Can we all take a moment and appreciate my healthy hips?

That might sound odd to some people, but most of you because weirdlings attract weirdlings.

At my last Lady Dr. appointment, while poking my parts, my Dr. ordered a bone density test and I fulfilled my obligation to my bones last week. Have you had this done? It’s the easiest test I’ve ever taken; had they offered me this instead of algebra in HS, I would have been the freakin’ Valedictorian.

It literally takes less than five minutes, I can lay down for the entire process, I don’t have to un-clothe myself and I can talk while it’s being done. That’s what I call a trifecta. I know, that’s not what trifecta means at all, but this is my blog and I have my own language, so get on board.

I had one five years ago, but I don’t remember the results or if my Dr. even gave me my results, you see, I’ve slept a lot of hours since then so things tend to get fuzzy. But this time I was a willing and woke participant at our appointment.

Y’all: I got an A+.

I have great bones; like an old house that just needs some spackle paint.

Like a workhorse with many years left in her; saddle me up!

I’m cleared for falling down and probably not breaking a hip.

Have you seen hips like those? Take that SHAKIRA, SHAKIRA.

Am I being too humerus with you?

In all honesty, I was kind of worried going in because my Mom, God bless her, she was the incredible shrinking lady as she aged. I think she started at 5’4 or 5’5, but by the time she was 70 she was about 4″11. I figured that was going to be my fate, and honestly, it ain’t over yet, the fat lady has NOT sung, so I still might shrink.

My Dr. said that most women start to lose bone mass at this age, so mine were looking HAWWWTTT as HELL.

Ok, she didn’t say that, but I’m sure she was thinking it; I could just tell she was admiring my amazing bone structure.

She credited me with getting enough calcium in my diet (I do not take a calcium supplement) and of course consistent strength training, which I started about 6 years ago. You can’t really tell by looking at me because ‘menopause waistline’, but I pick up heavy things three days a week at the gym and that is good for my bones. Your bones. Everybody’s bones.

Now, when I see someone looking in my direction at Costco or Publix, I know what they are thinking: DAMNNN, look at the cartilage on that chick.

So, now I’m just bragging about everydamnthing. Next week we’ll cover my overly organized Tupperware Snapware drawer.

Kidding. Unless that’s the kind of thing that does it for you.

It certainly does it for me; that and good bones. Goodness, I can’t stop touching them! MY BONES, NOT MY Snapware.

Damn it, you caught me, I was lying, I like touching both.

Happy Friday my friends! Whatcha doing this weekend? Tell me about your bones. Or just about anything good that you found out this week.


No Woman, No Cry

I think I only have ONE male reader, so George, I apologize for this post.

I had my annual smooshing and smearing last week, as women we’ve gotta keep our lady parts in check. While I don’t enjoy it at all, I am so appreciative that I have health insurance and a kind Dr; even the smooshing expert is pleasant and we meet every year around the same time for our intimate moments with my boobs. It’s also such a convenience for me that I can get my mammogram upstairs, then trot downstairs for my pap. Is that how it works everywhere? Probably not.

My girls visit the same office, so I wanted to share with them my whereabouts.

They are hilarious.

All is well on my end(s). Although, I’m a bit irritated when they often refer to me as ‘dense’. But, I think they’re talking about my boobs and not my brain. *fingers crossed*

I’m going to get bloodwork drawn soon, but I’m pretty sure I’m fully in menopause now. I’m not complaining because my days of NOT being in menopause were tough. Without going into the bloody details (see what I did there), my monthly friend wreaked havoc in my life. (wreaked? Wrecked?) anyhoo….from the ripe old age of 15/16 until February of this year, it was hellish. Miserable. Drained the life out of me for a few days every month. I used to see those damn tampon commercials where the girls were jogging, riding bikes, climbing mountains, and here I was bleeding to death on the couch canceling all planned activities that required me to be upright.

Now? I’m ready to climb a mountain.

Ok, maybe just a hill.

Hell, what am I talking about, I tripped stepping onto the driveway last week.

Menopause hasn’t been a walk in the park, but, I’m getting used to the brain fog, fits of anger, thinning hair, belly weight, hot flashes and the like.

And since I don’t want to ONLY complain on ye ole’ blog…Wait, am I complaining or rejoicing?

Look at this beautiful Eastern Black Swallowtail female that I released this week.

How nice to be a lady butterfly and NOT bleed to death or go through menopause. But then gain, they only get to live for a few weeks anyway; might as well let her have some fun.

Happy Friday my friends! Anyone have any exciting plans for the weekend?

I’m going to make it my mission to finish up my photo sorting project and organize my closet for the 700th time this weekend. I’m sure you’re thinking I have such a glamorous life and you’re correct.