Learning New Words And Trying To Survive Normal Human Functions

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz

I want to give a big hug, fist pump and possibly do the Carlton with each of you that wished our Lolo well in her next endeavor. People who encourage others are the bomb. I appreciate your kindness and I’m sure she read each comment.

SAY WHAT?

I really wanted to blog about something important or interesting today, but I didn’t have time to get my act together. And also, I don’t usually do important.

But I did remember that I wanted to let you know I learned a new (to me) word this past week and I almost died on Wednesday AND since that wasn’t exiting enough, I tried to do it again on Thursday. The dying part, not the new word.

See. I’ve been busy.

Last week while in GA I went to look at a potential home for my Aunt and Uncle; they’ve been on the hunt since AUGUST. I’m not kidding when I say a house can be listed and three to four offers come in the same damn day. They’re having a tough time; they’re not the only ones trying to flee the insanity of our world to a safer haven.

The house was newly listed (nine minutes from us!) and they appreciate my input. If you’ve ever been in a room with me while HGTV is on, you’d know that I have a lot to say. If criticizing peoples homes on TV was a sport, I’d have a Gold Medal and lots of endorsement deals.

It was a nice home. Not perfect, but it had potential. It was clean and you can tell it was well taken care of which is not always the case.

Things that AT and I could not get over were the amount of LARGE pieces of furniture, LARGE gilded gold framed artwork and Dead Animals.

I mean, you often see lots of art work. And occasionally dead animals; these homeowners liked both.

Any spot that could fit a piece of art, had a piece of art. Over the pantry door, IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM, over the closet doors. I’m not exaggerating; very ornate shit.

AT and I were looking around, she was standing behind me, both of us trying to digest the decor. I said something along the lines of it’s A LOT, isn’t it?

AT: yes, very Incongruent.

My head spun around like Linda Blair, Exorcist style. WHAT!?

She repeated herself and I let her know that I have never.heard.that.word.

Was I living under a dictionary rock?

I was thinking it was a contradictory decor style; turns out we meant the same thing.

I learned a new word and the whiplash has mostly subsided.

Finally we both decided to give them a pass; maybe they were going for that European Hunting Mansion look. Not sure why, but they were committed to it.

Indeed the homeowners wouldn’t find it to be incongruent at all.

I used IT IN A SENTENCE! Where the hell is my gold ribbon?

BTW: Lolo knew the word; probably learned it when she was seven reading encyclopedias in bed after I read her Winnie the Pooh.

Food Will Kill Me

Wednesday I was on the phone with my Aunt Trisha, discussing the incongruent house and other important things. I was eating a salad at the time and a murderous sliver of onion slid down my throat mid sentence; my throat WANTED to choke, but I held back because it’s rude to do that while on the phone.

I was trying hard to ignore the fact that my throat was struggling to take in air by continuing on with the conversation, but after half a minute I couldn’t fake the fact that I was dying.

I gave up and proceeded to cough for a moment or seventeen.

AT asked if I was ok.

Yes. Choke. Cough. Choke. Ye…Choke…Cough…Yesss.

I just hate the fact that I’ll probably die from eating a salad at my countertop and not something exciting like enjoying puffer fish sushi off the coast of Belize in a 590ft fully staffed yacht.

Kidding. I don’t like sushi.

THE NEXT DAY I was snacking on some grapes. As usual I was multitasking; cleaning and snacking. I bit into a grape, the juice went DOWN my life-breath-throat hole and I started to choke.

For a good minute or so, I choked, coughed and cussed. The dogs were looking at me like I might die BEFORE they got their dinner and that could pose a problem.

WTH

This furthered the argument that I should only consume grapes that have been fermented; I have NEVER choked on wine.

Should I stop eating while alone? Is it time for a life alert?

If I never post again, you can assume I’ve died from a slice of apple and know full well the ‘Old Apple A Day’ adage was a bunch of BS.

I know I have some super smart blogging friends, but if ONE of you can say you didn’t know what congruent or incongruent were, I’ll share my endorsement money with you and we’ll have wine sans grapes!

Also, choking is only funny if you survive. It’s pretty damn scary. Have you choked this week?

XOXO

36 thoughts on “Learning New Words And Trying To Survive Normal Human Functions”

  1. While the decor of that home is definitely not me, I have to admire their commitment to it. They really went for it. All over the place.

    Talk to me when you choke FOR NO REASON, merely drowning in your own fluids while speaking or breathing, which has happened to me more than once. Like I forget to swallow my spit or something. Honestly, it’s like my brain just quits for fun to embarrass me.

    Wish I could help you on Incongruent, but I’m a retired English teacher and a freelance writer/editor. Words like that are my biz.

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    1. I knew I could bet my life on the fact that YOU would know this word. For someone who didn’t excel in school, I’m fairly proud of my vast vocabulary, but I was alluded to by this one.

      Is the choking/swallowing issue an age-related thing? No one warned me.

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  2. I choked on a grape a few weeks ago while I was alone and I thought, “this is it. This is how I die.”
    I also choked on a boba once. Boba tea? Not sure if you’ve had it once. I need to tell that story in a blog post. Anyhoo, I am so glad you’re still alive! FOOD IS DANGEROUS. I’ve decided I am at an age where I need to eat with others around. 😉

    That house is very peach. And I feel sad for all those dead animals. Incongruent sounds like a geometry word and you know how I feel about geometry.

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  3. As a fellow choker (embarrassingly so), one thing I have learned and that has stood me well is this: When you are eating, just eat. Don’t try to multi-task! This is when the food goes down the air hole and other calamities have ensued for me, always! Chewing and swallowing food demands my full attention these days or I suffer the consequences!

    Deb

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  5. Bijoux

    Lol, did you never take geometry? Incongruent was all over the place in math! Don’t feel bad, my husband uses millennial phrases that are apparently common in the workplace that I’ve never heard of! Onboarding? A fancy way to say Orientation, I guess!

    I choke when eating pickled veggies or anything vinegar-based. It’s damn scary, esp. in a restaurant when everyone is looking at you.

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    1. I’m sure it took geometry, but like all the other math classes, the information went IN and OUT of my brain in a hot minute.
      Onboarding? This is new for me too.
      I can see how the pickled stuff could choke you up, but it’s so good. Not sure if it’s worth dying for good, but you know…

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  6. Wait til you get my age and everything goes down the wrong way when swallowing! I can just see your dogs thinking, uh oh, she has not fed us yet!!!
    Having just moved for the ninth time, when I look at this house, I think how impossible it will be to move and I also think about the poor soul who has to paint and patch all those holes in the wall.
    Love to you and the family.

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    1. I think I’m there now Mildred. I’m sure the dogs were much more concerned with WHO WILL FEED me than my dying.
      AT and I said over and over, how the hell will you ever patch and touch up the paint with all those things hanging on the wall. Get this: They painted the entire interior of the house in March…then proceeded to REHANG all that stuff up knowing they were selling. *people, sigh*

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  7. Sorry, I knew the word too although I don’t think I’ve ever personally used it. Choking is one of my specialties, and usually on nothing but air and then while I’m choking and gasping for breath it makes me start having sneeziures on top of it all. Weirdest damn thing I’ve ever seen lol!

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    1. Sneeziures. That’s a new word for me too! Our dog Callie has those in the mornings and now I have a name for them.
      Apparently, I was absent the day this word was discussed.

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  8. I’m a cougher / choker, so I can relate. For what it’s worth, in math, if something is congruent, it means it’s the same size and same shape as something else, i.e. you could cut one out and place it one top of the other and they would match perfectly. Therefore, incongruent in the decorating sense, I guess, means nothing matches. (Or in my terms, not matchy-poo). -Jenn

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  9. Not to make you feel bad but I know that word. But if it makes you feel any better, my husband and I randomly choke on our own spit all the time. I think this comes with age. Back in the 90s when we were in our late (very late) 20s, we worked with a man named Bob Hunt. Bob was a very nice mid-50s aged man who would frequently,while just sitting in his office chair, start coughing and getting choked up on his own spit. So any time after that when anyone choked on their own spit (because it happens more than you would think) we call it “Bob Hunting”. For example, Dan will get choked up and exclaim, “Oh! I just Bob Hunted!” 🙂

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  10. Sorry I know the meaning of those words. But now that you’ve learned something new you can use them in all the sentences. As for the house… it’s dramatic and seems larger than life. Not my cuppa but it could turn out to be a great home, once redecorated.

    I choke every so often and immediately think Mama Cass Elliot of the Mamas and the Papas who died after she choked on a ham sandwich. I was young enough when it happened that it made a big impression. Still kind of worries me.

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    1. I knew you’d know this word. Words are your jam.
      *sigh* Mama Cass. Did she really die that way? I thought it was just a story. Dang. That’s terrible. Also, I’m not a fan of ham.

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  13. Took tots to the zoo this morning and I feel so late to the party.

    You probably wouldn’t like my decor either: dirty socks, discarded empty juice boxes, and dinged up walls.

    I, too, remember the word incongruent – mostly from geometry. I talk to 2 yr olds all day, so bigger words sometimes throw me. Remember I was recently confused by ‘butthurt’ and that SOUNDS like a 2 yr old word. How’s that for incongruent?

    So many choking stories. I choked while eating a particularly juicy apple when a contractor was in my kitchen giving me a quote on doing the kitchen. I. Could. Not. Recover. Maybe my embarrassment is what caused me not to choose him. Guess what? He is now the guy who has agreed to help fix the crap contractor’s mess. He did my hood in the fall.

    FYI I had a zoom at 4:00 today and Coach was getting annoyed that I was going to be late but I was giggling my way through this post and I wanted to finish it. ‘Life-breath-throat hole’ . . . so funny.

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    1. Dirty socks and dinged-up walls show that your family lives there. But if you were selling, you’d have it cleaned up.
      Well, I knew butthurt, but not congruent. 🙂 I hated math. Still do.
      Hopefully, if you were going to die, the contractor would have helped you with the apple situation….then you would certainly have had to hire him.

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  15. Melanie Galliano

    Incongruent brings back Geometry nightmares for me too. It looks like their decorating style was a little bit of everything, everywhere! I’m pretty sure I’ve choked on a grape or two. For some reason they give me wicked heartburn – but not the hiccups!

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  16. I have never heard of that word before either or if I did it completely went over my head! I don’t understand how people can leave dead animals on the wall when showing a house! The housing marked it super crazy right now! I’m glad were not looking for the moment! And just for the record, I don’t have to be eating anything to choke! I do a good job of choking on my own spit!

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  18. bibliomama2

    Yes, I knew the word congruent, but words are kind of my thing – I can make you feel better with my ability to make literally any interaction awkward, though.
    I’ve had a few endoscopies lately, and apparently I have spasms which make it hard to swallow sometimes, and grape skins tend to get caught. So I’m with you on the grapes in wine form.
    And Jesus, those homeowners really needed a course in ‘less is more’, huh? Did they like to lounge around in royal robes eating giant turkey legs? Because just walking around being normal in that house would look weird.

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  19. I grew up near Oxford in England. It’s like this invisible shame that I don’t write in prose, or fill my sentences with thesuarus laden twenty letter words. I couldn’t tell you how many words I know, but have no idea what they mean.

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    2. Funny about all the words you know, but don’t know the actual meaning.
      I will say something (at least once a week or more) using a word that is familiar and then I’ll ask whoever is near me: Did I use that word correctly?
      At 53, I’m still trying to master the English language.

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  20. Pingback: The Great Grape Debate – Busy Bee Suz

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