Surprise! No Tea For You Because Your Mom Is A Professional Liar.

In April Linds and I started discussing/planning a bridal shower for Lolo. Our plan was to have a “Tea party” luncheon. And unlike most of the time, I desired to host it anywhere other than our house. We searched high and low for a place, striking out left and right, but we finally found the PERFECT place. Linds checked it out in person while I was away, the price was right, the venue was cute and it would be perfect little tea party for about 12 ladies. They only had a few dates open in September and ONE of those dates lined up with Lolo’s crazy ass work schedule.

I was **THIS** close to signing the contract and Nathan’s mom had her **finger** on the PURCHASE button for an airline flight when LOLO’S DAMN WORK SCHEDULE FLIP FLOPPED.

ME: This wouldn’t happen if she were a dental hygienist!

We were back to the drawing board and I was frustrated; getting this far took a few months.


I decided, along with Nathans Mom that we would do a CO-ED shower since no one had been able to visit with Nathan while he was away over 8 months. Of course, I would be hosting it at our home because we have the space.


Do you know what I thought the hardest part about a surprise party would be? All the damn lying.

It’s not polite to brag, but it turns out, I’m a proficient liar. I mean, the lies were flowing out of my mouth to get the two of them at our house at a specific time.

Lolo thought I was taking her and Linds to an Afternoon Tea. (and after Wednesday’s post, so did all of you) Nathan thought he was going to the shooting range with Coach. They are terrible detectives because it was lies. ALL LIES.

“You can’t come earlier because our friend is here from out of town to assist us with our Life Insurance”- “The tea will be later than normal, but it will still be fun”-“Have the Andrew come too so we can meet him and he can go to the range with the guys”-“We will go to dinner after the tea”

Every time I opened up my mouth, a lie popped out.

Even when they pulled up to the house for our fake Tea Party and there were cars in the driveway, Lolo thought this might be a surprise “welcome home” party for Nathan.

They entered the house astonished. Then they both cried a bit at seeing Nathan’s Mom as they’ve not been together in over a year.

I told Lolo: This is a shower for you both.

WHAT? She was so damn surprised.

Later after visiting with some family I said you need to sit down and open gifts. WHAT? We get gifts NOW and at the wedding? Her mind was blown.

Nathan finally got to meet the infamous Lillie.

One other reason we decided to do a Co-Ed party was that Nathan’s brother Andrew who is a Captain in the Army was able to pop into town for the weekend. They’ve not seen each other in years. Andrew was to be Nathan’s Best Man, but he will be deployed for a year a few weeks before the actual wedding, which is such a bummer.

Again, if HE were a Dental Hygienist, this wouldn’t be an issue.

It was so lovely having some friends and family together celebrating these two!

It was months of planning, lying and stressing over making it all happen. I was so relieved when it was over. *sigh*

Sadly, the Coach eyeballs me suspiciously every time I open my mouth because I was SO darn good at lying. I swear, I was just playing a part.

*pats myself on the back and takes a bow*

Has anyone else been able to pull the wool over some unsuspecting souls lately?

Signed, Suz. A really good liar when it is necessary for the Surprise and Fun element.


Here Comes The {Always Wants To Be A} Bride

The reason for THIS post is because I was working on a more timely post about a surprise we pulled off recently and I thought sharing this older story would add a little insight to the current story.

When my girls were little, I met a lady named Jeannie through my dear friend Stacy. Jeannie and her Mom created a Tea Party business. Basically they showed up to your home with a trunk full of dress-up clothes, shoes and accessories. They brought a few folding tables & chairs, some finger sandwiches, a pot of tea (lemonade) & tea cups.

The kids were able to choose an outfit, have a little ‘runway’ show and then we sat down for Tea and maybe a story or two followed with a game of “Telephone”. Jeannie took the kids pics with a polaroid and they decorated a frame. Then cake and candles. Easy Peasy.

This was the perfect setup for a little girls’ birthday party. We did this three times between my two girls. Each time we had the Tea Party, Lolo grabbed the big over-the-top puffy-shouldered-white dress that resembled a wedding gown. It didn’t matter if it was Lindsay’s birthday or not. Lolo wanted that damn wedding dress and somehow, she got it even if someone else coveted the dress.

I think at that point in their childhood Linds was more passive and Lolo a bit more aggressive. Or It wasn’t really that important to Linds at the time to have the big puffy-over-the-top-gown with the matching veil.

Cut to a few weeks ago when I invited my girls to an afternoon Tea.

Hmmmm….So apparently Lindsay was holding it in all these years. She wanted the damn white gown all along.

There will be a cute conclusion to this prelude.

Has anyone held a Tea Party lately? Did you remember to keep your pinkies UP?


The Day I Tried To Eliminate My Remaining Marbles

This is a post I wrote in 2009; I stumbled across it recently, read it and had tears streaming down my face. I’m sharing so you can get another glimpse into the Insanity That Is Suzanne.

Random family photo from 2009. I appear to be NORMAL.

It started off as a typical weekend day.
I slept in, then moseyed myself to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
I checked on the girls and they were being typical as well; one on the couch watching TV, one on the computer watching YouTube.
I made our bed; Coach left a few hours earlier for softball practice.

I went out to the backyard and fiddled with my compost.
I found several ant piles en route and went back and treated them.
I cleaned the guest bathroom.

I sent the girls to their rooms to clean. 
I took the dogs out to the driveway to run a bit and get their exercise.

I heard something down the street that sparked a memory. I stopped in my tracks, cocked my head sideways trying to determine if I heard what I thought I heard. It was a familiar sound, but I was not sure it was real. 
It was a sound that I had not heard in many years.

My heart started beating fast.

I was getting a weird feeling in my stomach. My hands and my feet started to tingle.

I didn’t feel right. I was about to lose it.
I had to get the girls’ attention. AND NOW.
I couldn’t be bothered with going back into the garage and through the mudroom door into the house to get them.

I needed them NOW.

I started calling for them from the yard. LoLo…..Linds!!!!!

I ran to Lindsay’s bedroom window and started banging, screaming her name. LINDSAY!

The dogs looked at me like I was a crazy. Little did they know, it would get worse.


Linds pulled the blinds back and looked at me like I was a crazy person. Because I was.
I screamed to her through the window:


She pursed her lips and said: You are lying.
I screamed through the window: 
No, I’m not, he’s really coming…he is coming down our street!

Get out here NOOWWW!!!

In a flash, she came running out the garage with my wallet in hand.
I suppose she believed me now.
Then I looked at her and remembered her sister had been fooling around with a flute earlier; maybe that was what I was hearing. 

Was I overreacting?
Am I really hearing the ice cream truck?

I asked Linds, and she confirmed: Yes, there is a musical vehicle heading this way.
She started jogging down the driveway and then suddenly she put on her brakes and turned back towards the house.

She realized she still had on her Hello Kitty boxer shorts and decided to change.

I almost lost it.

She ignored me and ran back into the house.

I just knew she was going to miss this golden opportunity.
It was as if I had injected with a shot of adrenaline; I was crazed.

I started yelling into the house from the garage: Run Run Hurry up Run Linds, HURRY!

By now Lauren heard all the racket, came out and looked at me like I was insane.

Me: Hurry and run down to the street and get an ice cream. 
The ice cream man is coming!!

She stared at me with a fearful expression and went back into the house.

Linds came running back out of the house and I could just now see the front of the ice cream VAN coming into view.
Me: run down there before it passes by!

You would have thought the ice cream man was giving away baby dolphins by the way I reacted to his arrival. 

Linds ran down the driveway, opened the gate and met the ice cream man in the street.

I had such a huge grin on my face by now, satisfied that we DID THIS, but my blood pressure was still very high.
I ran into the house for the camera, knowing that this may never happen again.

Lindsay came back in with her ice cream and we had a good 15 minute laugh about the whole thing. 

I came to my senses and realized what a kook I am and his made me laugh all the more.

We live in a semi-rural area, so I’ve never seen an ice cream truck in our ‘hood. It just doesn’t happen.
They just don’t come around, or if they do, we may be inside and we would never hear them coming.

Later on after the incident Lauren said she thought someone was breaking into the house and I was telling Lindsay to run for her life.

Lindsay told me that the neighbors must think that I am insane; she said I made it sound like someone was chasing her down the street with a knife as I was telling her to Run Run Run.

I explained to the kids that as a child we had the ice cream truck coming by all the time and we could hear it blocks away. We would run from wherever we were playing to our house to find some money to buy said deliciousness.  

Of course we could not hear our parents in the next room telling us to do something, but that truck…that truck was music to our ears.

Then it dawned on me. I really did want an ice cream and in all the craziness, I did not get one.
I called Coach and asked him to pick me up a push-up pop on his way home and he did; no questions asked. Geeze, that was the stressless way to get an ice cream in 2009.

When was the last time you bought ice cream from a truck? Did you have the joy of chasing them down as a kid?

Signed, your favorite lunatic.