Fake News? How About Fake Doors? We Smudged The House To Avoid Being Touched In The Head.

I’ve been trying to work up the gumption to share something bizarre about the home we purchased in GA. The people who built this house were, um, lets just say special? They went through two builders; the first one quit because it was too difficult dealing with them.

We’ve heard stories from the neighbors and other contractors too about them being a challenging pair. We’ve had a few contractors over to see if they could help us rectify a few weird things, and each time I explain to the contractor that the previous owner must have been ‘touched in the head‘, they agree with me. But even with being ‘touched in the head’ they did make some good choices, but today I’m sharing the biggest negative challenge. This was to be their ‘forever home’; something happened in their family that caused them to need to sell and move out of state. SO, I really did have sympathy for them having to leave their dream/forever home. I just can’t imagine. With that being said, they built the house to what they wanted not thinking of resale.

When you enter the home there is a nice sized foyer, and it’s open to the main/upper living area. The first time we entered the home we went directly towards the porch doors to see the view.

Pic from Real Estate Listing-not our furniture, not our style.
Again, not our furniture, not our style.

We tried unsuccessfully to open any of the three sets of French doors in the living area leading to the outside. Hmmmm….we figured they were locked so we moved to the single door next to the dining area. Luckily we were able to get that one opened.

Real estate pic

We didn’t think much about the doors that didn’t open at the moment. We were really loving the feeling of the home; light, bright with very nice finishes.

We continued downstairs and loved this second/bigger family room. We noted that there was again three sets of French doors leading out the the expansive lower porch area; a mirror image of upstairs.

Real Estate pic, not our stuff.

Again, we could NOT get any of the doors to open, but there again was a single French door on the side that opened without issue. Hmmmm….so strange but we didn’t think much of it.

We went and looked at a few more homes in the area and none of them matched up to this one so my Aunt Trisha (AT, our realtor) called the listing agent and asked if we could return that same day to look again. While on the phone with the listing agent AT asked about the unlock-able, un-openable doors. And the agent stated that yes, they DO NOT OPEN.

HUH? They have handles on them, but no hinges. What the fresh hell is that about? Never have any of us heard of this, but we didn’t think it would be an issue to hinge the doors and use them like normal people would. Whatever.

Also, the dining room has lovely windows. They are all fixed. Un-openable.

My stuff, including the guy.

SIDE BAR: THE PLANS. Totally unrelated to the fake doors, but totally related to being ‘touched in the head’

We decided the next day that we would put in an offer and start negotiations. Shortly after that AT inquired about the floor plan/room measurements so Suz could start planning furniture. She was told (sternly by the way) that the plans would not be available until the house was sold and closed. HUH?

Several times over the negotiating the Realtor told us (Aunt Trisha) that the floorpans were SO expensive and CUSTOM to this home and the seller would like to put a premium on them and we can’t SEE them until the house is sold. Come to find out, the seller thought that if we had the plans, we might just go and BUILD our own house with them; this was brought up to AT unsolicited. Mind you, we’ve already given a hefty check $ for earnest money.

This conversation about the blueprints happened more times than you can imagine. At one point Coach told my Aunt to let them know “they should tape a quarter to the plans, drop them in the garbage and then they would have lost something.” The woman clearly was a loon and thought the WORLD of her plans. Maybe they had some secrets in them? The Davinci Code of GA?

So we finally DID get the plans, but not ONE freaking minute before we closed on the house. I’m not even kidding. When AT did the walk through/inspection prior to our closing, I begged for her to look in the attic, because we were sure the damn plans were hidden somewhere and I now wanted them to break the damn code or whatever. It became a joke.

Behold the most coveted plans in the world.

Back to the fake doors.

The beloved plans show WORKING DOORS, maybe that was what she wanted to hide from us? That she made the builder deviate from the plans?

Something fun and unusual about Coach and I? We love fresh air. We love to open our doors/windows weather permitting to enjoy FRESH AIR. Why? Because we are somewhat normal humans.


Moving on….We’ve had four contractors over to see how we can make the fake doors into real doors. One said NO. One said he’d do it then a few weeks later took it back and said NO. One said this wasn’t in his scope of work and then we found THE ONE. THE ONE ended up coming over several times and then returned with a window representative for more help. Guess what? We have to remove ALL of them and start fresh $$$.


What in the world would possess someone to put in fake doors. Right down to the knobs! What a knob. We will never understand, but had we known, we would have demanded to pay LESS for the house because it’s gonna cost us out the ying yang. And my ying yang is going broke.

Coach in our upper living area with OUR stuff and our Fake effing doors.

This is the view from the outside upper porch. You can see the three sets of fake doors, then a single working door on either side. The left side goes into an alcove next to the master, the right side goes into the dining room. We have to remove the upper transoms (because of door size) and we’re going to put in two sets of WORKING French doors and in the center we are doing a large plate glass for a killer view.

The doors/window are on order. Sadly, we can’t not afford to mirror this for the downstairs fake doors at this time, or ever.

I will of course share pictures when the job is complete sometime this year. Right now we have a huge landscape/hardscape project going on in the back yard because the people who built this house apparently NEVER planned on being outside; It was bare. Have you noticed a theme with us? There is always a project going on. Always.

So, anyone else buy a home from someone who might have been touched in the head?

Basically this post is me bitching about our beautiful mountain home. Do you still love me?


41 thoughts on “Fake News? How About Fake Doors? We Smudged The House To Avoid Being Touched In The Head.

  1. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. The Amazing Custom Plans had me in fits.

    Start a Crazy People House Fund, even if you just toss in twenty-five bucks a week. Fake doors are just the beginning, I’m sure. Our lakehouse–also bought from Crazy People–continues to reveal surprises every time we turn around. Think bare, uncapped wiring behind drywall; think drywall that doesn’t meet the ceiling, covered by cheap plastic crown molding; think no insulation in any closets.

    Bless your heart. Caveat Emptor, indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my….your lake home sounds very dangerous with all the weird wiring and plastic; scary. I like the Crazy People House Fund Idea! Hopefully, we won’t have any other issues; the house is only 5 years old.


  2. Maddie

    All those lovely doors and almost all are fake? And windows that don’t open? Oh my. Pollen season must be serious in those mountains! 🙂

    Heart breaking that it costs an arm and leg to fix something that would’ve been an easy normal item during the build (like, you know, doors that have hinges, knobs and also *open*).

    I have seen some stupid houses in my time. The first time I went house hunting, I flat gave up. I liked our rental and just could not picture paying premium for poor house design. Waited a few years and ventured out again to find …. more stupidity.

    Houses built in new subdivisions that are slated to become major bypasses (!!!!). Houses built on fill dirt next to flood plains that become raging (soil eroding) white water rapids multiple times a year. Houses that are new but have furnaces dated “built 1965” (what tha?). Houses with owners who like to DIY as a hobby (nononononono). Houses with bedrooms that have *no* windows (seriously creepy). Houses that list with 5 bedrooms but the septic system is built for 2!

    Finally we built our own darn house (with windows and doors that open). It was a horrible experience that destroyed my faith in man *but* I love my breakfast nook. I have the perfect amount of closet space. My mud room is close to heaven. The laundry room makes my heart skip a beat. The office (now actually used as an office lol) is a daily gift. The views of our land from our enormous windows….. Every day I wake up and am happy I waited for this house.

    That darling Georgia house is lucky you found her. Those doors were meant to open (except during pollen season).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I too thought about an allergy issue, but then just DO NOT open the door. Why make it look like you can, but can’t? *Scratches head for the billionth time*

      A bedroom with no window is a closet. Right? Weird. There are a lot of weird homes built/designed by weird people. That’s why there is HGTV.

      I’m so happy that you love your home; it sounds so delightful. Who has the perfect amount of closet space? YOU, you do.


  3. Bijoux

    This post cracks me up! It’s such a beautiful home, but WHY? I can’t imagine spending money on door knobs that don’t work. Crazy! We bought our dream home 8 years ago and saw some real winners while looking. You’d think once you’re above a certain price range, you wouldn’t encounter crap, but that’s not the case. I pulled off a fake drawer panel in one kitchen, thinking I’d open a kitchen drawer to check for quality. I felt bad for my realtor, who must have had to explain that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s amazing some of the things that you see people living with. And yes, even in an upper price point! Oh, you’re poor realtor. Was she your aunt? 🙂


  4. Debra She Who Seeks

    WELL, I FOR ONE understand the previous owners completely and I think YOU’RE touched in the head not to appreciate the GENIUS of their custom plans.


    Liked by 1 person

  5. What on earth? So strange. Dang, I’m so bummed you didn’t realize how pricey it would be to fix so that you could lower your price. We stumbled across a few weird things, but nothing like that. We were the 4th owner in 5 years of our current home, so some people did things in an odd lets- sell-this-quick way. One kitchen cabinet that had a counter that divided the family room from the kitchen had a sink in it at one time – probably like a wet bar. When they redid the kitchen (in a cheap, crappy, re-face-the-cabinets sort of way), they decided to not have a sink in the wet bar area. Just a counter. Well, they never sealed off the drain in the cabinet so the house would smell like sewer gas from time to time.

    I have more crazy contractor stories UNFORTUNATELY. How some of these people are able to continue to work is so frustrating to me.

    I still love you, but I will love you more after you invite me down to inspect the new doors just to be sure they get enough fresh air and all. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. First, THEY WERE SOUTHERN LIVING PLANS. From a magazine. Not like they were some builder from Paris or Italy or whatever. (I do not know what I am talking about)
    Second, I hope you really DID sage that home.
    Third, I think I know what they were going for and it scares me I know what they were going for. They wanted the illusion of grandeur with the safety of sealed shut doors. I wonder if they were city folk? That is my only observation.
    Of course, I watched the Night Stalker on Netflix last night, and that is motivating my answer.

    The more you share pictures of that home, the more I fall in love with it. Such a lovely place. I
    Even lovelier, once you can open a door to the back porch. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Southern Living plans. You can buy them in a magazine or online. We laughed when we finally got them; shocked they weren’t written in gold leaf on handmade paper.

      We did sage it!!

      I will not watch night stalker; just the title gives me the heeby jeebies.

      It will be our dream home once we fix all the stupid. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve lived in many houses and I’ve never had fake doors within. Or without, come to think of it. WHY? That’s all I’d be thinking about. We have some interior doors that are solid and some that are empty, the latter ones often stick as we open and shut them– BUT THEY WORK.

    Why didn’t the building inspector or the pre-purchase home inspector catch this flaw? I mean, it’s glaring. But rather funny…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh boy that is so frustrating. Your house is SO beautiful! On a much smaller scale we bought a little cottage here in Ontario. It’s sweet, rustic…we decided to take off the wallpaper and repaint. Turns out they had installed drywall but never taped the corners- instead just wallpapered over the corners to cover up the gaps. Same at the junctions of wall to ceiling – nailed up some cheap trip to cover the gaps!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes I think their expertise went only as far as screwing in drywall not the more tricky “tape & mud, finish it prettily” step – so yes, let’s just cover it up! They also strung indoor electrical wiring from the cottage to a bunkie in the back. An electrician lives in the next cottage & he pointed out that it wasn’t that safe. We had to get him to change to outdoor wire and bury it underground. But mostly this was stuff we laughed and shook our heads at — not nearly as costly as your door situation!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I can’t imagine putting in fake doors like that! It’s too bad that they cant just be fixed but i bet the big window will look wonderful! When we looked at our previous house before buying it the owners (both of them) refused to leave the house while we looked and followed us all over. They were sure we were going to steal some of their knick knacks they had all over the place!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. 16blessingsmom

    The people who built our house were crazy too, it was my husband and my brothers. There are things still not finished, but hey, it’s only been 20-something years, and who needs trim in the foyer? The kitchen cabinets got put in wrong, (one of the uppers is bigger than the two next to it, it belongs across the room on it’s own, over a lower that is the same size, whatever) sometimes it drives me nuts, but: I’ve lived with it all these years and it hasn’t actually killed me yet. Our previous home was a mobile home, brand new to us, and on a gorgeous treed lot, but still, it was a trailer…so I could overlook a few things, and have been thankful for our huge, imperfect house. But those doors, yes, I bet they were city-folk. I cannot believe they failed to mention to you! Love that place though, it’s lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

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  12. bibliomama2

    I’m imagining the conversation with the poor builders “You want doors… that don’t open? Aren’t those, like, just walls? Oh… you want knobs on them? So the front door – that one will actually open, right?” Maybe they’re Dukes of Hazzard types and just wanted to exit their house through the windows exclusively.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Melanie Galliano

    Fake doors?? What in the world? I do not get it either! Why put in doors for the sake of looking like doors but they aren’t really doors…. And so strange they with held the plans like that and they weren’t even custom drawn!! Clint has already seen a few sights in his short time as a relator. One of the last houses had a GIANT brightly colored chameleon painted on the entire kitchen wall and a GIANT ying yang taking up the entire bedroom wall.

    Liked by 1 person

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  20. If you knew who the contractor was, you could have called them up and asked them for a set. It would probably cost you, but at least you would know what you were in for.

    That said, the house is gorgeous! So lucky to have so much space, and once those doors work properly, it will be spectacular.

    Liked by 1 person

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