joints.

Here is the link if you’d like to try this yourself. And no, I’m not intoxicated now or when I ingest them…..the alcohol content is very low. The magic has something to do with the juniper berries used to make gin mixed with the golden raisins. You can do your own research on the web. For me, I know it works.

Thank you Beverly!!

XO