The Final Countdown: Let Us Know, Let Them Eat Cake And Let’s Not Do That.

This week marks three weeks until Lolo and Nathan’s big day. DID tell you there was going to be a wedding? Did you just roll your eyes?

I forgot to share these photos that I shared at their shower; Lolo (left) Halloween 2005 and I’m guessing this was halloween for Nathan also, or maybe he was preparing for his Marine journey early.

Enough of the pleasantries, I have some bones to pick.

People who can’t RSVP

Lolo sent Save The Date notices 6 months ago, then she sent the invites in plenty of time. Some people still can’t get their shit together enough to go to her website and say NO or YES and choose a meal. I even sent text reminders stating that you still might be able to show up for the wedding, but pack a sammich because I’m not sharing my dinner.

While I’m on the subject of not responding to invitations. The co-ed shower we hosted, it was quite small by my party standards. COVID. Tell me. If someone sends you an invitation do you respond even if you are not able to attend?

Me? I’m SO thrilled that someone thought of me that I always respond whether I can attend or not.

Fun What?

The future bride and groom finally chose their cake and if you thought that they were serious grown ups Police officers you’ll be surprised that their favorite cake flavor is FunFetti

Pic borrowed from Here

Of course, the outside of the cake will be classy, serious and grown-up, but the inside? It’s 13 years old and I adore that.

Remove Your Pants

A few weeks ago the Coach and I went to Dillards to pick out a suit for him. If he had his druthers he would wear jeans, a dress shirt & sport coat and a pair of his favorite boots. If this was a barn wedding, I would have allowed this. THIS is a bonafide upscale wedding with assigned seating, plated dinners, gowns, funfetti cake and shit, so no jeans.

I didn’t realize when you purchase a suit that the pieces ARE already married. The pants & the jacket are a couple who stay together, at least at this establishment. We started with the jacket; found a great color and style, he tried it on right there in the men’s department and we were pleased. Next he took the pants into the fitting room to see if they worked or what needed to be altered.

He casually walked out of the fitting room and MY JAW DROPPED.

PLEATED PANTS?!

I couldn’t say a word as my brain was trying to compute: WHAT YEAR IS THIS?

It didn’t take as long as expected for me to realize it’s currently 2021 and my husband who I adore more than anyone isn’t built for pleated pants. Sadly, he didn’t realize this until he read my facial expression.

He said: You don’t like them?

Me: NO! They’re horrible. Please take them off before I can’t unsee them.

It appeared that he was trying to smuggle a five pound bag of potatoes and I was worried this might be the end of our love life.

So, we had to start over with the suit and we went through making sure anything we might like had FLAT front pants. It didn’t take long until we were successful, but I thought I should warn all of you that out there, in the wild, people are still able to purchase pleated pants.

That’s all I have to say about that.

RSVP’s? Do you only respond if you can attend? Please dish.

XO

Being Clever And Not Wasteful While Possibly Starting A New Trend

The theme for Lolo and Nathan’s co-ed shower was Bubbles and Brews. I purchased a variety of sparkling wine/champagne and of course brewski’s. I went the easy route and made a huge salad and ordered some sliders/wraps from Publix. Linds made a charcuterie board, (a Coochie board) Kelly brought a lovely cold quinoa salad and my friend Dawn made amazing cupcakes for dessert.

I remembered I only had about 6 champagne glasses because I’m a wino and not a bubbles girl. I didn’t want to purchase champagne glasses just for ONE party and using plastic for wine or champagne is against my religion.

I had this brilliant idea to go to Goodwill and purchase a plethora of champagne glasses to use for the party.

Goodwill DID NOT DISAPPOINT.

*side note* I almost got into a fight with an obnoxious woman in line behind me as she was the most impatient and rude person I’ve encountered in a long time. She reminded me of the Crack Whore I had a verbal fight with in the bank parking lot. GOOD TIMES! Why must some people act like asses?

Anyhoo, I purchased 12 mismatched champagne (99 cents each) glasses because why must everything match? You don’t have to use wine charms or markers to remember who’s glass is who’s if they are unique. Well, unless your friends get all bubble-wasted and forget, which didn’t happen this time.

One of the glasses pictured belonged to my Mom and one of them was gifted to us at our wedding over 30 years ago from Kelly.

And the best part? After the party I washed them, wrapped them up in the paper they came in and returned them to Goodwill.

Rental Genius Who?

Rental Genius Suz.

Maybe I didn’t invent or discover something new-to-you, but it was new and fun for me!

Xoxo

Surprise! No Tea For You Because Your Mom Is A Professional Liar.

In April Linds and I started discussing/planning a bridal shower for Lolo. Our plan was to have a “Tea party” luncheon. And unlike most of the time, I desired to host it anywhere other than our house. We searched high and low for a place, striking out left and right, but we finally found the PERFECT place. Linds checked it out in person while I was away, the price was right, the venue was cute and it would be perfect little tea party for about 12 ladies. They only had a few dates open in September and ONE of those dates lined up with Lolo’s crazy ass work schedule.

I was **THIS** close to signing the contract and Nathan’s mom had her **finger** on the PURCHASE button for an airline flight when LOLO’S DAMN WORK SCHEDULE FLIP FLOPPED.

ME: This wouldn’t happen if she were a dental hygienist!

We were back to the drawing board and I was frustrated; getting this far took a few months.

NO TEA PARTY FOR YOU.

I decided, along with Nathans Mom that we would do a CO-ED shower since no one had been able to visit with Nathan while he was away over 8 months. Of course, I would be hosting it at our home because we have the space.

NO REST FOR YOU.

Do you know what I thought the hardest part about a surprise party would be? All the damn lying.

It’s not polite to brag, but it turns out, I’m a proficient liar. I mean, the lies were flowing out of my mouth just.so.easily. to get the two of them at our house at a specific time.

Lolo thought I was taking her and Linds to an Afternoon Tea. (and after Wednesday’s post, so did all of you) Nathan thought he was going to the shooting range with Coach. They are terrible detectives because it was lies. ALL LIES.

“You can’t come earlier because our friend is here from out of town to assist us with our Life Insurance”- “The tea will be later than normal, but it will still be fun”-“Have the Andrew come too so we can meet him and he can go to the range with the guys”-“We will go to dinner after the tea”

Every time I opened up my mouth, a lie popped out.

Even when they pulled up to the house for our fake Tea Party and there were cars in the driveway, Lolo thought this might be a surprise “welcome home” party for Nathan.

They entered the house astonished. Then they both cried a bit at seeing Nathan’s Mom as they’ve not been together in over a year.

I told Lolo: This is a shower for you both.

WHAT? She was so damn surprised.

Later after visiting with some family I said you need to sit down and open gifts. WHAT? We get gifts NOW and at the wedding? Her mind was blown.

Nathan finally got to meet the infamous Lillie.

One other reason we decided to do a Co-Ed party was that Nathan’s brother Andrew who is a Captain in the Army was able to pop into town for the weekend. They’ve not seen each other in years. Andrew was to be Nathan’s Best Man, but he will be deployed for a year a few weeks before the actual wedding, which is such a bummer.

Again, if HE were a Dental Hygienist, this wouldn’t be an issue.

It was so lovely having some friends and family together celebrating these two!

It was months of planning, lying and stressing over making it all happen. I was so relieved when it was over. *sigh*

Sadly, the Coach eyeballs me suspiciously every time I open my mouth because I was SO darn good at lying. I swear, I was just playing a part.

*pats myself on the back and takes a bow*

Has anyone else been able to pull the wool over some unsuspecting souls lately?

Signed, Suz. A really good liar when it is necessary for the Surprise and Fun element.

XOXO