CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Dueling Appliances; Violence Shouldn’t Be The Answer, But It Does Make Me Giggle.

Last Saturday the Coach’s scrimmage games were rained out and he volunteered to do a Costco run for us. I had been putting it off, so I was all, hell yeah.

I sent him my list which included a new Roomba. My old one had been acting up forever and after much maintenance on my part and purchasing new batteries I realized it was a goner. Costco only had two choices; a regular run-of-the-mill Roomba and the newest-deluxe-smart-empties-it’s-own-dust-pan version that costs as much as a kidney. If you know my husband, he’s never going to go for the ‘regular’ version of anything even after I fussed about the price.

I set it up that afternoon without reading any instructions, because who does?

Then I complained that it wasn’t working properly.

Later that day I realized I had to download an app. And read instructions. Suz says to no one in particular: This is a bunch of shit.


On Monday I deemed her ‘useless and a waste of money’ and I’ll be returning her to Costco because she only stayed in the little hall area for an hour. Me thinking: We could host a dinner party right here and eat OFF the floors.

Tuesday I decided to give her another shot because damn we have a lot of floors, dog hair and rug shed.

What I wasn’t expecting? An airplane taking off in the hallway between two guest rooms when she empties itself.

Can you imagine if I set this girl off while I had guests sleeping? Time To Check-Out.

I was standing in the kitchen prepping my newest Boug delviery while she was working her way around the dining area, then she would stop and head through the kitchen to her home base to purge. AIRPLANE NOISE. Then again back to the dining room.

I thought to myself: This is a weird pattern. She could only vacuum for a few minutes before she had to hurry back to her home and dump the contents of her insides. Purge Much?

I will spare you more videos of airplane engines her purging her going back to home base to empty. But it was happening a lot; I looked at the clock. 11:25. 11:29. 11:34. 11:39. Am I timing contractions?

That’s when I remembered my fairly new rugs were wool. Wool Rugs: The gift that keeps on giving. SHEDDERS FOR LIFE.

Finally, the purging started to slow down, the contractions were getting further apart or I was just getting used to it.

Hey, do you remember the vomiting situation we had earlier this week? (Callie is much better, thank you!)

Well Callie did her darnedest to ruin the new Shedders For Life Rugs, but I was able to get them clean. I had left my Shark Vacuum out thinking I was going to take another stab at drying the cleaned but-a-bit-wet area later so it was in plain sight while the robot was doing her thing: I didn’t mean to show them both that they had competition, it just happened.

Does this look like a DUEL to you? My new girl bumped into the old girl several times.

That right there tickled my funny bones. All of them.

Just for the sheer entertainment, I’m going to keep her for a while longer and see if she shapes up.

(Don’t tell her I kept her original box if she starts acting up)

Anyone else have any ‘around the house helpers’ they’re on the fence about?


Making Progress, Down Dog And Updating My Résumé

Thanks so much for all of you who chimed in on my ‘feeling down’ post. I wasn’t looking for sympathy, I’m the last person who needs it. You know, sometimes venting is good for your soul so you can move on.

We’re making progress on the pool work.

Can we add this to the list of jobs that I would never want to have?

It’s hard work. It’s hot. It’s hot hard work.

The men that have been here (4 weeks) doing the demolition and then setting the waterline tile, coping tile and the stair risers are in their 40’s. I mean, I think they’re in their 40’s. From all the cigarettes and cokes they drink, they might be in their 20’s. Who knows. They don’t speak much English, but are very nice when I try to make small talk with my non-Spanish speaking self.

Where’s my Cabana Boy?

We noticed that Callie was very interested in the dumpster area as well as anywhere these men might have their lunch/break time. I knew she was smelling and looking for scraps.

You can take the dog out of the junkyard, but you can’t take the junkyard out of the dog.

Kidding. She’s not from a junkyard, but she has JYD tendencies. I’ll not share all the details but I found quite a bit of vomit on Monday afternoon; mostly on our new wool rugs. Thanks girl.

We were in a vomit and diarrhea cycle which is my least favorite cycle. She was drinking water, then losing it. I thought we should take her to the after hours emergency hospital, Coach thought we should wait till the morning and see if she recovered on her own as the Vet stresses her out.

Callie and I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep Monday night. She was uncomfortable, restless. I was following her around outside more times in the middle of the night than I can remember; inside she moved from bed to bed and at one point climbed her large self into Lillie’s tiny crate. My heart was breaking for her.

If you recall, we were told in February 2020 that she would only have 2 weeks to 2 months; so she’s been on borrowed time.

Tuesday morning Coach took her to our vet as he knew I was irritated with the decision from the night before; they gave her an IV with fluids and anti-naseua meds. Her bloodwork showed nothing alarming aside from low blood sugar. After a few hours she was improving and ravenous. He brought her home that night and she seemed like a new person dog.

Our vet left the IV port in just in case we needed to bring her back again the next day for fluids, you know, to save us the $100.00 reinsertion fee. Nice, but Callie was obsessed with it so I removed it.

NOTE FOR SUZ: add Veterinary Tech to your resume and scratch Pool Construction.

We’re not 100% sure, but we THINK she might have gotten into some discarded human food or wrappers from the workers. Or maybe this is just her body getting ready for the end?

Wednesday morning: She’s feeling much better and I had to drag her old ass away from the dumpster. *sigh*

My next post will be lighter and cuter. I promise!


I’ve Got Feelings Yes I Do, I’ve Got Feelings All.Over.The.Place.

While I was in GA I had some melancholy moments. My mood was occasionally dreary, my tears were plentiful and right at the surface, just waiting for one.little.thing to open the flood gates.

Why? It’s not exactly one thing, more of a combination. I feel the weight of my friends who are struggling; I feel helpless. Some instances (memories) of my childhood were brought to my attention recently by someone who knew me when I was a little bit of a thing and they took me down a deep hole of WTH? My Aunt and I had a clarification of an incident that happened when I was 15 that took us both by surprise. Also my whoremoans hormones might be showing off. Luckily my Aunt Trisha isn’t phased by my crying and can often join in with me. Then we have a good laugh, especially when it comes to my upbringing and how I persevered. She was also a witness to some of it, although not there consistently enough because of living distances.

I did take the time to write a slew of things down, thinking I might share at one point. Getting it down on paper laptop did feel cathartic.

Onward and upward, you’ve got a lot going on Suz!

A few cute things to share with you, some are mine, some are from the Internet Gods.

This might have been my Aunt Trishas face at one point.

To be clear and NOT make anyone worry, not of my concern is of my daughters or my main squeeze. We good.

Even my Fed Ex guy felt like I was checked out. He’s more intuitive than I thought.

One of these things is not like the other.

These two always brighten my day. Can you also appreciate a being who doesn’t care if they fit in or not, they’re still there for the party?

Here they are on our 10 hour drive home.

Thank the Good Lord I didn’t see any bodies flying out of vehicles this time.

If you really want to know what makes me chuckle? It’s stuff like this:

I still laugh even after reading it 15 29 times.

I can hardly get enough of the Happy Guy Happy Dog videos. If you haven’t seen them, you’re missing out on free JOY.

I watch them over and over. At first, I was thinking:

This song is SO annoying.

After watching 10 videos:

This song is so catchy!

When the dogs and I arrived home we were greeted with a home upgrade. We now have beach front property! The pool/lanai update has begun.

Lillie is wondering where all the lizards are that she loves to chase.

Mum. wher da yumi fast tings?

This Too Shall Pass.

My mood is lightening and the sun will shine again. Probably directly into my eyes, but you know.


Your friend Suz who occasionally isn’t that damn chipper.