Short & Sweet: Man Vs WoMan

Dig if you will, the picture: For some weird reason I woke up earlier than normal the other day, and as I was slipping on my shoes and heading to brush my teeth I had this weird feeling come over me that involved the desire to smoke a large amount of meat.

Hmm. That’s not a normal Suzanne thought.

Next, I as I was brushing my teeth, I was thinking that when I’m done smoking all the meats, I’ll see if I have time to Coach Some Girls’ Softball.

GOOD LORD SUZANNE, SNAP OUT OF IT.

That’s when I remembered that I’d run out of my multivitamins a while ago and I’ve been ingesting my husbands vitamins.

THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

A Shit Show was about to commence because I was casually scratching my crotch, giggling at a Dad joke I’d heard the day prior and thinking of heading to the Gun Range next.

Instead I bee-lined it to the Vitamin Store so I could stop the insanity.

This is a mostly true story. I did ingest MAN vitamins for quite a few days.

I’M NO SPRING CHICKEN!

A bit of a shopping shocker for me was that they don’t sell 54 year old vitamins; I had to purchase the Woman’s 55+ as I’ll be hitting that milestone in a few weeks. Can you picture me walking into the Vitamin store and asking for 54 year old vitamins? They couldn’t sell those legally. Right?

Anyhoo, all is right again in my vitamin world and you’ll be pleased to know I don’t have the desire to scratch my nether regions any longer.

DAD JOKES

*My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”

*Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.


Raise your hand if you don’t take vitamins on the regular and how you are still alive!? 😉

XOXO

My Decline Time-Line Just Before I Leave On A Jet Plane

We’ve had a big family trip planned for a while and we’re SO excited about it. We are taking the kids to a place we visited for the Coach’s 50th birthday and had always wanted to return.

One of my fave pics from that trip.

We were going fly fishing, I don’t normally wear waders even though they’re super comfy and forgiving.


Of course, it wouldn’t be a family vacation (or holiday) unless someone get’s sick. Apparently it was my turn.

  • Thursday: Tired as hell all day in spite of a solid 8 hours of sleep. I reached out to the Coach around 4pm to ask if he might have accidentally changed our coffee to decaf that morning.
  • Friday: Not as tired, but had a tickle in my throat all day long. Not my fave kind of tickle.
  • Saturday: Woke up coughing like I’d been a pack a day smoker for the last 40 years.
  • Sunday: Coughing, but now I’ve cut it down to a half a pack a day for the last 30 years. Started having lower back spasms for several hours. THE HELL? Did I pull a muscle coughing or am I being paid back for something bad I did in a past life?
  • Monday: Slight smokers cough and tender back.

Ironically I’m on steroids that were given to me by my ENT last week to combat the ear/head pressure thing I’ve been dealing with since January; I think they might be helping to fast track this bug.

(BTW: I tested negative for the Covid)

The Coach brought home a 28 pack of Mucinex on Saturday and that is also helping.

Don’t you love a bargain? 100% MORE!

We’re departing in the morning. I wasn’t going to blog today but then I thought people might be worried since it’s been a week from my last post and I’ll be MIA this week.


What? You wouldn’t have noticed anyway? Ok. perhaps YOU DO have a life.


And for your giggling pleasure:

Proof that not everyone wants our advice.

Be well my friends!

Your Friend Suz, who is on the mend and hopes to sound like she only hits the peace pipe occasionally on her flight tomorrow.

XOXO

Weird Tan Lines and Perhaps An Intervention Is In My Future.

Me standing in front of the entire World Wide Web:

My Name is Suzanne and I’m addicted to Vionic Flip Flops.

That entire top row is the same shoe, just a different color. I also have a pair in my car. A few pairs at our rental condo and about 7 pairs in GA. I believe I am solely responsible for Vionic being in business.

I know there are people on the planet who loathe flip flops. That might be you. But if it is you, then you don’t live in Florida and you don’t suffer with arch issues or plantar fasciitis.

I lived with terrible hip, knee and ankle pain thinking I was going to die, until a Dr. (the fourth one) in 1995 stated that I had ‘fallen arches’.

My Arches after Suz gaining of 50lbs with pregnancy:

HELP, I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP

That particular Dr. prescribed a pair of custom made orthotics and they SAVED MY LIFE. I still have them today (26 yrs) and wear them in my athletic shoes.

It wasn’t until many, many years later that Vionic (and a few other brands) started making shoes with arch support and I could again wear cute shoes without pain.

So what did I do? I supported the entire &^%$#@+ industry, that’s what I did.

I LOVE my Vionic Tide flip flops. I put them on as soon as I fall roll out of bed; you’ll never catch me barefoot. Walking barefoot is painful.

People say: They’re so expensive!

I know. I agree.

But you know what else is expensive? Having my feet transplanted. That is super expensive and I believe unheard of.

FLORIDA PROBLEMS

It was all fun and games until Vionic came out with this new super cute sandal that I just needed to add to my collection. I was SO excited to have something comfortable and different in my arsenal.

The only issue?

My tan lines don’t match up.

Do I need to start wearing sunscreen on my feet? Or start a self tanning foot regiment?

I’m perplexed.

I would give my left middle finger (the effed up one) to be able to wear flat shoes or *hold me from fainting* stylish high heels without wanting to jump off a bridge, but that part of my life was over in my late 20’s.

*Vionic has come out with a few pair of cute heels that are doable for a short time. I wore a pair to Lolo’s wedding, but when the dancing commenced, you bet your sweet azz I was wearing my flip flops!*

Do you have issues with your feet? Or should I hate you for the fact that you can wear anything OR go barefoot?

XOXO