In The Garden With Suz; Just A Pinch Of Murder, But A Lot Of Organic.

My friends who reside in the cold tundra will be surprised to know that January, February, and March are some of my best gardening months way down here in SW Florida. The air is cooler and the sun doesn’t feel like hellfire.

The bees can’t get enough of the purple salvia and I can’t get enough of watching them buzz around the blooms.

My giant milkweed plant is being devoured by Monarch Caterpillars and that is a sight that always delights me.

Can you see all the little cuties?

I also have lots of potted herbs, tomatoes, herbs, sweet peppers, and herbs. Did I mention I have lots of herbs? Also, I tried my hand at some orange tomatoes this year. I’m sure there is a ‘real’ name for them, but let’s just call them orange tomatoes with a third nipple. Or first nose? What in the organic hell is happening out there?

I don’t use any fertilizer or pesticides. Which is sometimes an issue….I have some nasty weevil bugs that are eating my three citrus trees. When I googled how to rid them, the only answer was to spray pesticides on them. WHAT THE HELL? On my citrus? If you recall, we planted the citrus FOR the giant swallowtail butterflies. There is no way in hell I’m spraying those trees. Plus the lemons & limes they have been gifting us nonstop is amazing, I never knew how much I used citrus while cooking. I ALMOST feel like Ina Garten running out there collecting my citrus and herbs for a meal. Aren’t chicken nuggets better with a squeeze of lime and a dash of sage?

One of my Giants from 2020; see some good shit did happen.
See what the little turds have been doing?

So, what do I do? I go out once a day wearing ONE glove because I’m the Michael Jackson of my ‘hood. (Not in the molesty way though) and I hunt down the bugs and squish as many of them as I can find/reach.

The culprit is about to be murdered by Suzanne/Michael Jackson.

Let me tell you, it’s down right satisfying. Even MORE fun? When I find two bugs fornicating and I SMASH two at once. I can’t share pics of that because it’s rated R and even more R for the murdering part. I’m saving that for a Quinten Tarantino Film.

So, if you happen to drive by our home and hear strange sounds out back, it’s just me conversing with caterpillars & butterflies, picking weird tomatoes, or murdering citrus eating bugs. Pay nooooo attention and refrain from calling the authorities. Please.

So, anything growing in your home OR yard. How about your refrigerator? You know, we always called those ‘science experiments’. I still have part of a Tiramisu cake from Christmas Eve that I keep forgetting to remove from the garage fridge on garbage day. *sigh* It still looks exactly the same….I’m guessing it’s NOT organic.

XOXO

Chilly, Boots & B**bs

We’ve had some really nice winter weather this week in Florida. 50’s at night, high 60’s during the day. ‘Tis a lovely time because we know it will soon be over and it’ll feel like our eyeballs are melting just walking to the mailbox to pick up all the junk mail. Time to dust off my cute boots and break out that cardigan that hasn’t seen the light of day in a year.

GA leaves as we only have palm fronds down here.

The Coach opened up all the doors and windows yesterday and 15 minutes later, I closed them all because I was cold.

Nothing really exciting to talk about today. Can you imagine?

But something funny that I finally noticed. Our friend Kelly took this photo of us on the front porch of our Georgia home many months ago. I made the pic my desktop screensaver many MONTHS AGO. It wasn’t until last week that I noticed I was being felt-up by the bear. Or the Coach. Or both.

Excuse me, but I had my mammogram in August thank.you.very.much.

I hope everyone is healthy and moderately happy today.

XOXO

The Masks Are Messing With My Eyesight and It’s Probably Time To Talk About Teeth Again, Right?

I was in the grocery store recently when it dawned on me: I do not see well while wearing a mask.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t wearing this type of mask although, I remember that feeling clearly.

I was wearing This type of mask. Just like the rest of you.

{Don’t even act surprised by the butterflies}

Something about it messes with my peripheral vision and I always think someone is coming up behind or next to me. I feel completely paranoid and partially blind. And if I’m wearing a ball cap? Forgettaboutit. I’m running into things. If I had to wear glasses as well, I might as well get a Guide Dog to assist me.


GIVE ME ALL THE GUM

I’m finally done with my Invisalign treatment. I started this teeth straightening journey last January. I pick up my retainer next week and I pray that I don’t leave it wrapped up in a napkin at TGI Fridays and then have to beg the staff to let me dig through the garbage for it. If that hasn’t happened to you or your kids, you’re missing out on a nice bonding experience.

I believe I shared with you the reason for my Invisalign; not so much for the straightening/vanity part, but for the gap that was growing between my back molars and food being stuck in there constantly. Did you know your teeth keep moving as you age? Add that to growing ears and noses: JOY! So, no more gappage to attract chicken or lettuce and also, straight teeth. But, my dentist did the old bait and switch thing…he didn’t tell me until I was DONE that I will have to wear a retainer for the REST OF MY LIFE (at night) or my teeth will move again. He’s so sneaky and now wealthier thanks to me.

What am I most excited about other than not getting stuff stuck between my teeth?

CHEWING GUM, she screams!

I’m a gum chewing addict and I’ve not been able to chew gum for an entire year. There must be some sort of reward for curbing my addiction for so long. Where is my hand engraved plaque?

Valentines Day Idea; you’re welcome.

Do you remember when I posted about finding a box of baby teeth? It was in July and you’ve not had anything else exciting happen, so you must remember.

I saw this craft project recently and I thought DAMN, why didn’t I think of this?

Did I just hear someone throw up in their mouth? Wait, that was me.

Anyhoo, who the hell are we sharing the planet with? Freaking weirdos, that’s who. I’m not even kidding when I tell you that there are tons of Etsy stores wanting to make pretty weird things out of your teeth. Those crafters are probably hanging out behind Dentist offices like junkies asking, “hey, you got any incisors today? how about a canine? C’mon man, I jussstttt need one!”

Can you even imagine? Earrings? Pinkie Rings? How about a belly button ring with your Dad’s molar? A statement necklace? oh, yeah, THAT IS A STATEMENT and the statement is you’re a loon, stay away.

*Phew* *Deep breaths Suzanne, deep breaths* Goodness. I’m all riled up like I downed a Mountain Dew.

Happy Friday. We made it another week and the planet has not imploded upon itself which I thought for sure might happen.

Anyone else feel blinded by their mask? Any plans this weekend? And might those plans include flossing and brushing your pearly whites?

Bee well my friends.

XOXO