Cartwheel—-Fart-wheel

One of my soul sisters (Kelly) sent me this video the other day.
We do that, send each other random videos or pics, umm, randomly when we come across them in our phone.

My response was: “No wonder I didn’t make the Olympic team, my legs are far from straight.”
But I did stick the landing.

This was from my 49th birthday, where we spent a relaxing week on Fort Myers beach.

Oh, to be 49 again.
I know it was only three and a half years ago, but a lot has happened in those three and a half years; as in, I’m three and a half years older.

That was a lot of halves.

There was a time when I was obsessed with gymnastics. I took lessons for a few years, starting at age 6 or 7 until I was asked politely about not coming to the classes since my mom stopped paying; around the age of 12.
That didn’t stop me from flailing my body around trying new moves on the grass, carpet, couches, off the side of the pool, etc. for many years after that.
Nadia Comaneci was my shero.

Good news, I just checked and I can still do a cartwheel.
Bad news, my window of Olympic stardom has closed.

I love the phrase ‘fart-wheel’ because I still have a sense of humor like a 12-year-old.

Raise your hand if you can do a cartwheel.
Raise both if fart-wheel made you laugh.

XO

The one where I complain about overly excited people!!

A few posts back I was complaining (shocker) about the overuse of exclamation points. I believe I might have scared (or scarred) a few of you thinking that you overuse them too.
You don’t.
I’m sure this post will make me sound b*tchy, but please don’t hate me. 

And I had to add them to the title too because I’m wearing my sassy pants today.

This is what I was talking about, I copied these from the Facebook:

Happy Birthday Becky!!!! The big 21!!!
I just still can’t believe my baby is 21!!
Hope you have a wonderful day!!! 
You are such a beautiful young woman, 
You are kind, helpful, so very caring to everyone!! I’m so very proud to be your Mom! All your accomplishments, all your hard work, so much ahead for you!! I can’t believe you are almost a senior in College!! Love you!!!


I miss my Harley! Only gone 6 months but I think of her every day!

She may have saved our lives! 
RIP Harley!

If you had to purchase exclamation points, these peeps would be BROKE. 















There is a time and a place for everything though:

Punctuation saves lives: there’s a meaningful difference between ‘Duck’ and ‘Duck!’


But, much like the little boy who cried wolf:


“There is really only one rule when it comes to the exclamation mark: don’t use it. This is an exaggeration of course! In fact, rare usage is the point: the Chicago Manual of Style says the exclamation mark ‘should be used sparingly to be effective.’”




















Did you know that September 24th is National Punctuation Day? 
Me neither, we should celebrate with a margarita though. 




That’s it for my complaints today. 

Wait, I take it back, I’m gonna complain about myself. 
Yesterday marked FOUR weeks that I started with my flu symptoms. 
The cough hasn’t left me. It slowed down a bit, but it refuses to vacate my body.
Guess how I was feeling yesterday? 
C*R*A*P*P*Y
I coughed/choked most of the night. Am I having a relapse? Is it the common cold? 
Dr. Suz also wonders if it’s a sinus infection. 
Don’t even mention the C-word that I’m sick of hearing. *dusting off my shank*

I’m sure I’ll live, but I’m ready to feel healthy again. 
I mean, I’m ready to feel healthy AGAIN!!

I’m far from being an English major. More like a grammar minor? 
Nevermind, I’m over 21. 
Does it bother you when I change fonts? Or when I use italics? How about when I refer to Facebook as The Facebook? 
I used to be guilty of using too many ellipses…
Now….I’m trying to wean myself from them…
…..it’s difficult because they are so addicting…

Anything you feel the need to get off your chest today?  
I’m also talking to YOU way in the back who never comments; I know you have something to say. 

Random thoughts on shanking, sewing, clothes, and how I used to go by the name Sue

*Suz coughs*
Random person: Do you have the coronavirus?

If one more person asks me if I have the virus, I’m gonna shank them. 


I was thinking the other day how people don’t make their own clothes anymore. When I was a kid, most if not all my clothes were homemade. My Grandma (the cigarette feeding one) and my Mom made them for me. Was it to save money? Was it because the stores didn’t sell cute clothes? 
Or was it just the norm in the ’60s and ’70s?

I recall my G’ma had her sewing machine set up 24/7 in the Florida room of her Miami Springs house. Sue, you need a new dress? Go pick out some fabric and I’ll whip up a dress for you.
Wam, bam, thank you Gram.
*I just made myself LOL*

Dress made by my Mom, Bev. I believe I was trying to flip off the photographer. 

I remember being around 12 and my Mom’s BFF Connie whipped up some pants for her daughters Jodie, Mary and I in her makeshift sewing room. Sue, what color do you want? I chose purple because I felt like royalty.
*There I go again, LOL-ing at myself* 
I remember the pants were considered ‘elephant pants’ at the time. Do you remember those? Wide-legged?
I felt really cool going to school the next day with my new pants.
Then I felt really hot at recess because they were not breathable and I live in Florida. Also, I wasn’t able to stand near my mom and her ciggies because polyester is very flammable.
But hey, I had new pants; I was hot.
*I did it again.*

I have no direction today…just feeling kind of nostalgic for some reason.
Menopause? PMS? Old age? I’ll pay a million dollars cents to anyone who can figure out what’s happening in my head.

***If I were a country singer, my name would be MiRANDOM Lambert***

The Coach’s Mom made most of his clothes too as a kid. She was a professional seamstress, so that makes a lot of sense.
I can sew on a button, mend a blown-out crotch, and other minor things, but I can’t create a piece of clothing.
You do realize the blown-out crotch isn’t a medical thing, but a clothing thing. Right?

Lolo loves to sew and learned a lot while sitting on her Grandma’s (Coach’s mom) lap. She has several sewing machines and just taught herself how to do hand embroidery.

OMG. I just remembered that my Mom used to embroider too. No wonder she didn’t have time to make us a proper meal, she was crafting! Thank goodness we didn’t have the internet when I was a kid or I might still be wearing diapers.

If Bev were alive, she would LOL at that one.

I know I have a bajillion pics of me somewhere wearing some of the cute outfits that were homemade, but can I find them when I need them? hells no.

But I did find my very first topless pic; apparently, we were out of fabric this week.

So, when I was in elementary school, it was too daunting for me to write out Suzanne.
I recall my Dad calling me Sue all the time. It must have been daunting for him too.
So, I went by Sue.
Now, I go by Cookie.
Just kidding.
Unless you think Cookie will stick because I really like it.

XOXO

TGIF; skinny arms and big lips.

I came across this old photo the other day; we were probably 18 and 20. I recall it was an outdoor concert in Miami. I wish I could remember what show it was, but we went to a lot of concerts; hence our weak hearing today. *Heh?*

My first thoughts were:
Wow, we were such babies. 
and then
Suz, how in the world did you even pick up a toothbrush with those skinny arms? 

***

I saw this meme the other day and almost wet my britches. I sent it to the girls and they also found it hilarious.

Every time I read it, I bite my upper lip and realize how hilarious it is.

Speaking of biting lips, I started doing Invisalign treatment about 3 weeks ago on my lower teeth. I’d noticed I was getting food stuck in between two particular teeth in the back of my mouth and it was driving me mad every time I ate. It’s tasteless to constantly whip out dental floss in a restaurant.
I suppose if I stopped eating, I could eliminate a few issues, but no.
Turns out another gift of aging is that our teeth continue to move. The Invisalign should straighten out my lower (now crowded front area) and help close the gap at the back.
I thought I would have major mouth pain as I did with braces, but I’ve had no pain like that at all.
The only issue I’ve had aside from not being able to chew gum (I’m addicted!) is that when I take out the tray to eat, the little tiny buttons they glue to your teeth to keep the tray in place, well I keep getting my lip caught on those. It’s kinda funny really. I just can’t imagine how Angelina Jolie would be able to handle it with her lips….but then again, maybe she could just pay someone to wear it for her.
It’s not cheap a cheap treatment but think of all the money I’ll save on dental floss.

***
I’m volunteering at Tim Tebow’s Night to Shine Prom tonight; it’s one of my most favorite nights of the year.
The husband left at 4am this morning along with a gaggle of friends and drove north pulling his big ole smoker; they’ll be smoking meat all day long for another one of our favorite charities. 
I believe tomorrow will be a day of recovery and cleanup.

That’s all I’ve got today.
Have a great weekend whether you’re biting your lips, cooking for love or dancing your heart out.
Bee sweet!
XO

To quote the poet Notorious B.I.G: "Mo money, mo problems"

The Lunatic started clearing the property next to us a few weeks ago. *sigh*
Luckily, they didn’t clear it 100%; hoping to have a buffer aside from the eleventythousand dollars we spent on planting trees to avoid Luna.

The Coach did some research and found the owners and their building plan; we’ve been praying they build a nice house and kept the yard clean; you know, to keep up the property values and to not make my eyeballs bleed. (it’s hit or miss in our non-HOA area)
Well, I thought WE had a HOUSE on STEROIDS….no sirree bobcat tail, Lunatic has grand plans for her lair.
5600 square feet of anger peace and resentment joy.
You’ll never catch me criticizing someone for the size of their home, where they take vacations or what they spend money on, as long as they don’t owe me any money, but does that mean they have 37 children who will reside under their roof?
Wait, I love children (of the corn)
The home has four or five bedrooms, a study, a workout room (located in the master bedroom-ehhh), a game room and a detached music room.
Suz to the Coach: ‘What? They don’t have a pool? Loooossssers!”
*devilish laugh*
Everyone knows that if you live in Florida and have children, it’s child abuse to not have a pool.

As I was typing this, Callie the sweetest dog on the planet was whining in my general direction and I said SHUT IT!
She looked hurt and then I apologized.

I don’t know why I was irritated at her whining. Sometimes a mom just needs some peace and quiet.
*looks around at empty house except for two sweet dogs*
I’d better go get her some cookies, she’s one of my only two friends here most of the time.

God bless her. The Coach and I talk about how ‘beat up’ Callie appears after working most of her life but is still so darn content. Dogs really are the best.
Sometimes they’re better than neighbors.

Anyhoo, it’s been a busy week and I don’t have anything really special to blog about.
*remembers that this blog is not made for special*

Also, I have no idea what the title has to do with anything other than I was listening to Notorious B.I.G yesterday. Today, it’s back to The Carpenters.

Peace.
XO

Things I don’t want to see or hear or have people do.

Much like the sun damage from my youth, I need to get some things off my chest.

Prepare yourself for ComplainaPalooza 2020


Airport or restaurant check-ins on Facebook. 
Some peeps JUST post the check-in as their status. 
No one cares. Literally, NO ONE CARES.


I understand posting a pic of yourself with your people at a restaurant, or the airport because you’re excited about a trip, that is acceptable. (to me, but this is my blog, so my rules). 

DO not check-in. Not one person cares.




Honestly, I could go on all day about my FB complaints, but it’s futile. I just avoid FB when peeps annoy me.  For example, when someone shares 147 pictures from their afternoon at Chic Fil A having lunch with a friend. 

Has anyone heard of sharing just the highlights? 

Phrases that have run their course: 
*Current situation
*The struggle is real
*Said no one ever

One that has bothered me since the day I was born; I think I came out of my Mother’s lady 
kitchen being bothered about this one.
When you’re on the phone and you are giving someone your phone number or 
credit card number and as you are verbalizing said numbers (if you even pause for a 
second) they say OK, but they say OK WHILE YOU’RE TRYING TO MOVE 
ONTO THE REST OF THE DIGITS and then they don’t get the correct digits 
because they are saying OK while you’re trying to give them the digits. 


And exclamation points.
I mean, exclamation points!!! 
On texts, emails or notes written on homemade vellum paper delivered via 
messenger pigeons. 
We’re swimming in the sea of exclamation points. Are we really that excited? Are we angry? 
Are we cheerleaders? 
And it’s not just Millenials; I’ve corresponded with people in their 70’s. 
Why is everyone so darn excited when I thought most of the country was depressed.
Wait, maybe that’s just all the RX commercials I see. 

Ads on blogs. 
They slow the page load to the speed of smell. 
I understand you’re trying to make a few bucks; generally, a blog with ads is not one that
I’m going to enjoy so as soon as I see ads, I’m out. 

*Drops mic and heads to the laundry pile*


I’m sure you’re thinking now, wow, that Suz seems so nice and pleasant, and today she’s full 
of crap complaints.
Well, you’re right. 
But, once I purge my complaints, it’s all good in the hood. 

I’m Susie Sunshine once again, at your service. 

C’mon. YOU know you’ve got something to get off your chest; purging is good for the soul. 
XO 

You can ring my bell anytime.

On our last night in Mexico, they held a beautiful dinner and awards presentation in the Zen area of the resort; jungle-ish as opposed to beach-ish. The Coach and I were so impressed by the event planners’ set-up. Yesterday, this had been an open grassy area where we took a picture of the entire group of attendees via drone.
Then on this night, it was a gorgeous setting with a huge tent, lights, fabulously decorated tables; we were both thinking “wedding for Lolo”. 

Although, it’s more ‘over the top’ than she wants; we loved the ethereal feel with all the greenery, white stemmed flowers and floating lights and candles everywhere.

Shadow much? 

They had these ‘ring bell for champagne’ signs in the cocktail area before you entered the dining area. I was all ‘ring for what? I don’t even like champagne, but I do enjoy an activity’!


HOW flipping clever is that? There were champagne angels behind the wall that handed out glasses after you rang the bell.
I need this, but for wine
and in my family room.
Of course, I’d have to replace the bell too often because of wear and tear.

It was a great end of our long weekend. Until next time Mexico!