Tag: Funny

The Family Heirlooms. You Lost What? Sit Where? Don’t Go Chasing Criminals.

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz34 Comments

We are down to the wedding wire this week. Some cute tidbits to share, and then I might be mostly MIA.

Lolo was discussing final thoughts/expectations with her photographer. The photographer asked about some special family items for the ‘detail’ shots. Detail shots are pics of the rings, shoes, dress, etc. Lauren asked me if we had any family heirlooms/jewelry/etc that I might want in the detail shots on the wedding day.

Me: The only thing I can think of that has been in the family is that box of baby teeth from my Mom to me to you & your sister.

We had a good laugh imagining the photographer’s face if we added the open box teeth next to the wedding rings.

Linds came over this weekend, and the two of us put together The Wedding Favors. Did you have them? I’m told that most people don’t even do them anymore. We threw a little bag of Jordan Almonds and personalized matches on the tables for our fancy shindig back in ’91.

Holy mackerel, I still have some of the matchbooks, 30 years later!

Lauren opted for some nice chocolates, popcorn and a bottle of Fiji water. I thought it was a good idea. Maybe someone might want to go watch a movie AFTER the wedding, they would be snack set.

We never buy Fiji water, so this was fancy in my book.

Almost everything has gone smoothly aside from her wackadoo seamstress who lost her veil last week. *sigh* The lady was great at sewing, but very unorganized and talks way too much. Lolo ordered another veil and it has arrived.

Linds is printing up the final seating/table number directory this week. Directory? That’s probably not the correct term, but you know what I mean. You can’t have people NOT knowing where to sit. Remember how some can’t even RSVP? Can you imagine if you left them up to sit in the correct spot?

Linds and I were going over the seating chart and she was annoyed when she saw that there was another Lindsay at the wedding, but This Lindsay spelled her name wrong, she used and E where there should be an A. {Lindsey}

My Lindsay: I’m gonna change her spelling to the correct way!

If you didn’t know it before, we are here to right all the wrongs in the world.

And then my funny girl noted: Hey, there are also two people named Plus One. What a coincidence.

A week before the wedding and two people still can’t commit to who their date will be.

The bride is stressed, but that comes with the territory. Luckily she is not a bridezilla, which I knew she wouldn’t be.

She only has one more ‘work’ day this week before the festivities. The Coach and I were on the phone with her a few days ago and we were discussing how we were all being extra careful to NOT catch covid. (can you imagine if we had to miss or cancel the big day?)

Lolo, being the one who has more interactions with people, would be the most likely one to catch it. Her father had some great advice: Hey, this next week, just let people get away with crimes. Don’t chase anyone down, just let them go this week. What is the Call Sign for “he’s running faster than me”, yeah, whatever that is, just call that one in as you hardly make a chase.”

Amazing advice, especially if you’re a criminal in her area.

What are your thoughts on wedding favors? I know she didn’t want anything ‘wasteful’ or tacky. Shot glasses with their names on them were a no-go.

Signed, The Mother Of Not Bridezilla.

XOXO

The Elite And Puzzling Club

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz33 Comments

When we were in GA for July fourth festivities, there was a puzzle I’d started on the dining room table; my goal was to finish OR move it before our guests arrived as I needed to feed 10 people on that very table. I had the forethought of having Coach make for me OR purchasing a large tray that I could put my puzzles on that could easily be picked up and moved out of sight and out of harms way when you have a slew of peeps in your presence.

I skipped asking him about it and found what I needed online. Don’t you love that? I didn’t know these items existed, but I knew I needed one. There were many many choices of puzzle trays, bags, rolling-up-thingys.

I made my choice and anticipated it’s arrival. It was kind of pricey, but I thought I would use this over and over and get my $ worth.

As I was opening up the large box with the puzzle tray/bag/organizer the Coach looked at me with a puzzled face. What’s that?

I gave a simple answer: There is a lot to this, but basically it’s for me to keep my puzzle stuff organized and I can move the puzzle without making a mess of it.

Coach: Oh, and you can to take it to the Puzzle Club

Now it’s Suz’s turn to look puzzled: What? What is a puzzle club?

Isn’t that where you take your puzzle and all your friends also bring their puzzle and you just work on your own puzzles, but together?

I busted out laughing. NO, NO, I’m not going to join a puzzle club.

It dawned on me later that he might have been thinking of the years that I did scrapbooking and I actually DID pack up all my scrapbook paraphernalia and join a group of friends to work on our scrapbooks together. Still, the thought of a puzzle club was hilarious.

We’re The Pink Ladies But With Less Nicotine Or Chances Of An Accidental Pregnancy

Cut to our friends arrival. I’d moved my partially finished puzzle on its new tray to the porch and they were like Moths to a Flame.

We found ourselves around the puzzle while having our morning coffee; catching up, talking about family, life, laughing, etc…

I told them about Coach’s Puzzle Club Statement and they all giggled and agreed that it really IS a good idea. We are all so snarky. Why not have a Puzzle Club? I could be the President of the North Georgia Chapter. *Me imagining how I would reign over my devotees*

We again found ourselves around the puzzle while having wine in the evenings, waiting for the guys grill some dinner. Talking about life, talking crap, laughing, etc…

Behold Suz: The Puzzle Club President on her way to a meeting. {talk about some baggage}

Of course, when people were behaving badly, I would announce that They Were OUT Of The Club! Hey, I run a tight ship Club. It was a running joke for the entire long weekend.

When the first puzzle was finally completed, everyone was pleased with their progress and input. Of course, they said they didn’t want to see another puzzle for a long time, but I knew better.

I pulled out a Map of the United States puzzle, they groaned and walked to it like an addict needing a fix. If they were a moth to a flame with the first one, this time they were Flies To dog shit Manure. They couldn’t help themselves.

This time our friend Steve decided to join in the club. None of the men had even given our puzzle a second look until now; I had no idea Steve was a geography fan.

I was thinking I might have enact a 12 step program for some of them or just send them home. Thankfully, It was time for them to go home anyway, so they got a pass after the U.S puzzle had a good portion started.

Hours after they departed, my Aunt and Uncle arrived as they were doing some work on their new home in our ‘hood. Look who also couldn’t ignore a puzzle? Damn, it’s in my genes.

A few days later AT and UJ also left and Suz had some one-on-one time with the U.S puzzle.

Can you imagine my disappointment when I realized we were missing TWO pieces?

I texted our group asking who sabotaged this puzzle? No one fessed up. I’m thinking it was one of our friends who were NOT invited into the club; perhaps one of the Thunderbirds minus Steve. You know how jealousy affects some people.

I have fond memories of visiting my grandparents at their home in Miami and they always had a puzzle in progress on a table in their Florida room. You know, that was just what old people did. Guess who is OLD now? I didn’t realize I enjoyed puzzles until the pandemic. They are very relaxing and remove me away from my laptop/phone for a bit; I call it puzzle therapy.

This will be my last post for a while as I’m putting my energy towards writing my Manifesto for the Club.

Puzzles: Do you love ’em or hate ’em?

Signed, your favorite nerdy Puzzle Club President.

XOXO

The Day I Tried To Eliminate My Remaining Marbles

On By SuzIn As blogged by Suz20 Comments

This is a post I wrote in 2009; I stumbled across it recently, read it and had tears streaming down my face. I’m sharing so you can get another glimpse into the Insanity That Is Suzanne.

Random family photo from 2009. I appear to be NORMAL.

It started off as a typical weekend day.
I slept in, then moseyed myself to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
I checked on the girls and they were being typical as well; one on the couch watching TV, one on the computer watching YouTube.
I made our bed; Coach left a few hours earlier for softball practice.

I went out to the backyard and fiddled with my compost.
I found several ant piles en route and went back and treated them.
I cleaned the guest bathroom.

I sent the girls to their rooms to clean. 
I took the dogs out to the driveway to run a bit and get their exercise.


I heard something down the street that sparked a memory. I stopped in my tracks, cocked my head sideways trying to determine if I heard what I thought I heard. It was a familiar sound, but I was not sure it was real. 
It was a sound that I had not heard in many years.

My heart started beating fast.

I was getting a weird feeling in my stomach. My hands and my feet started to tingle.

I didn’t feel right. I was about to lose it.
I had to get the girls’ attention. AND NOW.
I couldn’t be bothered with going back into the garage and through the mudroom door into the house to get them.

I needed them NOW.

I started calling for them from the yard. LoLo…..Linds!!!!!


I ran to Lindsay’s bedroom window and started banging, screaming her name. LINDSAY!


The dogs looked at me like I was a crazy. Little did they know, it would get worse.


LINDSAY!!

Linds pulled the blinds back and looked at me like I was a crazy person. Because I was.
I screamed to her through the window:


THE ICE CREAM MAN IS COMING!!!


She pursed her lips and said: You are lying.
I screamed through the window: 
No, I’m not, he’s really coming…he is coming down our street!
Get out here NOOWWW!!!


In a flash, she came running out the garage with my wallet in hand.
I suppose she believed me now.
Then I looked at her and remembered her sister had been fooling around with a flute earlier; maybe that was what I was hearing. 

Was I overreacting?
Am I really hearing the ice cream truck?

I asked Linds, and she confirmed: Yes, there is a musical vehicle heading this way.
She started jogging down the driveway and then suddenly she put on her brakes and turned back towards the house.

She realized she still had on her Hello Kitty boxer shorts and decided to change.

I almost lost it.

Me: THERE IS NO TIME FOR CHANGING!
She ignored me and ran back into the house.

I just knew she was going to miss this golden opportunity.
It was as if I had injected with a shot of adrenaline; I was crazed.

I started yelling into the house from the garage: Run Run Hurry up Run Linds, HURRY!

By now Lauren heard all the racket, came out and looked at me like I was insane.

Me: Hurry and run down to the street and get an ice cream. 
The ice cream man is coming!!

She stared at me with a fearful expression and went back into the house.


Linds came running back out of the house and I could just now see the front of the ice cream VAN coming into view.
Me: run down there before it passes by!

You would have thought the ice cream man was giving away baby dolphins by the way I reacted to his arrival. 

Linds ran down the driveway, opened the gate and met the ice cream man in the street.


I had such a huge grin on my face by now, satisfied that we DID THIS, but my blood pressure was still very high.
I ran into the house for the camera, knowing that this may never happen again.


Lindsay came back in with her ice cream and we had a good 15 minute laugh about the whole thing. 

I came to my senses and realized what a kook I am and his made me laugh all the more.

We live in a semi-rural area, so I’ve never seen an ice cream truck in our ‘hood. It just doesn’t happen.
They just don’t come around, or if they do, we may be inside and we would never hear them coming.

Later on after the incident Lauren said she thought someone was breaking into the house and I was telling Lindsay to run for her life.

Lindsay told me that the neighbors must think that I am insane; she said I made it sound like someone was chasing her down the street with a knife as I was telling her to Run Run Run.

I explained to the kids that as a child we had the ice cream truck coming by all the time and we could hear it blocks away. We would run from wherever we were playing to our house to find some money to buy said deliciousness.  

Of course we could not hear our parents in the next room telling us to do something, but that truck…that truck was music to our ears.

Then it dawned on me. I really did want an ice cream and in all the craziness, I did not get one.
I called Coach and asked him to pick me up a push-up pop on his way home and he did; no questions asked. Geeze, that was the stressless way to get an ice cream in 2009.
 


When was the last time you bought ice cream from a truck? Did you have the joy of chasing them down as a kid?

Signed, your favorite lunatic.

XOXO