Gifts that delight and are my ears even connected to my brain?

I forgot to tell you and I’m sure you were wondering, but I had a nice mother’s day with my girls and my soon to be SIL.

Oh….to be in the same house and talk. And talk. And talk. It was heavenly.

I mean, it’s different than the 587 times that we’ve face-timed each other.

Can we all just think for a minute how lucky my future SIL is to have me? I mean, he IS so lucky because I am the MIL of dreams.

Perhaps I should rename my blog: Mrs. Modest the Mostest?

Oh, today is Nathan’s birthday! Happy birthday Nathan!

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He makes our Lolo so darn happy. She told me once that after meeting and falling in love with him “you know when you’re out and you see a good looking guy that catches your eye, well, now they all look like potatoes to me.”

Cheers to finding the main dish and not caring about potatoes!

Now, back to me. me. me.

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PREZZIES!

Gifts from my girlies on Mother’s day; a cute mug, Reeses, tulips, nail polish, a t-shirt representing Lolo’s school, and a succulent embroidered hand towel.

Lolo taught herself to embroider even before the pandemic.

I taught myself how to grow out of my own clothing.

____________

I went to go see my dermatologist this week and then I thought since I was out, I would treat myself to some chick-fil-a.

I’ve been deprived of chick-fil-a for at least 8 weeks.

DEPRIVED.

WAS it packed? YES. But they are such geniuses; they doubled their drive-thru line.

Doubled in width, not length if that confused you.

DOUBLED. It took a few more minutes than usual, but it was worth it.

Cute chick-fil-a girl: What would you like to order today? 

Me: A diet Arnold palmer and a cobb salad, please. 

Cutie: We don’t have any salads today.

Me: Ok, a chic fil a sandwich combo with a diet Arnold palmer, no fries; the superfood salad instead.

Cutie: We don’t have any salads today. 

Me. *dead face because we both have evidence that I’m an idiot.*

I’m constantly surprised at what comes out of my mouth.

Happy Friday. Anyone doing anything fun yet?

No?

I’ll be hanging at the homestead; piddling in my gardens, sorting photos, watching Dead to Me on Netflix, thinking of other ways that I’m wonderful, complaining about laundry, etc…

Living the flipping dream.

Be well, my friends.

XOXO

Image 5-6-20 at 7.13 AM

 

That time I almost bought things that I don’t need, enjoying May and all my friends are turning 50.

I hopped in my car from the gym the other day and dropped my phone in the seat next to my lap. When I arrived at my destination, I picked up my phone just in time to verify which address I wanted the 14 Amazon echo Dot’s that I’d ordered to be delivered to.
What the what?
Yeah, my thigh thought we needed those.
*that was a close one*
Smartphones might be a little to easy to work where my leg is concerned.

It’s May! Well, it’s actually May 4th.
I always enjoy May; it brings Mother’s day and our wedding anniversary.
And this May, we have a weekend with our besties planned, then I have a ‘surprise destination’ trip with girlfriends and we also have a date with Billy Currington. All.GOOD.STUFF.

This week one of my favorite friends turned 50 and boy oh boy, does she make 50 look good. She claims that ‘stress’ will do that to you! Gosh do I love her and I so wish she had less stress in her life.

2018

Here we are on my 40th birthday almost 11 years ago. 
We’ve been friends for around 20 years; and dare I say, I think we look better now!
2007

Have a fantastic weekend doing whatever it is that you do on the weekend. If you need me, I’ll be enjoying friends, the Coach and perhaps a margarita. Cinco De Mayo baby!

XOXO

What Store Did I Just Walk Into?

A few weeks ago I had to send a very important banking document out of state and I needed to make sure it got there quickly and with confirmation.
I looked online for my closest authorized Fed Ex shipper. I briefly looked at the map I found on their site and realized it was just down the street in a Publix plaza.
 This plaza has been standing as long as we’ve lived here and it dawned on me that I’ve used this shipper years ago.
(In general, I use the post office for all mailings)
I hopped in my car, drove to the plaza and strutted my stuff in; happy to have this ordeal done with.
I looked up at the sign over the counter and it said:
The UPS Store.

Me thinking: Huh? I swear this was the Fed Ex location on the website.
{picture me thinking very very hard at this moment and realizing that I didn’t look at the address of the Fed Ex location, just the street name}
The young man behind the counter said Hi and asked if he could help me.
And here is where I asked the stupidest question I could have asked:
Can I send something via Fed Ex from here?
As soon as I said it, I could almost read his mind. Surely you could too:
“Girl, can you READ? THIS IS THE UPS store!!!
Of course, he was too polite to state the obvious.
And yes, I sent my very important document via UPS ground. It was after all a matter of convenience at this point….and a bit of humiliation too.

It was one of “those” days.
XOXO

I know it is not politically correct, but I wish people came with labels.

Has anyone else watched the series Top Of The Lake? I had not heard of it until I saw Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men) on one of my favorite indulgences Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens on Bravo
Anyhoo’s the series peaked my interest;  mostly because I could watch the entire season at once. And since I seem to ONLY watch an entire series of shows now in lieu  of one a week, I searched for it on netflix.

It is a great series, very intense with some weird characters.  I’m a fan of weird.
I watched it over the course of a few weeks.

(I do most of my tv viewing while exercising, so I can justify it completely)

{being in the vicinity of my weights & bike IS exercising right?}

The funny thing about this show was that I had a hard time understanding the characters when they spoke. I kept saying to myself and out loud. 
I don’t get British-speak. Why do the English talk so darn funny?

My inner self replied: Because they are not from these parts!
My inner self is judgemental and kind of b*tchy.

I would have to rewind a few times each episode to try and figure out what the heck they were saying.

Then I noticed some of the characters kept mentioning to another:
“You should go back to Sydney.”
“Things are better for you in (and?) Sydney.”

Me thinking: Who the heck IS this Sydney character, I haven’t seen her!!
Then one day (after episode 5) I googled the show to get some information on it and realized they were not speaking British.

Wait for it.

They were in New {freakin’}  Zealand.
If you have seen any of this show, you can tell from the gorgeous views that it is NOT England.
Me? It took some time.

Not only did I have the wrong country, I was on the wrong flippin’ continent!

**

This reminded me of a little funny from a few years ago.
My friend Dawn and I were volunteering at a huge band function. We had a walkie-talkie and had to communicate with another parent that was located across the school to coordinate bands coming and going off the field.

I had a hard time understanding this man and I asked Dawn:
What country is he from?

Dawn:
RHODE ISLAND!


Nope, you can’t get anything past me.

XO

Feeding the blog

Last week while driving in the car, Lindsay says to me: 
Did you know Neil Armstrong died?
Me: yes.
her: That is so sad.

Me: Yes, but honey, he was 82 years old…he lived a long and full life.
Her {with a confused face} He was THAT old? I had no idea….

Me: {Lightbulb over my head} Um, you might be thinking of Lance Armstrong; the bicyclist.
Her: Oh…..ummmmm…..yeah.

Me:  You just love to give me good blog fodder don’t you?
Her: Yep, I am food for your blog with my stupidity.

Of course, this is not stupidity…this is blond-itity…there is a difference.

xoxo 

Misled by my dreams.

Some, of you are under the impression that I am mostly normal, as well as mostly perfect. And I can understand why….that is the persona that I throw out there.

I hate to break any of those ideas, because they are mostly true. But if I were to be an honest person, which is not a fun person, those ideas are not true. Mostly fiction.  I am not really normal, but in my eyes…that’s just perfect. I haven’t met a normal person that I liked in like…um forever.

 Me, contemplating deep thoughts…like “what are we having for lunch today and does my butt look bigger today than yesterday?”

Two facts you might not know about me: I always sleep with at least ONE ear plugged and I love chewing sugar free gum during my waking hours.
If I am without a pack of gum, someone will die.

Those two little facts are this entire post.

The ear plugs are for plugging the sound other sleepers. I refer to the ear plugs as marriage savers.
Some nights I sleep with both ears plugged…it just depends on, well, you know,  how sensitive my hearing is on each particular night.

So, the other night I had a dream that I was craving gum so badly….it was like a addict going through meth withdrawals. {I learn this stuff from watching “Intervention”}

In my dream, I found the perfect piece of gum and I plopped it into my mouth. Oh, relief. Joy. Happiness. Pure bliss.

do you know where I am going with this?


Yeah, I pulled out a freakin’ ear plug and PUT IT INTO MY MOUTH!

Yes, I was in a deep sleep and YES, this woke me up immediately.

I said to myself: Ewwww…..ear wax!

How weird is that?
Good thing I don’t sleep with that can of mace anymore.

This is a lesson that I plan on learning from. I’ll remember to never have any of the following near me while I sleep:
laxatives, rat poison, hand grenades, raw eggs, oreos, broken glass, rocks, newborn babies….
Oh, wait, that list will be endless!

Wow, after reading this again, I will be quite embarrassed if I am the only one who has done this. Please tell me that YOU have also mistaken an ear plug for sugarless gum!

FYI: ear wax tastes just as bad as you might imagine. gag.

I’m Just Not That Talented.


I’m not afraid of Muslims, tea partiers, socialists, immigrants gun owners or gay people….But I am kinda scared of spiders.   ~ Random magnet found in Vegas

Truthfully, I am terrified of *large spiders. They can actually cause me to have a conniption fit, a hissy fit and a seizure at the same time. 
A sight worthy of you-tube’s greatest hits. 
And surprisingly it is also a good cardio workout for me. 


*large is defined as my thumb nail and bigger.




A funny moment that happened yesterday, and since it happened in the bathroom, it is worthy of sharing with you, my close and personal friends. 


I went into my bathroom and I piddled. Like I do. Don’t act like you don’t.
 When I went to flush, I noticed a smallish spider in the toilet. 


Three thoughts went through my head; in this order:


1. Oh my Buddha, I pee’d a spider!!! 


2. I wonder if Web MD has any information on this.


3. Oh, duh, I forgot I snapped him up earlier and sacrificed him to the porcelain Gods.


Yeah, I always go with the reasonable thoughts first. 


Aren’t you glad I included the links to my fits? Just in case you didn’t know what they were, I think hissy fit might be a southern thang. And it really looks the same as a conniption, but with a sweet accent as I am screaming my head off. 


I hope you all have a lovely weekend minus any fits or spiders. 
We have our homecoming dance on Saturday! I am so excited!! Oh, wait, never mind….I’m not going. 
Again.
Snap.





xoxoxo